How to raise “popular” kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Studies show that the popular kids are the most mature, do things first. You should probably double red-shirt your child, so that for example, they turn seven in kindergarten. That way the younger children will look up to them. they will also be the best at sports as they are bigger than average.

And then, in middle school, they'll be sixteen, looking twenty-five and buying beer for their eighth-grade classmates with a fake ID.. Great idea, PP, I'll implement it with my next offspring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Must have genes for extraversiom and reasonably good looks. Start group childcare early to develop strong social skills. Make sure they have the coolest clothes and things to draw the attention of other children.

I was a total loser as a kid, and the type you worried would blow up the school because of how much I was bullied. My daughter has been popular since kindergarten (now 16). She IS extroverted and MUCH better looking than I am. But she had never been to school until kindergarten, and we are poor and she never had the coolest clothes. Everything was strictly the sale racks of Old Navy and Children's Place with one or two clearance items from Gap.

I think she's popular partially because she's easy on the eyes, but moreso because she's friendly and funny and smart and outgoing.

Pp apparently is looking for validation for her childcare choices.

[Anonymous]

My two girls are very different. Both extroverted, both pretty, one is very confident and other kids gravitate towards her. The other is not as secure and while she has a lot of friends, I doubt she will ever be “popular” (she is only 5.5 so...). Same parents, same rules, etc.

[Anonymous]

Raise the kids you have, not the ones you wish you had.

[Anonymous]

Some people here are talking about "social" and "well-liked" kids. But there's a difference between that, I suspect, and what the OP wants for her kids, which is top-dog status.

[Anonymous]

Someone said that boys should be good at sports, and I think that's true.

I also agree that the girls are somewhat socially manipulative. And it doesn't mean they are devil children - just that they play the game. And yes, popularity is BUILT on the exclusion of others.

But for those kids are authentically popular and well liked by everyone: gregarious, funny, outgoing, socially appropriate always wins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The fact that you are asking this tellls me that your children will never be popular, OP.

X1000

OP stay in your lane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There’s good popular (naturally liked by many for the right reasons) and there’s not so good popular. Social engineering by parents results in not so good popular.

+1

The good-popular kids are those who are friendly, outgoing, and nice to everyone--those are the kids that everyone likes. Some of that is just personality, but you can help your kid develop good manners and social skills, encourage friendships, etc. The bad-popular kids are those whose standing is based on exclusion and manipulation, and parents can feed that, too.

This.

[Anonymous]

Quadratic equation- sports, good looks, charisma, the X factor is probably money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: for the most part, this can't be engineered.

It comes out pretty early on (like in daycare) which kids are the popular social ringleader types, usually without parent intervention.

Agree. U cannot make a child of ages 3~5 behave the way the parents want them to behave. Everything comes out naturally from early on. So, I don't think u can intervene your kids to be popular. Polite behavior, kind wordings, and considerate manner might help the kid later on. but mostly, its natural thing.

[Anonymous]

The wealthiest kids in a school are usually the most popular kids, and the good athletes.
They are also often involved in high risk behaviors, so it might not be something to strive for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The wealthiest kids in a school are usually the most popular kids, and the good athletes.
They are also often involved in high risk behaviors, so it might not be something to strive for.

Not true.

[Anonymous]

Extroverted and social. Good-looking and dressed in up-to-date/cool clothing styles and brands. Smart, well-rounded, and high-achieving are important too, especially in wealthier areas like ours. I grew up in a pretty rich suburb and there was definitely a large popular clique in all the honors/AP classes. Even the “nerdy” high-achieving kids had a certain amount of status from being near the top of the class.

For boys: Athletic, a house full of the latest video games, funny and laid back.

For girls: Being athletic is a little less important but can still be a positive. I think the popularity criteria for boys is relatively consistent through life, but there comes a time when girls start to value being stylish, up to date on pop culture, and a little more snarky and grown-up. I’d say that starts sometime around 4th-5th grade and carries until maybe junior year of high school, when there tends to be a bit of a “mellowing out” period.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Extroverted and social. Good-looking and dressed in up-to-date/cool clothing styles and brands. Smart, well-rounded, and high-achieving are important too, especially in wealthier areas like ours. I grew up in a pretty rich suburb and there was definitely a large popular clique in all the honors/AP classes. Even the “nerdy” high-achieving kids had a certain amount of status from being near the top of the class.

For boys: Athletic, a house full of the latest video games, funny and laid back.

For girls: Being athletic is a little less important but can still be a positive. I think the popularity criteria for boys is relatively consistent through life, but there comes a time when girls start to value being stylish, up to date on pop culture, and a little more snarky and grown-up. I’d say that starts sometime around 4th-5th grade and carries until maybe junior year of high school, when there tends to be a bit of a “mellowing out” period.

yep. i think this is pretty true.

[Anonymous]

Encourage your child to be comfortable in her own skin without trying to be “popular”. Let her pursue her own hobbies and interests without caring about what other kids are doing. The truly cool kids don’t give a flip about popularity. It just happens. Everyone avoids the kids who try too hard to be popular and who care too much about social status.