When a friend tells you they're cheating on their spouse...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:None of your business. That’s on her...

"MYOB" does not apply when someone voluntarily tells you they're having an affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, I usually ask to see a picture of the AP so I can feel jealous of my friend who is actually having hot sex again!

That's the spirit. I suspect it scares many women on DCUM, but most men aren't going to police fidelity among their male friends.
.

Another man and plus 2. Thing is, most men totally understand the urge to cheat and, if you are like most men in a low sex marriage, fight the urge constantly. So when told about infidelity, it's more like "yeah, I totally get it"

Where the advice comes in is when it's a long term affair with a homewrecker, and the advice is more like " be careful" or "it's not worth blowing up your family." It's never, "you are a moral abomination and we can't be friends"

My husband's brother told him not to get caught. That's it. My husband went to him for advice and rather than say "this is wrong, you have a great wife and marriage, work on that, figure it out" he said "don't get caught." We are divorced now.

How did you catch him?

[Anonymous]

I would send their spouse a anonymous note alerting them to the cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationships are far more nuanced and multi-faceted than we seem to think on DCUM.

I have a girlfriend at work who was quite naive when she started working in our firm after taking a few years off for kids. I got to know her and convinced her to join my Zumba class at lunchtime. She had high cheekbones and a lovely figure, and was very sweet. Her husband was in the Army in some basic position, and stationed in our area for 3-4 years. But something just seemed a bit off.

Then I met her husband at the holiday party, and it clicked. They were high school sweethearts with two kids, ages 7 and 5. She had them after getting her Community College degree, so she was still under 30. He was just “meh” and clearly holding her back. Yet she had no idea of what could be.

I made her my project. First I had my AP (one of the senior partners) convince her that she needed to upgrade her wardrobe for this professional position, and that the firm would reimburse her as this was to the firm’s benefit. Then I took her shopping. We bought outfits, shoes and accessories that were versatile, to be worn in an edgy hip firm AND out on the town. Finally we got her a makeover, and arranged with a top-notch training program to get her regular styling and blowouts at a reduced rate.

Having shed her old boring clothes and her mousy appearances, she looked dynamite . She started getting high-end attention like never before.

Her husband got nervous as he knew what this would mean. I played on his insecurities and showed my friend how he just held her back. But she couldn’t make the break unless she KNEW she had a better offer.

And THAT’S why I encouraged her to cheat. She used cheating to gain the experience to reel in a big fish. And about six months later, she did. She met a gorgeous hedge fund manager, and he was just so blown away that he was even willing to accept the kids as part of the deal. After all, nannies and private school are pocket change to this guy.

That was seven years ago. She happily signed a prenup because even those terms guaranteed her a life far beyond what her miserable soldier husband could give. Then she took the kids and had her boyfriend pay off the guy to agree to a quickie divorce. They got married and are blissfully happy. The kids are doing great in their boarding schools, as both prepare the kids not just academically but emotionally and psychologically as well for a lifetime of success.

That’s why I don’t judge when people consider cheating. Most of the time cheating indicates unhappiness, a broken heart. Ultimately the heart wants what it wants, and everyone suffers until the heart is healed.

Makes me think of r/thathappened on Reddit...

[Anonymous]

No person is all one thing.

I have a dear friend who has been cheating on her husband periodically over the last few years. She would have left her husband years ago if not for this affair. Her husband once told me that he knew she might not always be faithful, but he'd rather stay married to her and just not know.

It makes me incredibly uncomfortable to hear about it. It's dishonest and wrong, and the AP is also married with a family that is being deceived.

But she's a wonderful person in so many ways, an always-there-for-you friend, a great parent, and she really does love her husband.

I don't know what the right thing to do is, but mostly I just listen without much comment. I definitely judge her privately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Relationships are far more nuanced and multi-faceted than we seem to think on DCUM.

I have a girlfriend at work who was quite naive when she started working in our firm after taking a few years off for kids. I got to know her and convinced her to join my Zumba class at lunchtime. She had high cheekbones and a lovely figure, and was very sweet. Her husband was in the Army in some basic position, and stationed in our area for 3-4 years. But something just seemed a bit off.

Then I met her husband at the holiday party, and it clicked. They were high school sweethearts with two kids, ages 7 and 5. She had them after getting her Community College degree, so she was still under 30. He was just “meh” and clearly holding her back. Yet she had no idea of what could be.

