Just Completed Disastrous Freshman Year - Please Help find a new school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just want to let you know that I was a less extreme version of your son. Just didn’t like doing schoolwork outside of school and hated confrontation, so lied to my parents whenever they asked questions. I was lucky that I am smart and so 50% homework grades got balanced against good test grades and so ended up with Bs rather than Fs. Ended up as a summa grade of a top college. Don’t stop trying to fix things.

Curious how you manage a spouse, job, house and raising kids now? Or do you have a SAH spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just want to let you know that I was a less extreme version of your son. Just didn’t like doing schoolwork outside of school and hated confrontation, so lied to my parents whenever they asked questions. I was lucky that I am smart and so 50% homework grades got balanced against good test grades and so ended up with Bs rather than Fs. Ended up as a summa grade of a top college. Don’t stop trying to fix things.

Curious how you manage a spouse, job, house and raising kids now? Or do you have a SAH spouse?

Not the PP but similarly situated. All of those things are difficult. You develop coping mechanisms. My job affords tremendous advantages through associate and administrative support -- basically, I pick my teams in a way where their strengths compensate for my weaknesses. High intelligence, often found in folks with ADHD, also helps to mask disorganization. Also fortunate in that my spouse is generally understanding and fairly well organized and that not all of my kids are equally as ADHD as I am. I also found (as I surmise that the PP did) that the more intellectually challenging/stimulating the tasks become (work and school), the easier it is to stay focused and attack them. Good luck to you and your son. I'm sure I'm not the only one following this thread who sees a bit of himself in your boy and, as a result, is pulling for him (and you) to succeed!

[Anonymous]

Parkmont School has been a miracle for our son. It’s small, but non-traditional in approach. McClean School is also a great option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is obsessed with being on his phone and the internet. We have monitored and restricted when possible but when we completely take away he becomes a whole new angry and miserable person to be around.

OP, this is a symptom of withdrawal. For ADHD kids, being on the phone/internet is like a drug. And, yes, it can derail any interest in academics. If you need frequent dopamine hits, the motivation to work on things that give you none goes waaaay down. He may actually needs some psychiatric help to get him off the addiction.

Everyone we speak with are at a loss to explain the complete lack of motivation to do the work and do well other than he has poor study habits. All his friends do well in school so it is not like he has surrounded himself with equally unmotivated students.

The lack of motivation also demonstrates a complete unconcern for the future. Not surprising, the teenage brain is not good at this, but most kids have some understanding that they have to suffer in the now to get into college, become a grown up, etc. The fact that your son is unconcerned suggests something's going on with executive functioning and planning areas in his brain.

Also, he refuses to accept any help from us in assisting with homework or reviewing projects/essays before being submitted. We are just trying to help get him on the right path but he wants none of it.

As his parent, you still have some leverage. Given what's happened his freshman year, something needs to change. From what you've written, you are intimidated when he gets upset or angry, and fail to follow-through on disciplining him.

You and your spouse need help as well. Please get some counseling as a family, get some parent coaching support, and also look at a psychiatric evaluation for your son.

+1 to all of this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He is obsessed with being on his phone and the internet. We have monitored and restricted when possible but when we completely take away he becomes a whole new angry and miserable person to be around.

OP, this is a symptom of withdrawal. For ADHD kids, being on the phone/internet is like a drug. And, yes, it can derail any interest in academics. If you need frequent dopamine hits, the motivation to work on things that give you none goes waaaay down. He may actually needs some psychiatric help to get him off the addiction.

Everyone we speak with are at a loss to explain the complete lack of motivation to do the work and do well other than he has poor study habits. All his friends do well in school so it is not like he has surrounded himself with equally unmotivated students.

The lack of motivation also demonstrates a complete unconcern for the future. Not surprising, the teenage brain is not good at this, but most kids have some understanding that they have to suffer in the now to get into college, become a grown up, etc. The fact that your son is unconcerned suggests something's going on with executive functioning and planning areas in his brain.

Also, he refuses to accept any help from us in assisting with homework or reviewing projects/essays before being submitted. We are just trying to help get him on the right path but he wants none of it.

As his parent, you still have some leverage. Given what's happened his freshman year, something needs to change. From what you've written, you are intimidated when he gets upset or angry, and fail to follow-through on disciplining him.

You and your spouse need help as well. Please get some counseling as a family, get some parent coaching support, and also look at a psychiatric evaluation for your son.

+1 to all of this

+2 I agree with the above that family counseling as well as parent coaching support will help the parents develop their skills and coping mechanisms. I also think it is very important for the son to be evaluated so that the concerns can be directly and specifically addressed.

[Anonymous]

Just an observation that the school had documentation of a disability via the 504, and the "child find" requirements in IDEA definitely meant they had an obligation to notice what was going on -- but was there parent-teacher contact? Did you talk to counselor/504 coordinator? It kinda takes a village to fail a child too. And there may well have been reasons, but lesson should be learned--you need to be on top of the kid's performance. I'd say, stay at the same school, request IDEA evaluation right now and be prepared to lobby for the services the kid needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DS just completed 9th grade at a W HS and it has been a complete and utter disaster from an academic perspective. He is completely unmotivated and does not complete projects and homework. There has been no support or accountability from the school. He failed three classes that he will have to repeat and will end up with a 1.57 GPA for the year.
He just refuses to do the work or lies and says it has been completed and that the teacher has not entered the grade yet. None of his teachers or counselors ever reached out to us or him to ask if there was a problem or if they could help in anyway.
We have tried tutors with no success. He does have ADHD and a 504 plan.

We think it is time for a change of scenery for him.

Any suggestions on schools that might be a fit for him where he will get more attention and not have the option of not completing assignments.

We are new to this area so not familiar with all of the schools in the area. We want to spend our money wisely and not just pay the private school tuition to have the same results.

Thanks

OP - I have not read through any of the responses, but I wanted to suggest you look at Fusion. It's been a life-saver for my DS who requires more one-on-one attention due to his significant ADHD and anxiety, which has lead to delayed social skills....which leads to even more anxiety and basically shutting down when it comes to school. We too used to be in of the W schools. Happy to provide you more info and details if you're interested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would also call The Sycamore School in Arlington. It's small and the students get very personalized attention. I know a number of kids who have thrived there when their large public HS was not a good fit for them. They allow a fair amount of flexibility in assignments where they can and still teach/achieve the same outcome. I recall from the tour students were writing about a theme but the students were free to choose what they wanted to write about as logn as they could relate it to the theme. so they kids were writing about everything from the french revolution to iphones to video games (it was something related to revolution).

Nope, if you’re not an independent learner and know what you need (what kid with ADHD does without A LOT of coaching and maturity, which takes A LOT of time), Sycamore is NOT the right place