My Son No longer Feels Safe at His High School with Weeks Left Until Graduation. Please HELP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like allowing your son to do the rest of his work from home is a reasonable solution. I hope this works out for your son, OP. I think you are correct in being extremely cautious in this situation. Best wishes to you and your family.

He could probably do the work from home for a week or two. These incidents tend to blow over; problematic teenagers lack focus and direct their energies elsewhere.

I think this is a good compromise, plus his teachers completely understand.

OP: why do these boys think your son stole the phone? Or are they simply trying to shake him down for money?

OP here, DH spoke with DS at length, it seems this isn't the first time DS has had this issue with one of the boys from the incident. DS has tried to advocate for himself by speaking with a school resource officer previously. DH and I have always taught DS to advocate for himself first and if that doesn't work to come and seek help from us.

OP, I'm so sorry. I'm the poster who suggested these allegations of phone theft might be a pretext to harass and threaten your son. Unfortunately it sounds like this is the case. You're doing the right thing by advocating for your son. Being in physical danger isn't the same thing as telling the waiter you ordered the pasta when he brought you the chicken.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this kid totally overreacted? He got chased. Period. he didn't get threatened or touched. One kid got chased by other kids. Isn't that just ... part of the life of a child?

Nothing bad happened.

The next time a group of people chase you while yelling threats, you should just carry on as if nothing was wrong. If they don't touch you, there's no problem.

While this may be common in most children's lives, doesn't it say something about our society that we accept it as a normal rite of passage?

There is a big difference between elementary or middle school kids and a high school senior. These are basically adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this kid totally overreacted? He got chased. Period. he didn't get threatened or touched. One kid got chased by other kids. Isn't that just ... part of the life of a child?

Nothing bad happened.

The next time a group of people chase you while yelling threats, you should just carry on as if nothing was wrong. If they don't touch you, there's no problem.

While this may be common in most children's lives, doesn't it say something about our society that we accept it as a normal rite of passage?

There is a big difference between elementary or middle school kids and a high school senior. These are basically adults.

While they are 17/18 years old, they are still youths and still in school. And even if this were college or a first job, it is outrageous that this kind of conduct is acceptable or event expected. Kids are required by law to be in school, it needs to be a safe place. The fact that this is school limits the option of a student to protect him or herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re almost 18 year old adult aged son is so terrified for his life at the prospect of being chased that you are attempting to involve police escorts and politicians in an attempt to protect him from an unknown threat? If he were over 18 (which maybe he is already) there would be nothing you could do anyways because it would be his issue to deal with as an adult. How in the world do you expect him to survive in college without police escorts or mommy and daddy showing up to defend him?

You are horrible. You sound like you don't have kids in DC public schools and have no idea how vicious kids can be. Also I don't know if OP's son is a POC, but it can be especially rough for black/Latino boys in DC publics.

Really? You think Black kids are more at risk? You don't think white kids in a prediminately black school, likely located in a rough neighborhood, have it rough? Are you in fantasy land? This is the reason why many families either avoid DC school like the plague, or they do everything in their power to avoid particular schools. I don't blame them at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, sorry this happened to your son and that you all have to deal with this.

A couple of specific suggestions for what you can ask/advocate (outside of calling PCSB or Office of the Student Advocate)...

1) Ask the administration if they can host a mediation with the parties involved and have parents present to quash the issue. Be clear that you would like to have both students and parents attend the mediation
2) If you feel it is necessary or warranted, ask that the mediation be hosted by a MPD School Resource Officer
3) Monitor social media- if there is any pattern of bullying or continued harassment, ask the administration for the involvement of the Bullying Coordinator (there are very specific laws about this area and the school must have one)
4) If any threats or harassment persist, seek a protective order from DC Court. A formal stay-away will require the school to change student schedules, limit student contact, and you have something to fall back on if the student continues or the school does not do anything to assist)
5) In addition to engaging the PCSB, you could email someone on the board for your school- the members should be posted online and contact info for at least one of the members should be in the handbook. Though you may have to dig

Again, sorry that this is happening and hope this is helpful in some small way.

Mediation is not a good idea, given the threats, intimidation and attempts at violence. I would go directly to the protective order stage and hope things will cool off after graduation. GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re almost 18 year old adult aged son is so terrified for his life at the prospect of being chased that you are attempting to involve police escorts and politicians in an attempt to protect him from an unknown threat? If he were over 18 (which maybe he is already) there would be nothing you could do anyways because it would be his issue to deal with as an adult. How in the world do you expect him to survive in college without police escorts or mommy and daddy showing up to defend him?

