How to raise “popular” kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've known parents who think like you do. I have kids in high school.

Their kids were popular in elementary, and did well academically. Won all the awards. They were popular in middle school, but didn't do as well academically. Didn't win any awards. Now in high school, I never hear about them anymore. If I ask my kids about them, they say, "Meh, I haven't had them in my honors classes in years."

Glimpse the future, OP.

Honors classes does not mean popular. Glimpse the thread, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In my experience, middle school was the era of the traditional popular kid - extroverted, manipulative, successful in school and athletics but also slightly rebellious. By high school, the group of popular boys and girls fractured based on academic track and what their primary time-consuming extracurricular was. So the main Queen Bee, who had education-focused parents and got good grades, fell into the smart crowd and got a reputation for being a bit of a nerd. The other Queen Bee was a soccer star and disappeared into the soccer team, many of whom had been off the social radar before.

FWIW our homecoming queen was super friendly, nice to everyone, and very straightlaced. Not someone all the boys lusted after or a mean girl.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s good popular (naturally liked by many for the right reasons) and there’s not so good popular. Social engineering by parents results in not so good popular.

+1

The good-popular kids are those who are friendly, outgoing, and nice to everyone--those are the kids that everyone likes. Some of that is just personality, but you can help your kid develop good manners and social skills, encourage friendships, etc. The bad-popular kids are those whose standing is based on exclusion and manipulation, and parents can feed that, too.

Yep, I came from a lower middle class family. I was very popular in school. I was nice to everyone and am outgoing enough to meet people and join activities. You can’t teach or buy it.

[Anonymous]

Very popular = being liked by students from diverse social circles, nerds, geeks, jocks, academics, loners
Popular = being identified with a social group that seems exclusive

[Anonymous]

You do not want your kid in the popular groups. Ask high school parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Very popular = being liked by students from diverse social circles, nerds, geeks, jocks, academics, loners
Popular = being identified with a social group that seems exclusive

Yes, there is popular that means everyone likes them. Then, there is popular which means they are exclusive and think they are better than everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think most of it is natural. Parents start early with making social connections.

In middle school, they let their kid act older than they are. They encourage early "dating" and let their daughters wear questionable attire for an 11 year old.....something you'd expect on a 17 year old.

The "popular" kids at our school aren't the nice ones of even the nicest. However, they have created enough buzz about themselves that others will flock to be included.

This. I know someone grooming her child to be popular. Started the kid in cheer at the earliest age and posts photos of the kids now in first grade doing her own makeup, which looks heavier than my own, and wearing clothes meant for a teenager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, troll, but for the most part, this can't be engineered.

It comes out pretty early on (like in daycare) which kids are the popular social ringleader types, usually without parent intervention.

This. Its amazing what is innate in kids. Some kids are "mean girls" by age 4. Not intentionally but they are naturally confident, outspoken, extroverted and kids look to them for guidance and they haven't learned yet how to temper this. Being naturally attractive helps too. I think most true introverts will have a much harder go of this. Kids just seem to gravitate to the ring leader in the class.

Yes, this part is true, BUT. Not all confident/outspoken kids are popular.
I've seen a bunch of confident/outspoken 4th/5th graders who don't pick up on social cues. They shout answers, they shove their way to the front of the line, etc.

I do think they key to popularity is being socially intelligent while also being gregarious.

Yes, it's a calculated type of extroversion...I don't think it's coincidental that a lot of popular kids have parents I. Sales and end up in sales-y jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, troll, but for the most part, this can't be engineered.

It comes out pretty early on (like in daycare) which kids are the popular social ringleader types, usually without parent intervention.

This. Its amazing what is innate in kids. Some kids are "mean girls" by age 4. Not intentionally but they are naturally confident, outspoken, extroverted and kids look to them for guidance and they haven't learned yet how to temper this. Being naturally attractive helps too. I think most true introverts will have a much harder go of this. Kids just seem to gravitate to the ring leader in the class.

Yes, this part is true, BUT. Not all confident/outspoken kids are popular.
I've seen a bunch of confident/outspoken 4th/5th graders who don't pick up on social cues. They shout answers, they shove their way to the front of the line, etc.

I do think they key to popularity is being socially intelligent while also being gregarious.

That's true. There is one more element to popularity that neither of you has mentioned yet.

Popularity means people long to be with you, but you long for no one. Popular kids cannot be seen as striving to be with anyone or vulnerable to rejection. In fact, they can't be rejected because they never ask to be close to anyone; on the contrary, most kids want to be with them.

If there is one element to popularity, it's teaching kids not to care and to never run after anyone who shows any hint of not wanting them.

[Anonymous]

Why does popularity matter?

Why not just be content with having your group of friends?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, troll, but for the most part, this can't be engineered.

It comes out pretty early on (like in daycare) which kids are the popular social ringleader types, usually without parent intervention.

This. Its amazing what is innate in kids. Some kids are "mean girls" by age 4. Not intentionally but they are naturally confident, outspoken, extroverted and kids look to them for guidance and they haven't learned yet how to temper this. Being naturally attractive helps too. I think most true introverts will have a much harder go of this. Kids just seem to gravitate to the ring leader in the class.

Yes, this part is true, BUT. Not all confident/outspoken kids are popular.
I've seen a bunch of confident/outspoken 4th/5th graders who don't pick up on social cues. They shout answers, they shove their way to the front of the line, etc.

I do think they key to popularity is being socially intelligent while also being gregarious.

That's true. There is one more element to popularity that neither of you has mentioned yet.

Popularity means people long to be with you, but you long for no one. Popular kids cannot be seen as striving to be with anyone or vulnerable to rejection. In fact, they can't be rejected because they never ask to be close to anyone; on the contrary, most kids want to be with them.

If there is one element to popularity, it's teaching kids not to care and to never run after anyone who shows any hint of not wanting them.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t work that way. Popular kids tend to be aloof and not needy, not caring won’t make a kid popular.

However, appearing not to care makes rejection less humiliating.

[Anonymous]

From the title of this thread, I thought the OP had a kid who was already popular, and wanted advice on how to navigate some of the pitfalls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:J. Bezos is still struggling with the trauma of being ugly and unpopular.

He will never escape it

And now he's the world's richest man. How he looks doesn't matter, does it?

His wife was staring at Leonardo DiCaprio in front of him than he made a "joke" video about threatening Leo a day later.

All the money in the world is cope for looks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How is it that some kids just naturally seem to be “cool” and popular? How much of parenting/social grooming is involved? How much is natural?

Cool and popular kids are the most superficial.

[Anonymous]

To answer the thread title directly:

Reproduce with someone popular

Help your kids be well-groomed and well-dressed

Listen to your kids when they talk about trends and ask for specific things

Host your kids' friends at your home

Be friendly/popular yourself; parents control social activities up through elementary school at least

Build your child's self-esteem so they are confident and happy