Please stop forcing me to say 'no gifts'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party except the person this whole thread is about whose question about bringing food to the party was (mis)interpreted by OP as “forcing” OP to say it is a no gifts party.

the person offered 'food' as an option after i didn't say anything to the question of "should we bring anything".

Because she wasn't asking about gifts. She was asking about bringing something to the party. When we go to kids' parties we bring a present for the kids and sometimes a six-pack for the 'party,' depending on the vibe/attendees/location/age of the kids/whether it's dropoff or not.

You are misinterpreting the situation. You are creating a problem out of thin air.

who does this? i can imagine doing it with my actual friends or relatives who have kids but these are my kid's classmates and their parents. some have been to our home before (playdates) but we are not close.

there is no problem. i am just venting and perhaps raising awareness of how asking for permission not to bring a gift can be (mis)interpreted.

+1, its not a BBQ, its a birthday party.

I've definitely been to birthday parties that were BBQs. Hence the bolded.

I have been to several kids’ birthday parties that were backyard bbq style and we’ve always brought beer or wine. And also a gift for the kid. I’m guessing your guests were just trying to be courteous, genuinely asking if there was anything they could bring and not trying to get you to tell them “no gifts.” OP wait til the party actually happens and let us know if these ppl wound up bringing gifts or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely made to make me say no gifts. One said “do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...? What do you say to tho? Shopkins?

“Nope, I have that covered!” If they bring a present, fine. If not, well, it’s not required.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely made to make me say no gifts. One said “do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...? What do you say to tho? Shopkins?

It sounds like this person wasn't even asking about gifts in the first place. If someone asks if they need to bring food to your party, you can say "no, we're providing pizza and cake!" If they have a question about gifts they'll ask it. Asking any question at all about your party is not begging you to say "no gifts." You have a really noticeable chip on your shoulder and it's clouding your perception.

Other parent: "Is it okay if we come a little late, we've got a soccer game first?"
OP: "FINE, NO GIFTS, MAKE MY KID MISERABLE YOU JUDGMENTAL HARPY!"

she said "anything".. then proceeded to offer food. who brings food to birthday parties? these are not young adults but little kids.

I know at least one person who has so much of the (Midwestern?) compulsion to never show up empty handed that she was very uncomfortable being told not to bring food to a birthday party. So it’s not out of the question that they were really asking about food

Some like to bring wine to share, but are hesitant to mention it.

[Anonymous]

OP, you sound legitimately nuts.

[Anonymous]

Ok. I will.

[Anonymous]

I agree with OP. For kids, gifts are an important part of a birthday celebration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. For kids, gifts are an important part of a birthday celebration.

Bull pucky. I dealt with a child who was upset that a few close friends didn’t attend a party. He asked them why they didn’t come, and they said they couldn’t bring a gift. I didn’t remember the following year, but he did, and he talked to every single kid in his class, making sure they knew he didn’t want anyone bringing gifts. He just wanted all his friends there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. For kids, gifts are an important part of a birthday celebration.

It’s about you not your kids.

[Anonymous]

who is forcing you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like you feel guilty asking people to bring a gift for your child. (Which you should... because no one has time to buy more crap for your kids) But you're also not interpreting their questions correctly at all.

Then don’t go to the party if you’re too busy to amazon prime or stop at target for some play doh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with OP. For kids, gifts are an important part of a birthday celebration.

Bull pucky. I dealt with a child who was upset that a few close friends didn’t attend a party. He asked them why they didn’t come, and they said they couldn’t bring a gift. I didn’t remember the following year, but he did, and he talked to every single kid in his class, making sure they knew he didn’t want anyone bringing gifts. He just wanted all his friends there.

Yeah, my kids really don't care about the gifts. They care about the friends and the cake. Without cake, it's not a party for them.

[Anonymous]

I always feel awkward when it says “no gifts.” Everyone brings gifts anyway and then you look Like the jerk who didn’t bring a gift...

If people ask what kid likes I say “art supplies, books, legos” genetic stuff..,

FWIW - we give roughly 1/3 of gifts still boxed and unopened to toys for toys or other charity. My kids get excited to pick the gifts for “other kids” and drop them off. It solves the issue of duplicates, gifts that are not a fit etc while doing a good deed. Just cause my kid thinks superheroes are boring, some other kid will be thrilled with a gigantic iron man figure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I hate that question too. Obviously they want to get your kid something they will like, but I think getting something that another kid likes or something I never thought of or heard of makes it so much more exciting for my kid.

+100
These are the people who asked the teacher for topic ideas for all their papers. I hate them. Be an independent thinker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely made to make me say no gifts. One said “do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...? What do you say to tho? Shopkins?

Seriously?

"Thanks, we've got the food covered, we'll be providing some drinks and snacks/pizzas!"

No one offers to bring food to a party. The question was is this a no gift party. Answer the question.

I know very few people who don't offer to bring something to a party. It is very normal in some places and social circles. And and another PP mentioned, some people even when told not to bring something, feel very awkward showing up empty handed.

But, that raises the possibility that the asker is unclear whether this is a drop off party or not. Agree it is unusual to bring food to a kid drop off party, but very polite to ask when parents are welcomed too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

I feel like this argumentative 'pp' is also OP