You are horrible. You sound like you don't have kids in DC public schools and have no idea how vicious kids can be. Also I don't know if OP's son is a POC, but it can be especially rough for black/Latino boys in DC publics.

Really? You think Black kids are more at risk? You don't think white kids in a prediminately black school, likely located in a rough neighborhood, have it rough? Are you in fantasy land? This is the reason why many families either avoid DC school like the plague, or they do everything in their power to avoid particular schools. I don't blame them at all.

Of course they do. Any kid , black or white, who do not resort to violence and threats to solve their problems have it rough in an environment where this is a common tool. The threat of "being jumped" would significantly raise these childrens stress levels, and we know there is a lot of fallout from that. Or they might decide if they cant bday em join em. Where is DCPS with its SEL initiative? Sadly they cant start IN the home, but a healthy enough school culture is something at least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re almost 18 year old adult aged son is so terrified for his life at the prospect of being chased that you are attempting to involve police escorts and politicians in an attempt to protect him from an unknown threat? If he were over 18 (which maybe he is already) there would be nothing you could do anyways because it would be his issue to deal with as an adult. How in the world do you expect him to survive in college without police escorts or mommy and daddy showing up to defend him?

You are horrible. You sound like you don't have kids in DC public schools and have no idea how vicious kids can be. Also I don't know if OP's son is a POC, but it can be especially rough for black/Latino boys in DC publics.

Really? You think Black kids are more at risk? You don't think white kids in a prediminately black school, likely located in a rough neighborhood, have it rough? Are you in fantasy land? This is the reason why many families either avoid DC school like the plague, or they do everything in their power to avoid particular schools. I don't blame them at all.

Of course they do. Any kid , black or white, who do not resort to violence and threats to solve their problems have it rough in an environment where this is a common tool. The threat of "being jumped" would significantly raise these childrens stress levels, and we know there is a lot of fallout from that. Or they might decide if they cant bday em join em. Where is DCPS with its SEL initiative? Sadly they cant start IN the home, but a healthy enough school culture is something at least.

This does seem like a big fear of white families regarding predominantly black schools. I can tell you that I attended them myself, and white kids were NOT targeted. They seem to stay out of a lot of stuff.

Also, our IB school is predominately AA and my kid’s white classmates seem to love it just as much as anyone else.

[Anonymous]

Most of the comments seem to come from suburbanites that thought living in the city would be cool. This type of situation happens a lot in middle and high school. You can't protect your son forever so seek a solution versus avoidance. Say you keep him home the rest of the year. What happens if he's out somewhere and encounters the kid again? It will be very ugly. So it's now or later!

If the school says there hands are tied, reaching out to the parents is your best option right now. It is already at a boiling point so either he fights the kid(s) or mediation. Going thru all the DCPS red tape is an option but won't help right now. You want an immediate solution. A friend went thru the exact same thing and she reached out the parents. They had no idea what was going on and immediately diffused the situation. Still pursue the DCPS options in tandem so the parents know the seriousness of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about reaching out to that student’s parents about the situation? Since it could have gotten physical, I think that they should be made aware before it escalates.

I would advise NOT doing that given that the parents of these fine progeny are likely as abusive as the children that they raised. Violence should NEVER be the answer. This group of boys sounds like a mob mentality and sounded as if they were out for blood. How about the school administration do its job? The OP should not be involved in reaching out to the parents, OP should be taking actions to protect her son. The school should take the concern of OP's situation seriously given the high suicide rates among youths today due to bullying.

This. Reaching out to the parents is a horrible idea and could further escalate the situation.

You're making assumptions about the parents. Sometimes, the parents are unaware and would intervene if notified. It's entirely possible that one of these kids is simply trying to fit in with a new crowd.

I'm also speaking from experience. My kid was targeted by a classmate and the parents intervened once notified. I've also been on the other side of the coin. In this case, the other parents knew but did not bring it to my attention. I would have corrected the behavior sooner if I'd been notified.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about reaching out to that student’s parents about the situation? Since it could have gotten physical, I think that they should be made aware before it escalates.

