Neighbor offered her nanny to me in a way I don't want (bus stop "supervision")

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be tempted to turn it around on the other mom, Op.
“Thanks for your offer, but we feel it’s inportant for Larlo to develop independence in the safety of our neighborhood where I can clearly see him from the window. If you’re having trouble affording the nanny in the morning, I’m sure your kids would benefit from more independence as well.”

I +1 the bolded. I would not write the rest, I think that would make the pool awkward in the summer.

DP. Pool already will be awkward. I like the approach above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’d be tempted to turn it around on the other mom, Op.
“Thanks for your offer, but we feel it’s inportant for Larlo to develop independence in the safety of our neighborhood where I can clearly see him from the window. If you’re having trouble affording the nanny in the morning, I’m sure your kids would benefit from more independence as well.”

I +1 the bolded. I would not write the rest, I think that would make the pool awkward in the summer.

DP. Pool already will be awkward. I like the approach above.

Oh my goodness, that's horrible to write about affording the nanny in the morning, which is 100% rude. OP isn't trying to win the rudeness game.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She is telling her boss that most of her efforts go to watching and settling down little Johnny more than her charge Larlo. Mom says “well that’s not right they should be paying you! I’ll touch base with his mom and we’ll get this sorted” you said no and they decided to just cut him out of being supervised by not letting Larlo play with Johnny since he hypes everyone up. It is a pain when a kid with no supervision comes around and riles up the others so you are stuck with another child to control. That said they sound like a mafia extorting your money for “protection” the way you put it.

This is it exactly. OP can see her kid walk to the bus stop but not what he’s actually doing at the bus stop. She’s saying that he needs supervision and the nanny is the one stuck doing it. You’re welcome to decline the offer but then expect that limits will be put on your child’s behavior so that it’s not a burden to the adults at the bus stop.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ignore, ignore, ignore. I walked at 6 to my elementary school in Europe, so did my sister and all of us, much longer than what are average bus stop walks here.

+1 I grew up in NY and had a longer bus stop walk than the three houses OP is talking about for her 7 year old. I think ignoring this incident is the best idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a Nanny and am now the parent of a 6yo. Would you let your 7yo go and wait there alone if there was no one else at the bus stop. I personally would not. I might let a 7yo walk home from the bus but not stand there by himself for any length of time. I think the Nanny feeld obliged to watch and supervise your kid which isn't fair. I don't necessarily think you need to pay her but you need to acknowledge her being there is henefitting you.

Really? 3 houses away while the OP watches out the window???

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I don't get this - there are plenty of first graders that walk to our elementary school by themselves every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give the nanny $10 a week to escort your kid to the bus stop and make everyone happy. Honestly!

Nanny probably doesn't want money but wants to address child's behavior as it impacts the kid she cares for and the neighbors home that is getting damaged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is telling her boss that most of her efforts go to watching and settling down little Johnny more than her charge Larlo. Mom says “well that’s not right they should be paying you! I’ll touch base with his mom and we’ll get this sorted” you said no and they decided to just cut him out of being supervised by not letting Larlo play with Johnny since he hypes everyone up. It is a pain when a kid with no supervision comes around and riles up the others so you are stuck with another child to control. That said they sound like a mafia extorting your money for “protection” the way you put it.

This is it exactly. OP can see her kid walk to the bus stop but not what he’s actually doing at the bus stop. She’s saying that he needs supervision and the nanny is the one stuck doing it. You’re welcome to decline the offer but then expect that limits will be put on your child’s behavior so that it’s not a burden to the adults at the bus stop.

Or she's trying to get someone else to share the cost of her nanny either because she's cheap or because her nanny is spinning information that isn't true. OP should get clarity on whether anyone has seen bad behavior from her kid at the bus stop (not the nanny, who has a vested financial interest).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give the nanny $10 a week to escort your kid to the bus stop and make everyone happy. Honestly!

Nanny probably doesn't want money but wants to address child's behavior as it impacts the kid she cares for and the neighbors home that is getting damaged.

How is the neighbor's home getting "damaged"? Now you're just making up stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son walking to/from the bus stop with the nanny? Like he sees her on the way with her charges and he joins them? Is he waiting until they are walking past to leave your house?

If so, she might feel obligated to watch him, too, and doesn't feel right providing a service to you for free that she charges her employer money for.

If your kid is walking to/from the bus stop by himself, then the nanny is being sort of pushy.

That is ridiculous. What if this wasn't OP's kid but three doors down the other way neighbor who never talks to anyone and who no one has her number. Is nanny taking on every child that uses the bus stop? When nanny is at the playground is she responsible for every kid there, supervised or not? When you are taking care of kids you come across other humans who may or may not be well supervised and you need to deal with the kids you are in charge of in that scenario.

Nanny does not get a pay bump because another kid happens to use the same bus stop. What would she want anyway. This is five minutes a day? Lets say nanny is WELL paid and gets $25 an hour. That is 41 cents a minute. Let's cut that in half since nanny is watching her primary charges. So nanny and neighbor are blowing this up for what amounts to (MAYBE I don't know the breakdown of kids or nanny's actual salary so this is the top estimate) $2.08 a day. $10.41 a week. For 'keeping an eye' on a kid who happens to be standing there while also being watched by his mother down the way. Ridiculous but I suppose great for the nanny if she can add up all this ancillary child supervision she does every time she ever sees a child without their parent in the wild.

If the nanny is walking her charges to/from the bus stop every day and every day Op's son darts out of the house to walk with them, stirring the other kids up and egging them on to play games of chase, then Op's son is being a nuisance and creating more work for the nanny. If this has become a predictable, regular gig for the nanny...yeah, Op should pay her for her time.

