Please stop forcing me to say 'no gifts'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your children really NEED more stuff?
You sound selfish and greedy. Just tell them to give Larla a gift card.
Tacky

They don’t need piano lessons or clean sheets every week either. There are very few true needs.

Np of course you need clean sheets every week!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP said the parents asked if it was a no gift party.

The answer is "please do what you are comfortable with."

They did not ask for gift suggestions.

Lol, but that's the thing, they did not ask if it was a no gift party. According to OP, one parent asked "do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...?". The answer to that is "no, we'll have plenty of food, thanks for the offer though!" Then if for some twisted reason MULTIPLE people are actually asking convoluted questions to "force" OP to say "no gifts", then OP has answered the question in a way that answers the question, but doesn't FORCE her to say anything else. It's such a weird hypothetical that people are assuming the other parents are asking something about gifts, which is 99.9% of the time a question about interests or suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your children really NEED more stuff?
You sound selfish and greedy. Just tell them to give Larla a gift card.
Tacky

They don’t need piano lessons or clean sheets every week either. There are very few true needs.

Np of course you need clean sheets every week!

Dp- children living in most of the world aren’t getting a dedicated bed let alone sheets. Most make it to adulthood. Not a necessity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It was absolutely made to make me say no gifts. One said “do I need to bring anything (pause) like food...? What do you say to tho? Shopkins?

Seriously?

"Thanks, we've got the food covered, we'll be providing some drinks and snacks/pizzas!"

This

They weren’t asking about gifts

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your children really NEED more stuff?
You sound selfish and greedy. Just tell them to give Larla a gift card.
Tacky

They don’t need piano lessons or clean sheets every week either. There are very few true needs.

Np of course you need clean sheets every week!

Dp- children living in most of the world aren’t getting a dedicated bed let alone sheets. Most make it to adulthood. Not a necessity.

Yeah, weekly clean sheets are for sure unnecessary. Nice, but wholly unnecessary unless you have some particular skin condition. Ask me how I know.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the previous posters that they were not asking about gifts, and answering with "Nope, we're providing pizza and cake!" is completely fine.

However, if we go along with the OP for a minute and assume, based on tone or whatever or the full context of the conversation, that they were hoping you'd offer up a "and no gift needed either!" response - OP, you can ignore that! People who ask questions or make requests in roundabout ways or insinuate things, etc, etc are the easiest thing in the world to ignore - just answer the exact question you were asked and feign that you didn't "get" the subtext. So in that case, the answer of "Nope, we're providing pizza and cake!" is still right. If they just ask "should we bring anything?" feel free to just say "I think we're covered - the play place is handling decor, and we're providing pizza and cake - but thanks so much for the thought!" and don't say a damn word about presents.

People can't "force" you to give an answer you don't want to give, and they certainly can't force an answer when they're not willing to ask the direct question. And since no one is going to walk up to you and say "so do I have to bring a present or what??" you'll be in the clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I sent out invitations for my kid's birthday (6th) and didn't say it was a no gift party. It's not. I couldn't care less but gifts are an important part of birthday experience for my kids.

Two parents now approached trying to have me say that it was a no gifts party. They are ostensibly asking what to bring but really setting it up in a such a way that I am supposed to say 'oh, nothing'. And I did. But I hate it.

I'd have just smiled and said "Please, do whatever feels right to you." Let them interpret that however they want.

[Anonymous]

Look if they are obnoxious enough to say it in such a way that means “we prefer not to bring a gift. Just letting you know!” Then you don’t need their gift anyway. I think that’s pretty obnoxious in the first place. I would be so tempted to say no need to attend...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I sent out invitations for my kid's birthday (6th) and didn't say it was a no gift party. It's not. I couldn't care less but gifts are an important part of birthday experience for my kids.

Two parents now approached trying to have me say that it was a no gifts party. They are ostensibly asking what to bring but really setting it up in a such a way that I am supposed to say 'oh, nothing'. And I did. But I hate it.

I'd have just smiled and said "Please, do whatever feels right to you." Let them interpret that however they want.

THIS

[Anonymous]

They are asking about gifts. The asker does a no gift party as they are too lazy and cheap to buy others gifts and expect everyone else to go along with their selfish ways.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree with the previous posters that they were not asking about gifts, and answering with "Nope, we're providing pizza and cake!" is completely fine.

However, if we go along with the OP for a minute and assume, based on tone or whatever or the full context of the conversation, that they were hoping you'd offer up a "and no gift needed either!" response - OP, you can ignore that! People who ask questions or make requests in roundabout ways or insinuate things, etc, etc are the easiest thing in the world to ignore - just answer the exact question you were asked and feign that you didn't "get" the subtext. So in that case, the answer of "Nope, we're providing pizza and cake!" is still right. If they just ask "should we bring anything?" feel free to just say "I think we're covered - the play place is handling decor, and we're providing pizza and cake - but thanks so much for the thought!" and don't say a damn word about presents.

People can't "force" you to give an answer you don't want to give, and they certainly can't force an answer when they're not willing to ask the direct question. And since no one is going to walk up to you and say "so do I have to bring a present or what??" you'll be in the clear.

No one is talking about bringing food. Stop your comments that are not relevant.

[Anonymous]

No one is forcing you to say anything. Based on what you've posted, I don't think they were trying to get you to respond to their question with 'no gifts.'

Even if they were angling to get you to say 'no gifts' you didn't have to do that.

Other parent: "Can I bring anything....like food?"
You: "Thank you for offering but no, thank you, we will have plenty of food!"
end of interaction.
Or maybe the other parent who is working so hard to get you to say 'no gifts' responds with: "Ok, what about anything else...like a gift?"
You: "That's so nice of you to ask. Of course it's not required to bring a gift but if you want to, I'm sure DC would love that!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do your children really NEED more stuff?
You sound selfish and greedy. Just tell them to give Larla a gift card.
Tacky

They don’t need piano lessons or clean sheets every week either. There are very few true needs.

Np of course you need clean sheets every week!

Needs: air, water, food, shelter, clothing, love
Not needs: everything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Look if they are obnoxious enough to say it in such a way that means “we prefer not to bring a gift. Just letting you know!” Then you don’t need their gift anyway. I think that’s pretty obnoxious in the first place. I would be so tempted to say no need to attend...

yes i agree, i don't need their gifts. but i would much prefer that they just don't bring anything rather than force me to tell them that they don't need do so that they feel better about it. i resent being put on the spot to say "yup, we expect a gift" or pretend it's a non-gift party. between the two, it is easier for me to do the latter but if this were a no gift party i would have said so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if they are obnoxious enough to say it in such a way that means “we prefer not to bring a gift. Just letting you know!” Then you don’t need their gift anyway. I think that’s pretty obnoxious in the first place. I would be so tempted to say no need to attend...

yes i agree, i don't need their gifts. but i would much prefer that they just don't bring anything rather than force me to tell them that they don't need do so that they feel better about it. i resent being put on the spot to say "yup, we expect a gift" or pretend it's a non-gift party. between the two, it is easier for me to do the latter but if this were a no gift party i would have said so.

If you resent things that never happened you must have an incredibly stressful life.