I would advise NOT doing that given that the parents of these fine progeny are likely as abusive as the children that they raised. Violence should NEVER be the answer. This group of boys sounds like a mob mentality and sounded as if they were out for blood. How about the school administration do its job? The OP should not be involved in reaching out to the parents, OP should be taking actions to protect her son. The school should take the concern of OP's situation seriously given the high suicide rates among youths today due to bullying.

This. Reaching out to the parents is a horrible idea and could further escalate the situation.

You're making assumptions about the parents. Sometimes, the parents are unaware and would intervene if notified. It's entirely possible that one of these kids is simply trying to fit in with a new crowd.

I'm also speaking from experience. My kid was targeted by a classmate and the parents intervened once notified. I've also been on the other side of the coin. In this case, the other parents knew but did not bring it to my attention. I would have corrected the behavior sooner if I'd been notified.

That's great that you're so optimistic, but the positive outcomes in your situation may not happen in all. Speaking from experience, many kids who fight a lot come from ROUGH backgrounds themselves. The parents may react negatively and may see it as an attack on their kid. Tread carefully if you try this approach.

[Anonymous]

Why do the kids think he took the phone? Maybe he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So you’re almost 18 year old adult aged son is so terrified for his life at the prospect of being chased that you are attempting to involve police escorts and politicians in an attempt to protect him from an unknown threat? If he were over 18 (which maybe he is already) there would be nothing you could do anyways because it would be his issue to deal with as an adult. How in the world do you expect him to survive in college without police escorts or mommy and daddy showing up to defend him?

You are horrible. You sound like you don't have kids in DC public schools and have no idea how vicious kids can be. Also I don't know if OP's son is a POC, but it can be especially rough for black/Latino boys in DC publics.

Really? You think Black kids are more at risk? You don't think white kids in a prediminately black school, likely located in a rough neighborhood, have it rough? Are you in fantasy land? This is the reason why many families either avoid DC school like the plague, or they do everything in their power to avoid particular schools. I don't blame them at all.

I don't think you have any experience of this topic. Black kids are much more at risk. If you look at crime statistics, this is also true of adults -- being white makes you less likely to be a victim of crime.

I went to rough a rough, poor all white middle school. I fought almost daily and often carried a knife outside of school. Two guys who used to jump me for fun went to jail for manslaughter soon after high school graduation. My parents moved, and I went to a rough majority black high school. I was never once in a fight or bullied or threatened. It was like I was assumed to be an un-involved bystander in the fighting that went on, which I was happy to be.

My impression talking to parents at my kid's majority non-white high school is that parents of color have much more to be concerned about in terms of peer pressure and fighting than my white kid. He's assumed to be a bystander and, as he says, if he doesn't look for trouble he has none.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the comments seem to come from suburbanites that thought living in the city would be cool. This type of situation happens a lot in middle and high school. You can't protect your son forever so seek a solution versus avoidance. Say you keep him home the rest of the year. What happens if he's out somewhere and encounters the kid again? It will be very ugly. So it's now or later!

If the school says there hands are tied, reaching out to the parents is your best option right now. It is already at a boiling point so either he fights the kid(s) or mediation. Going thru all the DCPS red tape is an option but won't help right now. You want an immediate solution. A friend went thru the exact same thing and she reached out the parents. They had no idea what was going on and immediately diffused the situation. Still pursue the DCPS options in tandem so the parents know the seriousness of the situation.

How old are your kids? I'm guessing elementary school. This is questionable advice for elementary kids. For 17/18 year olds it's loony.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this kid totally overreacted? He got chased. Period. he didn't get threatened or touched. One kid got chased by other kids. Isn't that just ... part of the life of a child?

Nothing bad happened.

The next time a group of people chase you while yelling threats, you should just carry on as if nothing was wrong. If they don't touch you, there's no problem.

While this may be common in most children's lives, doesn't it say something about our society that we accept it as a normal rite of passage?

There is a big difference between elementary or middle school kids and a high school senior. These are basically adults.

While they are 17/18 years old, they are still youths and still in school. And even if this were college or a first job, it is outrageous that this kind of conduct is acceptable or event expected. Kids are required by law to be in school, it needs to be a safe place. The fact that this is school limits the option of a student to protect him or herself.

My point was that 17/18 year olds are much more able to hurt each other than elementary school kids, so I don't think OP overreacted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, is there any way you could drive him for the next few weeks?

I would not feel comfortable driving my kid to school because the threat of the saftey is still there. Who's to say that this kid won't have his friends attempt an assault in the bathroom or cafeteria or a stairwell?

So, why did you even mention an Uber?