Just Completed Disastrous Freshman Year - Please Help find a new school

[Anonymous]

Sounds like anxiety is creating a "freeze" reaction because he's knows he's ADHD and is struggling. The 504 plan should be reviewed asap, and also he should be screened for anxiety. This is exactly what I saw this year with my child, anxiety over not turning in assignments (that were done, but lost, or lost before they were done), anxiety over turning in things late because others in the class would notice, lying about doing work, etc. Therapist said that was all intertwined. DC has been on Prozac and we've seen some improvement.

[Anonymous]

I’d continue to work with the psychiatrist and maybe his meds need to be adjusted. I’d also continue with the therapist or possibly change to a new one. You should also hire tutors to help your son learn strategies for learning with his ADHD symptoms. The subjects he failed he should have a tutor in. Can he take any in a summer school program that can transfer. Has his school met with you about the issues? Surprised he hasn’t been counseled out. Keep advocating for your son and getting him as much support as possible to help him in school.

Do you trust the neuropsych that did the original ADHD diagnosis? The fact that you mention he gets extra angry when his phone is taken away makes me think there is way more going on then just ADHD.

Good luck OP. Hang in there and use the summer to put some strong supports in place for your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you sure he will be eligible t play sports in school with that grade point? Maybe that can be a carrot?

Here is the language on eligibility in MCPS, so the DC will not be able to participate in sports in the fall.

"A student must maintain a 2.0 unweighted grade point average (GPA) with no more than one failing grade in a marking period in order to participate in any athletic contests or to participate in or attend any practices during the next marking period. "

[Anonymous]

There are executive function coaches you can work with that will meet with him weekly (or more, if needed) and help him organize and plan out his time. It takes the onus off you to be the bad guy a bit. Also, I posted about my DS above, he would get very upset about having his phone taken away too, which I think was an anxiety reaction. Instead, we would cut off the service via Verizon and if necessary, remove its access to the WiFi router. So he still physically had the phone but couldn’t do anything with it. It avoided a physical confrontation and for some reason, was less of an issue for him.

I think you need stronger support at school, a meds adjustment and more therapy support. A small school may be better, but again, you might be playing a lot of money for a similar situation. (The recommendations for Field, Nora, Burke, Emerson are good ones.)

[Anonymous]

That was me 30 years ago. In my case, we found Bullis to be the best solution. Turned me around academically. Taught me how to study and gave me self-confidence. It all worked out well for me with support from school, friends and family. Good luck to you and your son. I hope you find a school where he will thrive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you trust the neuropsych that did the original ADHD diagnosis? The fact that you mention he gets extra angry when his phone is taken away makes me think there is way more going on then just ADHD. /quote]

This. Also concealing his work from you could suggest paranoid ideation. I would have a serious talk with the psych about a mood stabilizer and/or atypical antipsychotic. ADHD is kind of a "kid" diagnosis. It not uncommonly"blossoms" into something more serious in early adulthood. Pdocs can be loath to dx something more serious because the side effects of those meds are not trifling. But it may be worth starting the conversation. I don't mean to sound alarmist but that's my experience as someone with a mental illness.

[Anonymous]

Add Parkmont to the list. They have the kids spe d a significant amount of time doing internships, which he might find more motivating than regular school work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would contact Field as well.

There is no way he's getting into Field with a 1.5 GPA.

[Anonymous]

Shouldn’t his homework be finished when the tutors are done?

[Anonymous]

Any recommendations for executive functioning coaches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Any recommendations for executive functioning coaches?

Our psychologist recommends Thinking Organized: http://thinkingorganized.com/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That sounds so much like the start of my sons high school years. I’d start with a mental health evaluation. After that, if you get a diagnosis, I’d consider requesting an IEP meeting. He might need a SESS program such as a bridge program. MCPS will provide that if he qualifies.

100% THIS- Do the testing privately ($$ but worth it). Call ASAP for an appt- they book up in the summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the advice.
Some more background on our situation.

DS had a neuropsych eval completed two years ago which resulted in the ADHD diagnosis. He is currently taken medication. No other LD's diagnosed.

He was an A/B student in middle school.

He is currently seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist. No depression diagnosis.

Not young for his grade, actually one of the older kids.

He is obsessed with being on his phone and the internet. We have monitored and restricted when possible but when we completely take away he becomes a whole new angry and miserable person to be around.

He has adjusted fine socially and has many friends. He also plays a sport at school and for a club team.

Everyone we speak with are at a loss to explain the complete lack of motivation to do the work and do well other than he has poor study habits. All his friends do well in school so it is not like he has surrounded himself with equally unmotivated students.

Also, he refuses to accept any help from us in assisting with homework or reviewing projects/essays before being submitted. We are just trying to help get him on the right path but he wants none of it.

Middle school teachers do a lot of prompting to complete work, accepting very late work, etc. High school teachers do not. 9th grade is often a very revealing year.

The good news is that he needs a 2.0 to be eligible to play his sport. That should motivate him to clear 2 of those failed classes in summer school.

