NYT: 30 somethings still being bankrolled by their parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....

Just be careful doing this. Lots and lots of well off kids lose steam in their 20s because of ongoing support and end up choosing careers that will not support them. In my husband’s family, the kids of his wealthy uncles are all still dependent as grownups. The kids of the lower and middle class uncles are thriving and independent. Same with a number of people I grew up with. My parents are well off too, but cut us off after college tuition for about 10 years. It really helped us learn frugality and to establish ourselves as adults. Later on they started giving us money here and there, but by that time it was truly a gift; none of us need it. I’m not opposed to helping adults kids if one can afford it. But not for the period of young adulthood when they’re establishing themselves.

+1. My sister’s best friend has loaded parents. They have 5 children and NONE of them are gainfully employed enough to adequately provide for their families. Not one of them can even pay their full mortgage without their parents. FIVE kids and not one can!

I also know a bunch of people like this. They’ve never learned the value of a dollar and can’t manage their finances.

The worst is for the kids whose parents aren’t insanely wealthy. If your parents have a few million they will most likely spend all or most of it before they die. You’re not going to inherit much, especially with siblings. So your parents aren’t doing you any favors. You’re UMC and need to get with the program.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

If my husband accepted help from my parents or his I’d consider him a loser who couldn’t support his family. I would never admit this to his face but deep down I’d feel this way. He’s be emasculated if my parents wrote us heck’s or gave us a downpayment. Luckily we make enough money that we don’t need help from our parents. You might think your spouse doesn’t care, but he or she may feel differently.

DCUM rule of thumb: not everyone thinks or acts like you.

Why are your feelings on how other people live their life important? Not everyone feels this way, and your husband is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

What is family for if not to help each other?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

Nope. I make over 500k HHI. I don’t need help from my parents. I will inherit plenty.

Of course you do! Like most of the posters here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....

Just be careful doing this. Lots and lots of well off kids lose steam in their 20s because of ongoing support and end up choosing careers that will not support them. In my husband’s family, the kids of his wealthy uncles are all still dependent as grownups. The kids of the lower and middle class uncles are thriving and independent. Same with a number of people I grew up with. My parents are well off too, but cut us off after college tuition for about 10 years. It really helped us learn frugality and to establish ourselves as adults. Later on they started giving us money here and there, but by that time it was truly a gift; none of us need it. I’m not opposed to helping adults kids if one can afford it. But not for the period of young adulthood when they’re establishing themselves.

+1. My sister’s best friend has loaded parents. They have 5 children and NONE of them are gainfully employed enough to adequately provide for their families. Not one of them can even pay their full mortgage without their parents. FIVE kids and not one can!

I also know a bunch of people like this. They’ve never learned the value of a dollar and can’t manage their finances.

The worst is for the kids whose parents aren’t insanely wealthy. If your parents have a few million they will most likely spend all or most of it before they die. You’re not going to inherit much, especially with siblings. So your parents aren’t doing you any favors. You’re UMC and need to get with the program.

Yep, this is my SIL. My ILs provide for her and her kids and she never learned how to support herself and take care of the kids because she didn't have to do it. She's in her 40s now, my ILs are getting older and my MIL is begging us to support her if something happens to them. It's absolutely insane. My ILs never helped us because we were "lucky" to be financially responsible and to want to work.

[Anonymous]

^^ I know some UMC families barely or not saving for college under the assumption the grandparents will pay. I don’t think they have any idea how unlikely this is. The grandparents need a net worth of over $20 million to pay for 3-4 grandchildren to attend college after having paid for private school. In today’s dollars that is around a million dollars. It’s a million that most likely has to come from the sale of securities. A million is a big chunk of an estate unless they have tens of millions. This is after having paid for preschool and private schools. Elder care is incredibly expensive. I really don’t see how someone can take a chance on their parents paying for college unless the money is already in a trust. These are families who often need parental help for regular bills (home maintenance, car purchase) so I can’t imagine they have a huge trust fund.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

Nope. I make over 500k HHI. I don’t need help from my parents. I will inherit plenty.

Of course you do! Like most of the posters here.

There is another thread on dcum demographics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am one of these millennials and I don’t really care how “sad” it seems to other people. I would have my life together fine without parental help. They have offered me money and support, and so my standard of living is somewhat better. So what? I am married, have 2 great kids, have a great job and they are happy too. Thanks to them we are saving like crazy and ahead of most people financially.

You answered your own question

And? Is your point that you’re jealous or life is unfair? Either way it sounds like a lot of whining.

I'm not the PP, but here is my two cents, Everyone hates a smug, entitled, "born on third" kind of person, always have and most always will. sorry. Life is unfair. most people hate you. I kind of hate you and I don't even know you.

So again it boils down to you’re jealous of me and you’re whining about it. I don’t think I’m the one who needs to worry about being hated.

So people who call out your entitled attitude and callousness are "whining"?

Classic DCUM snob move there

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

If my husband accepted help from my parents or his I’d consider him a loser who couldn’t support his family. I would never admit this to his face but deep down I’d feel this way. He’s be emasculated if my parents wrote us heck’s or gave us a downpayment. Luckily we make enough money that we don’t need help from our parents. You might think your spouse doesn’t care, but he or she may feel differently.

