What do you do to make your house feel like a home for your kids?

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a thoughtful question. I just sorta did it and didn't question much. But now that you have me thinking about it. I tried to keep it neat and reasonably orderly. I tried to make it safe and welcoming. I tried to allow each family member to take ownership and responsibilities. I tried to create a "team"/ family member approach. It is about empowering each family member to be the best they can be.

We had a song we sang for fun "we all live in a yellow submarine." So we would think about what do we want in our submarine, where do we want our submarine to go and how will we get there. It may sound kinda crazy but sometimes crazy seems to work. Home really is "where the heart is." I think it is more about relationships and shared memories than it is "things."

Blessings to you and thanks for asking and making me think.

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

[Anonymous]

We are in the process of moving into our new home with a 2 y/o and 4/o and here are the things I’m really excited about:

-Putting up a swing set in the backyard where we can sit on the sun porch and watch them play.

-Creating a play area in the basement with dress up clothes, board games, etc.

-I’m letting my 4 y/o have a say (within reason) as to how she wants to decorate her room. It should be a place that makes her happy.

-Decorating for the holidays. We love carving pumpkins, cutting down a live Christmas tree, hanging lights, etc.

-I love having lots of throw pillows and blankets on couches. I like feeling like I could have an impromptu nap if I want (although not really possible with two young kids right now)!

-And a big one is that we moved into a neighborhood with lots of young kids. I hope we can be a welcome place for friends to come over.

[Anonymous]

It feels like home because you are happy together there! If you're having fun, whatever you "do" will be memorable in a good way (the reverse is also true).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.

I just wanted to thank the OP for starting this thread. I grew up with a poor single mom and the majority of my childhood (I'm an only child) we spent moving around to different places or homeless and sleeping in the car so I never knew what it was like to have family or a comfortable home.

Now that I am a mom myself to two younger elementary school children I want to provide them with a better home environment but just never knew where to start. I've always had a nagging feeling that our home was not a home but couldn't quite put it into words until reading your thread.

So, I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread. Some of the things mentioned here may seem basic to others as pp pointed out but they are truly inspiring to me and I have read through each and every one of the responses posted here.

[Anonymous]

Laughter, and lots of family and friend visits.
Pizza night
Movie nights
Building forts
Keeping an open door for their interests and friend
No conversations off limits
Lots of lively debates about the gray areas
Holiday traditions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People seem really focused on food and decor. Great success for the marketing industry.

Huh?!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

But that's what make it wonderful. Families gather and eat together all around the world. The language of cinema is similarly universal. It's the mundane moments that add up to a rich, well loved life

OP here. I love how you put this. I am surprised at how this question seems to have aroused vitriol. I guess home is an emotional topic for people. I like to hear what people shared, and the simple everyday details that stand out.

I just wanted to thank the OP for starting this thread. I grew up with a poor single mom and the majority of my childhood (I'm an only child) we spent moving around to different places or homeless and sleeping in the car so I never knew what it was like to have family or a comfortable home.

Now that I am a mom myself to two younger elementary school children I want to provide them with a better home environment but just never knew where to start. I've always had a nagging feeling that our home was not a home but couldn't quite put it into words until reading your thread.

So, I just wanted to say thank you for starting this thread. Some of the things mentioned here may seem basic to others as pp pointed out but they are truly inspiring to me and I have read through each and every one of the responses posted here.

OP here. I know how you feel. For different reasons, I grew up in a family where I don’t feel like I have a home to go back to. It was complicated. When you don’t have that model, you can have great intentions but just not know how to enact them. I’m glad this thread was meaningful to you. Sending love to your family as you make your own home — for you as much as for your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

You sound so whiny and materialistic. literally, everything you describe is about things. Home goods stores must love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

You sound so whiny and materialistic. literally, everything you describe is about things. Home goods stores must love you.

You sound rude and judgmental. Literally, everything you said was mean. DCUM must love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an interesting question OP, and one I think about a lot. I had a perfectly fine childhood, nothing bad happened at all, but I never liked the home I grew up in, and in fact I always had negative feelings toward it, even now. I never had any fond memories of the house, or felt nostalgic about it, or wanted to return to it.

When I was growing up as an only child in the 80s, my childhood home never felt like a home. It always felt like a "house" and I always called it that, never a home. It was a small ranch-style home. My parents decorated it how they wanted, in an adult way, with tons of breakables and sculptures everywhere, and it felt like a museum. There was no sign of my toys or art in the house (toys were only allowed in my room because my parents "didn't want to look at them" as they would always say). The decor was ultra-modern which always felt cold to me. Everything was beige.

Most of the furniture/rooms were purple (this was the 80s and that was what was in style). It was a tiny, starter home, and always felt too cramped for the 3 of us (there were only 2 bedrooms). I didn't have a play space other than my tiny bedroom (we had a living room/dining room that they could have let me play in but none of us were ever allowed to go in there because it would "mess up the freshly vacuumed carpet."