1) there’s no evidence that Op’s son is being a nuisance. 2) it’s a walk of 3 houses that the mom can see from the window. 3) by that logic as a parent walking my kid to school, other parents need to start paying me if their kid “stirs up” my kid as they walk to school.

Ummm, if Op's kid is rambunctious and Op is busy watching from a window but not hearing the nanny asking the children to please settle down and Op is not there to step in when her son is being particularly wild then perhaps the nanny is right. Op's son would benefit from having some up close and direct supervision.

It sounds as though Op's kid is a being a bit of a nuisance, Op isn't hearing/seeing everything that is happening and the nanny would like to have the authority to supervise Op's son.

Then the nanny needs to tell Op that her kid is a pain. Instead, the nanny is trying to get paid for something she's been told she doesn't need to do.

Clearly the nanny has no intention of having words with Op. She offered to watch her son for a fee, Op said "no" and now the nanny has handled the situation by curbing the behavior of her own charges.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She is telling her boss that most of her efforts go to watching and settling down little Johnny more than her charge Larlo. Mom says “well that’s not right they should be paying you! I’ll touch base with his mom and we’ll get this sorted” you said no and they decided to just cut him out of being supervised by not letting Larlo play with Johnny since he hypes everyone up. It is a pain when a kid with no supervision comes around and riles up the others so you are stuck with another child to control. That said they sound like a mafia extorting your money for “protection” the way you put it.

This is it exactly. OP can see her kid walk to the bus stop but not what he’s actually doing at the bus stop. She’s saying that he needs supervision and the nanny is the one stuck doing it. You’re welcome to decline the offer but then expect that limits will be put on your child’s behavior so that it’s not a burden to the adults at the bus stop.

Or she's trying to get someone else to share the cost of her nanny either because she's cheap or because her nanny is spinning information that isn't true. OP should get clarity on whether anyone has seen bad behavior from her kid at the bus stop (not the nanny, who has a vested financial interest).

I think it's a bit extreme to call the few dollars OP would pay the nanny "vested financial interest." The nanny's interest is in keeping her charges safe and behaving appropriately and perhaps that is difficult with OP's son there.

[Anonymous]

I've been the only adult at the bus stop before. Trust me, kids are misbehaving and being annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Since you're friendly with the nanny, I think you should talk to her directly: "Have you seen any issues with Mortimer at the bus stop? If he's having issues or making more work for you, I definitely want to know!"

Nope! That sounds like feedback you’d ask from a teacher or a paid caregiver.

Don’t go down that rabbit hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is your son walking to/from the bus stop with the nanny? Like he sees her on the way with her charges and he joins them? Is he waiting until they are walking past to leave your house?

If so, she might feel obligated to watch him, too, and doesn't feel right providing a service to you for free that she charges her employer money for.

If your kid is walking to/from the bus stop by himself, then the nanny is being sort of pushy.

That is ridiculous. What if this wasn't OP's kid but three doors down the other way neighbor who never talks to anyone and who no one has her number. Is nanny taking on every child that uses the bus stop? When nanny is at the playground is she responsible for every kid there, supervised or not? When you are taking care of kids you come across other humans who may or may not be well supervised and you need to deal with the kids you are in charge of in that scenario.

Nanny does not get a pay bump because another kid happens to use the same bus stop. What would she want anyway. This is five minutes a day? Lets say nanny is WELL paid and gets $25 an hour. That is 41 cents a minute. Let's cut that in half since nanny is watching her primary charges. So nanny and neighbor are blowing this up for what amounts to (MAYBE I don't know the breakdown of kids or nanny's actual salary so this is the top estimate) $2.08 a day. $10.41 a week. For 'keeping an eye' on a kid who happens to be standing there while also being watched by his mother down the way. Ridiculous but I suppose great for the nanny if she can add up all this ancillary child supervision she does every time she ever sees a child without their parent in the wild.

If the nanny is walking her charges to/from the bus stop every day and every day Op's son darts out of the house to walk with them, stirring the other kids up and egging them on to play games of chase, then Op's son is being a nuisance and creating more work for the nanny. If this has become a predictable, regular gig for the nanny...yeah, Op should pay her for her time.

1) there’s no evidence that Op’s son is being a nuisance. 2) it’s a walk of 3 houses that the mom can see from the window. 3) by that logic as a parent walking my kid to school, other parents need to start paying me if their kid “stirs up” my kid as they walk to school.

Ummm, if Op's kid is rambunctious and Op is busy watching from a window but not hearing the nanny asking the children to please settle down and Op is not there to step in when her son is being particularly wild then perhaps the nanny is right. Op's son would benefit from having some up close and direct supervision.

It sounds as though Op's kid is a being a bit of a nuisance, Op isn't hearing/seeing everything that is happening and the nanny would like to have the authority to supervise Op's son.

Then the nanny needs to tell Op that her kid is a pain. Instead, the nanny is trying to get paid for something she's been told she doesn't need to do.

Clearly the nanny has no intention of having words with Op. She offered to watch her son for a fee, Op said "no" and now the nanny has handled the situation by curbing the behavior of her own charges.

Which is all she needs to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I used to be a Nanny and am now the parent of a 6yo. Would you let your 7yo go and wait there alone if there was no one else at the bus stop. I personally would not. I might let a 7yo walk home from the bus but not stand there by himself for any length of time. I think the Nanny feeld obliged to watch and supervise your kid which isn't fair. I don't necessarily think you need to pay her but you need to acknowledge her being there is henefitting you.

I agree. If you’re ok with your kid being there by himself, then no worries.