My Son No longer Feels Safe at His High School with Weeks Left Until Graduation. Please HELP!

[Anonymous]

Much useful advice provided thus far (I like PP's 1)-4) answer best, mediation and all) but it's also important for you to parse out this situation into different bits and think about each somewhat separately. First of all, you should at least try to let your son be at the center of handling this. Of course, he can't organize a mediation, he can't call a lawyer, but he knows the context and who's involved. He needs agency of this situation, at this age in particular, and for life really. Being wrongfully accused of something is not uncommon and very stressful, help him sort that out separately.

How you handle this - and more importantly, how HE HANDLES this - will be a lesson for life. If you are throwing yourself into a shaking panic, then that is what he will learn to do in the face of confusion, accusations, and threats. Treat this as a very unfortunate opportunity to help him cope and learn, learn how to deal with wrongful accusations (prof thinking you plagiarized... very common), how to evade threats and taunts, where and how to seek help, and just when to call it a day. Hard to judge from afar but absent 1) through 4) as outlined above, pulling your son out of school at this time would not be teaching him any of this. It would just send the message that he's helpless in such a situation, where clearly he is not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this kid totally overreacted? He got chased. Period. he didn't get threatened or touched. One kid got chased by other kids. Isn't that just ... part of the life of a child?

Nothing bad happened.

The next time a group of people chase you while yelling threats, you should just carry on as if nothing was wrong. If they don't touch you, there's no problem.

While this may be common in most children's lives, doesn't it say something about our society that we accept it as a normal rite of passage?

You are a lunatic. What do you think they boys would have done if he stopped ... talk it out like men!

Are you f'ing kidding me.

A boy at our school was beaten so badly by boys mad about a girl he missed a whole 1/2 a year of school. Concussion so bad he will never be 100% again.

My goodness, this is sad to hear. I concur, OP do NOT send your child back to school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Either you take pto and escort him or just don’t go back. His gpa can take it.

I would not take paid time off. If the perpetrators didn't care about the safety of your own child. I am quite sure they would not care about attempting to hrm you OP. This is a sad situation all around. I like the earlier advice of medical leave and contacting AJE (Special Needs Division) along with an educational consultant. You absolutely should get a stay-away order as it will only bolster your case for the school to be forced to take appropriate action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Much useful advice provided thus far (I like PP's 1)-4) answer best, mediation and all) but it's also important for you to parse out this situation into different bits and think about each somewhat separately. First of all, you should at least try to let your son be at the center of handling this. Of course, he can't organize a mediation, he can't call a lawyer, but he knows the context and who's involved. He needs agency of this situation, at this age in particular, and for life really. Being wrongfully accused of something is not uncommon and very stressful, help him sort that out separately.

How you handle this - and more importantly, how HE HANDLES this - will be a lesson for life. If you are throwing yourself into a shaking panic, then that is what he will learn to do in the face of confusion, accusations, and threats. Treat this as a very unfortunate opportunity to help him cope and learn, learn how to deal with wrongful accusations (prof thinking you plagiarized... very common), how to evade threats and taunts, where and how to seek help, and just when to call it a day. Hard to judge from afar but absent 1) through 4) as outlined above, pulling your son out of school at this time would not be teaching him any of this. It would just send the message that he's helpless in such a situation, where clearly he is not.

This proves my theory. Some people are just morons. OP, take action to help your son. You might just save his life. Anyone who tells you to just ignore him being chased, taunted, and threatened is an idiot - or a bully him/herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you’re almost 18 year old adult aged son is so terrified for his life at the prospect of being chased that you are attempting to involve police escorts and politicians in an attempt to protect him from an unknown threat? If he were over 18 (which maybe he is already) there would be nothing you could do anyways because it would be his issue to deal with as an adult. How in the world do you expect him to survive in college without police escorts or mommy and daddy showing up to defend him?

Anyone who is seriously threatened, child or adult, can and should consult the authorities. If my spouse threatens me but hasn't actually hurt me should I just "toughen up" and handle it all alone? No. No one would ever suggest that. This isn't so different and this isn't normal or ok. And prep for college? In most college environments kids aren't threatening harm on each other. It certainly didn't happen where I was at school and I do not think I am in the minority on that.

[Anonymous]

How about reaching out to that student’s parents about the situation? Since it could have gotten physical, I think that they should be made aware before it escalates.

[Anonymous]

It sounds to me like allowing your son to do the rest of his work from home is a reasonable solution. I hope this works out for your son, OP. I think you are correct in being extremely cautious in this situation. Best wishes to you and your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about reaching out to that student’s parents about the situation? Since it could have gotten physical, I think that they should be made aware before it escalates.

