Donor embryo vs donor eggs

[Anonymous]

There is a giant difference between adoption and donor embryo. Adoptive families are taking a child who is already in the world and lacking a loving family. If that child doesn't get that family, that child's probability of very poor life outcomes is extremely high. This is especially true because many such children come from non-ideal embryo environments -- poor nutrition, limited prenatal care, high stress, workplace chemical exposure, and often, abuse of drugs and alcohol.

People who are doing donor embryo are merely pursuing another route to bringing a child into the world -- one with a broader roll of the genetic dice.

I very much agree that the OP desperately needs therapy. and the OP is exactly why both your fertility clinic and whatever source the embryo is coming from will require you to undergo psychological counseling and clearance. Right now in this circumstance, I would believe that any responsible organization would deny you.

I never wanted to use donor egg but eventually assented to DH's deep desire to have a child. There are days that I wish there was a bio connection. but I adore DH and the ways that DC is like him are delightful. Ironically, total strangers tend to remark how much DC looks like me. (He really does, despite the egg donor looking almost nothing like me. Something about the way their features and DH's are blended works to create this.) And DC, in mannerisms, speech patterns, and the like, takes after me.

One of the advantages to donor egg is that you can try to pick a donor who seems more like yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better, OP, the gestational mother’s DNA does indirectly contribute to any embryo implanted within her, as it’s her genes that determine whether or not certain genes in the fetus get “switched on” or not. MicroRNA is what you’d want to google if interested[b]

In short, you’ll have a biological connection to the baby regardless. I’m not sure it would even be “fair,” then, to try to ensure your husband doesn’t have one.

Sorry but this isn’t a big deal. Epigenetics gets blown way out of proportion in the infertility world in order to make women feel they have more impact on the baby than they actually do.

Agree. And I think men tend to use that argument with women to have them use donor eggs. The fact of the matter is that it is my fertility that was ruined - not his - by his actions - delaying years.

+1 Everyone seems to accept that it's utterly natural for men to be uncomfortable going the route of donor sperm, yet somehow women are callous for not wanting to play surrogate for their husband and another woman? I find the conversations around this so intellectually dishonest. Poll 20 men if they would go for their wives impregnated by donor sperm. Then ask yourself why you already knew exactly how they would answer.

At least infertile men who want another child (a position in which OP finds herself) would not contort themselves into silly pretzels exclaiming "if not my sperm, then not her egg either!" I mean does a man want his wife impregnated by donor sperm just for the hell of it? no. But an infertile man who wants to have children would not kid himself about what his options are: donor sperm or bubkes.

[Anonymous]

My husband is totally willing to use donor sperm. Very severe Mfi.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better, OP, the gestational mother’s DNA does indirectly contribute to any embryo implanted within her, as it’s her genes that determine whether or not certain genes in the fetus get “switched on” or not. MicroRNA is what you’d want to google if interested[b]

In short, you’ll have a biological connection to the baby regardless. I’m not sure it would even be “fair,” then, to try to ensure your husband doesn’t have one.

Sorry but this isn’t a big deal. Epigenetics gets blown way out of proportion in the infertility world in order to make women feel they have more impact on the baby than they actually do.

Agree. And I think men tend to use that argument with women to have them use donor eggs. The fact of the matter is that it is my fertility that was ruined - not his - by his actions - delaying years.

+1 Everyone seems to accept that it's utterly natural for men to be uncomfortable going the route of donor sperm, yet somehow women are callous for not wanting to play surrogate for their husband and another woman? I find the conversations around this so intellectually dishonest. Poll 20 men if they would go for their wives impregnated by donor sperm. Then ask yourself why you already knew exactly how they would answer.

At least infertile men who want another child (a position in which OP finds herself) would not contort themselves into silly pretzels exclaiming "if not my sperm, then not her egg either!" I mean does a man want his wife impregnated by donor sperm just for the hell of it? no. But an infertile man who wants to have children would not kid himself about what his options are: donor sperm or bubkes.

Are you kidding?! If roles were reversed, there would be a 100-page thread of men ranting “dude your wife made you wait to have kids knowing your fertility would diminish and now that decided she wants a baby, she’s all “aw let’s just use that guy’s sperm and I’ll have his baby mmkay?” I swear some women don’t know men at all and worse, they “contort themselves into pretzels” to sacrifice for men what they wouldn’t in a million years do for women.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:[b]

Anonymous wrote:If it makes you feel better, OP, the gestational mother’s DNA does indirectly contribute to any embryo implanted within her, as it’s her genes that determine whether or not certain genes in the fetus get “switched on” or not. MicroRNA is what you’d want to google if interested[b]

In short, you’ll have a biological connection to the baby regardless. I’m not sure it would even be “fair,” then, to try to ensure your husband doesn’t have one.

Sorry but this isn’t a big deal. Epigenetics gets blown way out of proportion in the infertility world in order to make women feel they have more impact on the baby than they actually do.

Agree. And I think men tend to use that argument with women to have them use donor eggs. The fact of the matter is that it is my fertility that was ruined - not his - by his actions - delaying years.

+1 Everyone seems to accept that it's utterly natural for men to be uncomfortable going the route of donor sperm, yet somehow women are callous for not wanting to play surrogate for their husband and another woman? I find the conversations around this so intellectually dishonest. Poll 20 men if they would go for their wives impregnated by donor sperm. Then ask yourself why you already knew exactly how they would answer.

At least infertile men who want another child (a position in which OP finds herself) would not contort themselves into silly pretzels exclaiming "if not my sperm, then not her egg either!" I mean does a man want his wife impregnated by donor sperm just for the hell of it? no. But an infertile man who wants to have children would not kid himself about what his options are: donor sperm or bubkes.

Are you kidding?! If roles were reversed, there would be a 100-page thread of men ranting “dude your wife made you wait to have kids knowing your fertility would diminish and now that decided she wants a baby, she’s all “aw let’s just use that guy’s sperm and I’ll have his baby mmkay?” I swear some women don’t know men at all and worse, they “contort themselves into pretzels” to sacrifice for men what they wouldn’t in a million years do for women.

Men's fertility doesn't diminish with time the way women's does.

Also, if OP's husband wanted kids and she didn't, he would have divorced her much sooner and found a woman who did instead of gnashing his teeth on DCUD.

[Anonymous]

I get that OP is very angry. Infertility is infuriating. But her anger is so strong that I doubt they need ANY more children however they got one.