My house was immaculate at all times, with zero clutter. Very few knick knacks, more of a cold, sterile feel that I never liked.

Walking into the house there wasn't a warm and welcoming feel. There was a "take your shoes off right now" and put them on the door mat, and "don't mess anything up" kind of feel.

My mother never made an effort to celebrate any holidays. We decorated for Halloween, but that was only if I did it, and only on the outside of the house. My mother disliked any kind of indoor decoratins because they were "clutter." So the house never felt festive for any holidays.

My mother never wanted me to go outside, she didn't like being outside and didn't want to supervise me, so basically I wasn't allowed to play outside ever. So I have no positive associations with being a regular kid playing outside, either.

And my parents didn't want pets so even though I was constantly asking for one they never let me have one. A pet would have made all the difference in turning my cold house into a warm home. But they never let me have one.

My parents sold the house when I was 25 and retired to Hawaii. I don't miss that house at all or even think of the house with fond memories.

I'm 40 years old now, with a family of my own, and I have specifically chosen a house, yard, and neighborhood to convey that warm and welcoming feeling. I spend a lot of time making my home feel warm and welcoming because I never grew up with that and I wanted my house to feel like that now. I chose a two story house, because I grew up in a ranch and don't like ranches now. My house is decorated in a country-style, because that's what I find warm and welcoming, with lots of blue and yellow colors, lots of floral patterns, lots of quilts.

I have lots of plants everywhere, toss pillows, throw blankets, baskets, bouquets of flowers, and pine wood. Lots of kids' art on the walls. Toys in the family room, neatly organized.

We have multiple pets.

I go overboard in decorating for every holiday, because I never had that, and my kids help decorate.

Everyone who walks into the house tells me what a warm and welcoming vibe it has, and that makes me happy. Even my kids' friends say that they love the house, which is unusual!

You sound so whiny and materialistic. literally, everything you describe is about things. Home goods stores must love you.

You sound rude and judgmental. Literally, everything you said was mean. DCUM must love you.

New poster, fully agree. You are a judgmental jerk. When I first read the poster story above I thought it was very enlightening and it actually made me rethink my somewhat rigid stance on’ cleanliness, clutter and pets (thank you ranch house poster for making me think about what’s best for my kids and not only my adult standards )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s humorous how special everyone in this thread thinks their completely average actions are. Pretty much every family in the world has dinner. Wow you watch movies. Never heard of families doing that.

NP here. Agreed but sometimes in a pinterest/internet world, people need reminders of the regular/simple things.

Also, Im in my late 30s. My dad died a few yrs ago. My parents house that I grew up in used to be a very warm, homey place that I loved to visit. Since he died, it feels different. I actually dont like to go there anymore and when I do, it just feels like my moms house, it doesnt feel like a home. What its made me realize is that a house is a house. What makes a house home is the people living in it and the warm feeling/experiences you feel with those people when you are in it. My husband and I (and our two young kids) moved recently. The rental apt we were in where I brought both kids home from the hospital when they were born and watched them take their first steps, dressed them up for hween for the first time, rocked them for hours on end, etc, felt more like a home than our current house does (which we just moved into and we own). It still needs our personal touch and warm experiences to be had there, but I realize its the moments where u are present with people you love that make a house a home. Otherwise its literally just a house.

[Anonymous]

This book has some good ideas!

https://www.amazon.com/Rhythm-Family-Discovering-through-Seasons/dp/1590307771

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I think some houses just have “vibes.”

The houses in my city are all variations of basic early 20th c. styles: four square, colonial, center hall, Dutch colonial, etc. I’ve been in dozens. Despite the fact that they’re all materially similar, with reasonable amounts of cleanliness, etc., some just feel a bit “off.”

Ghosts? Spirits? Bad Chi? Feng shui all fubar?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am an only child. My mom always wanted our house to be the “hang out” house but it wasn’t and never would be because she didn’t know how to just be causally around without butting into our conversations or being subtly critical of me. There is a way of being present and aware of what’s going on in your house without being too strict or overbearing about it. I hope to master the style of parenting that makes my kids’ friends want to come over.

My house growing up was always so clean and clutter free. It felt cold. In late elementary a group of girls would tease me that I lived in a museum and that you weren’t allowed to touch anything at my house or my mom would freak out. They were kinda right. I used to be jealous of houses with candid photos and kid artwork displayed in a casual way - like taped to the fridge.

Oh, man. I think we went to school together. If not, you had a very similar experience to a girl in my elementary school.

She hosted a pool party for her birthday in 5th grade. Her mom walked around wiping up drips and hovering over people who needed to go inside to the bathroom. Everything in their house was white, and here were dozens of little pink tchotchkes everywhere: so many lacy, frilly, heart-shaped, fragile little things. There was no icing on her cake.