DH comes from a culture where family help is accepted and understood. His parents had less money to give but also helped us with our wedding and down payment. The family is an organism and a unit and parents want their children to thrive. We have been lucky to have a marriage where we have one mind on financial matters. Without family help we would not have been able to have children as early as we did, and DH’s mother passed away when our son was 6 mo. If we had been going it on our own, we probably would have not had children early enough for her to see them.

Your respect for your DH sounds like it has a lot of strings, which is sad. I love and respect my DH no matter what because he is my husband, whether rich or poor.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

If my husband accepted help from my parents or his I’d consider him a loser who couldn’t support his family. I would never admit this to his face but deep down I’d feel this way. He’s be emasculated if my parents wrote us heck’s or gave us a downpayment. Luckily we make enough money that we don’t need help from our parents. You might think your spouse doesn’t care, but he or she may feel differently.

DH comes from a culture where family help is accepted and understood. His parents had less money to give but also helped us with our wedding and down payment. The family is an organism and a unit and parents want their children to thrive. We have been lucky to have a marriage where we have one mind on financial matters. Without family help we would not have been able to have children as early as we did, and DH’s mother passed away when our son was 6 mo. If we had been going it on our own, we probably would have not had children early enough for her to see them.

Your respect for your DH sounds like it has a lot of strings, which is sad. I love and respect my DH no matter what because he is my husband, whether rich or poor.

Sounds like you never grew up and are married to your in-laws. Nothing is ever free. Ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Yeah m in the same boat.it makes me feel sad and superior at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone who had no help applying to college (and making financial decisions about college), and no financial help from my parents after turning 18, this article is kind of rage inducing.

Nah. It’s totally worth being an independent adult whose major financial successes have been entirely on her own.

A lot of times money comes with strings. I have pseudo wealthy parents who could pay for things if I asked them. But I would feel like a loser having my parents pay for preschool, our downpayment etc.

Many of the friends whose parents still pay for things have marital problems as a result. Money is rarely free.

This is you trying to make yourself feel better. Lots of people get help with down payments, yearly gifts, etc. Often there is a solid relationship there. My parents gave me a large down payment and I didn’t even ask for it. If there were strings I didn’t see them and they certainly weren’t visible to my spouse, and definitely not a source of tension. And I didn’t buy an extravagant house, I bought a regular house and don’t have a mortgage.

If my husband accepted help from my parents or his I’d consider him a loser who couldn’t support his family. I would never admit this to his face but deep down I’d feel this way. He’s be emasculated if my parents wrote us heck’s or gave us a downpayment. Luckily we make enough money that we don’t need help from our parents. You might think your spouse doesn’t care, but he or she may feel differently.

DH comes from a culture where family help is accepted and understood. His parents had less money to give but also helped us with our wedding and down payment. The family is an organism and a unit and parents want their children to thrive. We have been lucky to have a marriage where we have one mind on financial matters. Without family help we would not have been able to have children as early as we did, and DH’s mother passed away when our son was 6 mo. If we had been going it on our own, we probably would have not had children early enough for her to see them.

Your respect for your DH sounds like it has a lot of strings, which is sad. I love and respect my DH no matter what because he is my husband, whether rich or poor.

Sounds like you never grew up and are married to your in-laws. Nothing is ever free. Ever.

Not really. I loved my MIL dearly and was I pretty despondent when she died. FIL pretty much minds his own business and lives in another country.

[Anonymous]

Hey all of you who say no to parents offering you large sums of cash- good for you!

Those of you accepting it- good for you!

Those of you not in that circumstance- who cares what you think!?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wife and i received the very minimum but now self made millionaires. We fully funded the kids educations and now that they are on their own, we are continuing to do so they keep the edge. Our kids remain thankful and know the help is a privelage, and not an entitlement and thus have made best of their opportunities. We consider it our best investment to continue this support. We feel it is best to provide the resource right now rather than leave an inheritance which they may receive in their 60s.....

Just be careful doing this. Lots and lots of well off kids lose steam in their 20s because of ongoing support and end up choosing careers that will not support them. In my husband’s family, the kids of his wealthy uncles are all still dependent as grownups. The kids of the lower and middle class uncles are thriving and independent. Same with a number of people I grew up with. My parents are well off too, but cut us off after college tuition for about 10 years. It really helped us learn frugality and to establish ourselves as adults. Later on they started giving us money here and there, but by that time it was truly a gift; none of us need it. I’m not opposed to helping adults kids if one can afford it. But not for the period of young adulthood when they’re establishing themselves.

+1. My sister’s best friend has loaded parents. They have 5 children and NONE of them are gainfully employed enough to adequately provide for their families. Not one of them can even pay their full mortgage without their parents. FIVE kids and not one can!

I also know a bunch of people like this. They’ve never learned the value of a dollar and can’t manage their finances.

The worst is for the kids whose parents aren’t insanely wealthy. If your parents have a few million they will most likely spend all or most of it before they die. You’re not going to inherit much, especially with siblings. So your parents aren’t doing you any favors. You’re UMC and need to get with the program.

I think there is a difference between giving a child a one-time gift, like paying for college or helping with a down payment, as opposed to bankrolling a lifestyle your child can’t afford on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
What was your purpose in posting this? Seems mean-spirited.


???

What was the purpose of the NYT in posting this in their front page?

It's just another way of showing the growing wealth inequity in this country. Showing the effects of the inequality. The millennials are being torn apart by this. That is an interesting story.

Seems to me this is mostly relevant for privileged NYT subscribers in large cities. I frankly doubt it's a window into millenials in the Mid West.