Please stop forcing me to say 'no gifts'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

The OP literally said the question was about someone asking if they should bring food. I'm sorry you're as bad at reading as OP is at having a human conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if they are obnoxious enough to say it in such a way that means “we prefer not to bring a gift. Just letting you know!” Then you don’t need their gift anyway. I think that’s pretty obnoxious in the first place. I would be so tempted to say no need to attend...

yes i agree, i don't need their gifts. but i would much prefer that they just don't bring anything rather than force me to tell them that they don't need do so that they feel better about it. i resent being put on the spot to say "yup, we expect a gift" or pretend it's a non-gift party. between the two, it is easier for me to do the latter but if this were a no gift party i would have said so.

Just say do what ever you think is appropriate and leave it at that. You don't need to give them approval or ask for a gift. Leave it to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, there is not one person on this thread that agrees with your interpretation of the situation. If you’ve been here more than 5 minutes, you know that DCUM consensus is rare indeed. Is this your evil SIL or ex’s new wife? Because that’s the only way that this level of belligerence is somewhat understandable...

[Anonymous]

I don’t know ... but to me only a very good friend would ask if you needed something ... like food ... for a kid birthday party. Most people would assume you had that covered.
“Sure! Bring a cake from SOEXPENSIVE BAKERY! He likes chocolate!”

[Anonymous]

I couldn't care less but gifts are an important part of birthday experience for my kids.

Sigh.


Something about societal expectations. . . .

I'm a boomer. Families were much bigger, so maybe that's why bday parties were not so big a thing as these days. I had 1 or 2 bday parties with other kids invited as a kid. I don't recalled feeling deprived of the birthday experience.

I'm pretty sure gifts are actually optional, aren't they? Isn't that what every etiquette expert has always said forever? Card required, rsvp required, showing up if you accepted required, but gifts never required?

[Anonymous]

It seems like fishing for a response like ... some old used books would be great! Or some broken toys you hate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know ... but to me only a very good friend would ask if you needed something ... like food ... for a kid birthday party. Most people would assume you had that covered.
“Sure! Bring a cake from SOEXPENSIVE BAKERY! He likes chocolate!”

My first thought was that mom's kid has some kind of allergy or intolerance and was trying to find out what the menu looked like without saying "you know Larlo can't eat gluten, right?" But either way - trying to be too friendly or trying to be nosy - I don't think it had anything to do with gifts/no gifts. OP seems like maybe she hates this lady and it's coloring her interpretation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I couldn't care less but gifts are an important part of birthday experience for my kids.

Sigh.


Something about societal expectations. . . .

I'm a boomer. Families were much bigger, so maybe that's why bday parties were not so big a thing as these days. I had 1 or 2 bday parties with other kids invited as a kid. I don't recalled feeling deprived of the birthday experience.

I'm pretty sure gifts are actually optional, aren't they? Isn't that what every etiquette expert has always said forever? Card required, rsvp required, showing up if you accepted required, but gifts never required?

Families aren't bigger. The difference is many families have parties, like us at venue's for a variety of reasons, including use size. So, some families cut back now because of cost as home parties are not a big deal but venue parties are.

[Anonymous]

Boomer here also. It seemed like only certain birthdays were celebrated with a party. Like 1, 5, 10, 16 ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party except the person this whole thread is about whose question about bringing food to the party was (mis)interpreted by OP as “forcing” OP to say it is a no gifts party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I couldn't care less but gifts are an important part of birthday experience for my kids.

Sigh.


Something about societal expectations. . . .

I'm a boomer. Families were much bigger, so maybe that's why bday parties were not so big a thing as these days. I had 1 or 2 bday parties with other kids invited as a kid. I don't recalled feeling deprived of the birthday experience.

I'm pretty sure gifts are actually optional, aren't they? Isn't that what every etiquette expert has always said forever? Card required, rsvp required, showing up if you accepted required, but gifts never required?

of course gifts are optional. nobody is going to be turned away at the door upon inspection of their empty bags. i think some people are just trying to make 'no gifts' a default by forcing people to state that they want kids. but it is not a default, at least not yet. kids still expect gifts (mine and their friends' too) and look forward to them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party except the person this whole thread is about whose question about bringing food to the party was (mis)interpreted by OP as “forcing” OP to say it is a no gifts party.

the person offered 'food' as an option after i didn't say anything to the question of "should we bring anything".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely made to make me say no gifts. One said “do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...? What do you say to tho? Shopkins?

“We plan to serve pizza and ice cream.”

That’s the response. Don’t mention gifts unless they ask for a suggestion; the correct response is, “Joey likes legos and Star Wars.” (Or two things your kid likes.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

This is not the topic. No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party.

No one is offering to bring food to a birthday party except the person this whole thread is about whose question about bringing food to the party was (mis)interpreted by OP as “forcing” OP to say it is a no gifts party.

the person offered 'food' as an option after i didn't say anything to the question of "should we bring anything".

Because she wasn't asking about gifts. She was asking about bringing something to the party. When we go to kids' parties we bring a present for the kids and sometimes a six-pack for the 'party,' depending on the vibe/attendees/location/age of the kids/whether it's dropoff or not.

You are misinterpreting the situation. You are creating a problem out of thin air.