I would advise NOT doing that given that the parents of these fine progeny are likely as abusive as the children that they raised. Violence should NEVER be the answer. This group of boys sounds like a mob mentality and sounded as if they were out for blood. How about the school administration do its job? The OP should not be involved in reaching out to the parents, OP should be taking actions to protect her son. The school should take the concern of OP's situation seriously given the high suicide rates among youths today due to bullying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like allowing your son to do the rest of his work from home is a reasonable solution. I hope this works out for your son, OP. I think you are correct in being extremely cautious in this situation. Best wishes to you and your family.

He could probably do the work from home for a week or two. These incidents tend to blow over; problematic teenagers lack focus and direct their energies elsewhere.

I think this is a good compromise, plus his teachers completely understand.

OP: why do these boys think your son stole the phone? Or are they simply trying to shake him down for money?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are they even learning in these final weeks? Was he accepted to college? Don't think they will care about final grades.

OP here. Yes, DS is going to a 4 year university. I really do not want his grades to suffer at the end of the year as we are worried about potentially losing academic scholarship money.

I would call and speak with all of the people already recommended to you. Lawyer & AJE, board of education, ANC rep, as well as the school social worker, ask for the mediation. Get a dozen copies of the police report and attach them to the communications.
As a back up if you have a good relationship with your teens doctor or a psychological doctor you could get a medical letter excusing your schol from school and stating do to health reasons he needs to work from home for x number of weeks. There is very little if anything the school can do to go against medical needs. I would say this is very easily a mental health issue, no on can function well if they feel their life is threatened. With all of the bullying and teens hurting themselves in situations like this no one in their right mind would allow this to go on. I know this may seem extreme to some and it isn't fair your kid would need to have a medical excuse to stay home.
But
It might be a way to keep him safe until other avenues are able to make the school do the right thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me like allowing your son to do the rest of his work from home is a reasonable solution. I hope this works out for your son, OP. I think you are correct in being extremely cautious in this situation. Best wishes to you and your family.

He could probably do the work from home for a week or two. These incidents tend to blow over; problematic teenagers lack focus and direct their energies elsewhere.

I think this is a good compromise, plus his teachers completely understand.

OP: why do these boys think your son stole the phone? Or are they simply trying to shake him down for money?

OP here, DH spoke with DS at length, it seems this isn't the first time DS has had this issue with one of the boys from the incident. DS has tried to advocate for himself by speaking with a school resource officer previously. DH and I have always taught DS to advocate for himself first and if that doesn't work to come and seek help from us.

[Anonymous]

Here are two (of many numerous) cases where people were chased down and attacked. Those of you who think OP’s son overreacted or that this is no big deal, don’t really understand the gravity of these situations. I wonder if you feel this way because this happened to a boy.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6779861/amp/Schoolgirl-14-stabbed-neck-set-gang-12-thugs-Coventry.html

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Reena_Virk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one who thinks this kid totally overreacted? He got chased. Period. he didn't get threatened or touched. One kid got chased by other kids. Isn't that just ... part of the life of a child?

Nothing bad happened.

The next time a group of people chase you while yelling threats, you should just carry on as if nothing was wrong. If they don't touch you, there's no problem.

While this may be common in most children's lives, doesn't it say something about our society that we accept it as a normal rite of passage?

You are a lunatic. What do you think they boys would have done if he stopped ... talk it out like men!

Are you f'ing kidding me.

A boy at our school was beaten so badly by boys mad about a girl he missed a whole 1/2 a year of school. Concussion so bad he will never be 100% again.

A little off topic, so I apologize but as a mom of a middle schooler in a small charter, is this really what is common, or even happens a couple of times a year, at DCPS high schools and charters? Schools like Wilson, Latin, etc included? This is horrifying if even close to commonplace. No child should ever be chased, threatened and beaten at school. Fights sometimes, maybe but not beatings. And even more scary that the school(s) aren't outraged as well.

Here is a link to a gang related death earlier this year associated with a small charter:
https://www.washingtonpost.com/local/public-safety/shooting-on-georgia-avenue-in-northwest-washington/2017/11/09/74f2e1f6-c539-11e7-aae0-cb18a8c29c65_story.html?utm_term=.dd89e43db6cd

There was another for a young man I thought from a KIPP school earlier this year as well.

Violence is real - and children are threatened and die.

This was two years ago. The article mentioned that the victim attended a charter school and in no way suggested that the school had any association with his death.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d consult a lawyer tomorrow first thing. That response by the administrators is ridiculous.

This. If you don’t have a laawyer they won’t take you seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How about reaching out to that student’s parents about the situation? Since it could have gotten physical, I think that they should be made aware before it escalates.

I would advise NOT doing that given that the parents of these fine progeny are likely as abusive as the children that they raised. Violence should NEVER be the answer. This group of boys sounds like a mob mentality and sounded as if they were out for blood. How about the school administration do its job? The OP should not be involved in reaching out to the parents, OP should be taking actions to protect her son. The school should take the concern of OP's situation seriously given the high suicide rates among youths today due to bullying.

This. Reaching out to the parents is a horrible idea and could further escalate the situation.