I made her my project. First I had my AP (one of the senior partners) convince her that she needed to upgrade her wardrobe for this professional position, and that the firm would reimburse her as this was to the firm’s benefit. Then I took her shopping. We bought outfits, shoes and accessories that were versatile, to be worn in an edgy hip firm AND out on the town. Finally we got her a makeover, and arranged with a top-notch training program to get her regular styling and blowouts at a reduced rate.

Having shed her old boring clothes and her mousy appearances, she looked dynamite . She started getting high-end attention like never before.

Her husband got nervous as he knew what this would mean. I played on his insecurities and showed my friend how he just held her back. But she couldn’t make the break unless she KNEW she had a better offer.

And THAT’S why I encouraged her to cheat. She used cheating to gain the experience to reel in a big fish. And about six months later, she did. She met a gorgeous hedge fund manager, and he was just so blown away that he was even willing to accept the kids as part of the deal. After all, nannies and private school are pocket change to this guy.

That was seven years ago. She happily signed a prenup because even those terms guaranteed her a life far beyond what her miserable soldier husband could give. Then she took the kids and had her boyfriend pay off the guy to agree to a quickie divorce. They got married and are blissfully happy. The kids are doing great in their boarding schools, as both prepare the kids not just academically but emotionally and psychologically as well for a lifetime of success.

That’s why I don’t judge when people consider cheating. Most of the time cheating indicates unhappiness, a broken heart. Ultimately the heart wants what it wants, and everyone suffers until the heart is healed.

Damn. That's some stone cold psychopathy.

Yeah it is.

LOL
They posted that long winded fake story here a few months ago word from word. Copied and pasted from who knows where. FAKE

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your business. That’s on her...

"MYOB" does not apply when someone voluntarily tells you they're having an affair.

Sure it does. Say “Okay” and move on.

Next....

[Anonymous]

If there's a chance to interrupt her, do it. Don't listen. An affair is never ok. No reason to support this friend in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your business. That’s on her...

"MYOB" does not apply when someone voluntarily tells you they're having an affair.

Sure it does. Say “Okay” and move on.

Next....

Uh... no.

When you literally share your business with someone, without them asking or prodding, there is no "MYOB." It's up to them to decide what to do with it. Secretly tell spouse, ignore, judge internally or externally or whatever. MYOB is annulled when you voluntarily choose to share your business with someone on a platter

[Anonymous]

If they want my advice I give it to them, otherwise I usually just listen with envy of the hot sex they are having and I am not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will usually give my opinion....

But then usually let my friend figure it all out on her own.
Because I do not judge anyone for what they do since they will face any consequences for their actions.

We all are adults here.

Bravo

[Anonymous]

Woman here - I MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:None of your business. That’s on her...

"MYOB" does not apply when someone voluntarily tells you they're having an affair.

Sure it does. Say “Okay” and move on.

Next....

Uh... no.

When you literally share your business with someone, without them asking or prodding, there is no "MYOB." It's up to them to decide what to do with it. Secretly tell spouse, ignore, judge internally or externally or whatever. MYOB is annulled when you voluntarily choose to share your business with someone on a platter

Uh, yeah it does.... Woman here

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Man here, I usually ask to see a picture of the AP so I can feel jealous of my friend who is actually having hot sex again!

That's the spirit. I suspect it scares many women on DCUM, but most men aren't going to police fidelity among their male friends.
.

Another man and plus 2. Thing is, most men totally understand the urge to cheat and, if you are like most men in a low sex marriage, fight the urge constantly. So when told about infidelity, it's more like "yeah, I totally get it"

Where the advice comes in is when it's a long term affair with a homewrecker, and the advice is more like " be careful" or "it's not worth blowing up your family." It's never, "you are a moral abomination and we can't be friends"

My husband's brother told him not to get caught. That's it. My husband went to him for advice and rather than say "this is wrong, you have a great wife and marriage, work on that, figure it out" he said "don't get caught." We are divorced now.

How did you catch him?

He got a call/texts at a strange hour, I asked about it, his answer seemed off, I looked at our phone bill, called the number it was a woman and the rest unfurled from there. This woman was the second affair, he went to his brother during the first one when he was having a crisis of conscience. We had a good marriage, no kids yet, lots of sex, laughs, fun, money.