[Anonymous]

OP, I have an undermotivated son who just finished his freshman year at a W school. I sympathize with you a lot. My son is a wonderful kid, fairly mature with a good group of friends who are on the geeky side of the social spectrum. He has been told for several years that he has to take ownership of his education if he is going to have options for college and beyond, but he just doesn't like school and he struggles with getting his work done. He doesn't have any diagnosis or accommodations.

I can only tell you what has worked for us: intense parental oversight and engagement. My husband monitors MyMCPS like it's his heartrate. We found tutors for 2 subjects, one of whom will review his overall workload. We also do a weekly meeting with DS, sometimes twice weekly near the end of a quarter, to go over what tests or other big assignments are coming up, including going through his binder for forgotten assignments etc. We'll drill him for tests or give him feedback on a big essay. We've had to encourage DS to learn to advocate for himself - ask about a bad or missing grade, which on his own he would never do. Electronics are the downfall here, but we've resorted to taking them away when grades are rocky. It hasn't had to happen much.

It's not a perfect system, and it takes a ton of effort. We both work and have younger kids, and sometimes it feels like a big pain that I have to have room in my head to remind my kid to study for an upcoming 9th grade biology test. And there are some teachers who wait till the end of the quarter to post grades which makes it tough to monitor. But there's no doubt in my mind that this oversight helped our DS keep a solid GPA in honors classes. And we see modest signs of progress, that he's more invested in doing well now that he sees he's capable of it and that he's doing a mildly better job of managing his workload on his own. He hates our monitoring etc but over this year he went along with it more easily and by the end would willingly do homework or study on the weekends, something that used to be impossible. Hopefully he'll continue to inch forward over the next 3 years.

I don't know if this kind of intervention would have avoided such a tough outcome for your son. But I notice your post seems to lay the blame at the feet of the teachers and the school, and since you mention that you're not from here I wanted to point out that in any big MCPS HS (even a "good" one like a W) the classes are large, many kids are highly self-motivated, and it's easy for a slacker to fall between the cracks. Your complaint that "there's no support or accountability" in the school is understandable, but it's not entirely fair - if you or your son were pushing for help, you'd get it. But unfortunately given the size etc teachers aren't tracking down the parents of every HS freshman who is goofing off. You have the tools to follow his assignments and submitted work via the parent portal -- use them! I wish it weren't the case, but the upside is that if you get and stay involved, you may be able avoid a repeat of this year's problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I have an undermotivated son who just finished his freshman year at a W school. I sympathize with you a lot. My son is a wonderful kid, fairly mature with a good group of friends who are on the geeky side of the social spectrum. He has been told for several years that he has to take ownership of his education if he is going to have options for college and beyond, but he just doesn't like school and he struggles with getting his work done. He doesn't have any diagnosis or accommodations.

I can only tell you what has worked for us: intense parental oversight and engagement. My husband monitors MyMCPS like it's his heartrate. We found tutors for 2 subjects, one of whom will review his overall workload. We also do a weekly meeting with DS, sometimes twice weekly near the end of a quarter, to go over what tests or other big assignments are coming up, including going through his binder for forgotten assignments etc. We'll drill him for tests or give him feedback on a big essay. We've had to encourage DS to learn to advocate for himself - ask about a bad or missing grade, which on his own he would never do. Electronics are the downfall here, but we've resorted to taking them away when grades are rocky. It hasn't had to happen much.

It's not a perfect system, and it takes a ton of effort. We both work and have younger kids, and sometimes it feels like a big pain that I have to have room in my head to remind my kid to study for an upcoming 9th grade biology test. And there are some teachers who wait till the end of the quarter to post grades which makes it tough to monitor. But there's no doubt in my mind that this oversight helped our DS keep a solid GPA in honors classes. And we see modest signs of progress, that he's more invested in doing well now that he sees he's capable of it and that he's doing a mildly better job of managing his workload on his own. He hates our monitoring etc but over this year he went along with it more easily and by the end would willingly do homework or study on the weekends, something that used to be impossible. Hopefully he'll continue to inch forward over the next 3 years.

I don't know if this kind of intervention would have avoided such a tough outcome for your son. But I notice your post seems to lay the blame at the feet of the teachers and the school, and since you mention that you're not from here I wanted to point out that in any big MCPS HS (even a "good" one like a W) the classes are large, many kids are highly self-motivated, and it's easy for a slacker to fall between the cracks. Your complaint that "there's no support or accountability" in the school is understandable, but it's not entirely fair - if you or your son were pushing for help, you'd get it. But unfortunately given the size etc teachers aren't tracking down the parents of every HS freshman who is goofing off. You have the tools to follow his assignments and submitted work via the parent portal -- use them! I wish it weren't the case, but the upside is that if you get and stay involved, you may be able avoid a repeat of this year's problems.

Thanks for the advice and we have tried some of the things that have worked for you but they did not work for us. Our DS would not sit with us and go through a review of his grades. He gets angry whenever we bring up the subject of grades or missing assignment. We reviewed myMCPS often and questioned him about missing assignments and we would get lies about the status. He refuses to accept any help we have offered to help review homework or study for tests. I'm glad it is working for you but did not work for us.