Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital

[Anonymous]

Good luck, op!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

This terminology is strange.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

That’s really sad for your daughter.

Like it or not, that is her history, that’s how she came into this world. I don’t understand people who adopt, then try to erase or minimize the child’s past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

That’s really sad for your daughter.

Like it or not, that is her history, that’s how she came into this world. I don’t understand people who adopt, then try to erase or minimize the child’s past.

Agree, as an adoptee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

That’s really sad for your daughter.

Like it or not, that is her history, that’s how she came into this world. I don’t understand people who adopt, then try to erase or minimize the child’s past.

Totally agree. If the mother died 5 hours after childbirth, is she not sill the mother? She’s not an egg donor. She’s still a mother. And maybe another mother will raise the child and parent the child, but you can’t/shouldn’t erase her existence simply because she was unable to parent or because she relinquished to give her child a better life than she could provide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

That’s really sad for your daughter.

Like it or not, that is her history, that’s how she came into this world. I don’t understand people who adopt, then try to erase or minimize the child’s past.

The choice of words has nothing to do with erasing someone from a child's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not use the word "mother" when explaining my adopted daughter's origins to her. I am her mother, the birth parents are the birth lady and the birth man. In no way would i assign a word like mother or father to them. My daughter can assign such terms to them if she wishes when she is older.

That’s really sad for your daughter.

Like it or not, that is her history, that’s how she came into this world. I don’t understand people who adopt, then try to erase or minimize the child’s past.

Totally agree. If the mother died 5 hours after childbirth, is she not sill the mother? She’s not an egg donor. She’s still a mother. And maybe another mother will raise the child and parent the child, but you can’t/shouldn’t erase her existence simply because she was unable to parent or because she relinquished to give her child a better life than she could provide.

A parent dying and the Dad or other mom raising the child is not comparable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP, this is a thread about a couple adopting, not about birthparents. Those of us who have adopted, are adoptees, etc. are telling you your choice of words is offensive to many of us. I truly hope you never ever teach my child as I would be horrified at what you are saying and you have no idea the harm you would cause my child saying what you are saying. You are also clueless to push open adoption without knowing each situation. There are many ways to adopt and its not in all kids best interests to keep in contact with their birthparents. I also find it interesting you only talk about the birthmother when there is also a birthfather and often other relatives. Your post/rant has nothing to do with the original topic and is offensive. You can advocate all you want in a world you do not know or understand but understand the harm you can do is far greater than the good.

First mother makes no sense. Some birthmoms do parent. Many do not. Ours never did. She is our child's birth mom. She gave birth. She never spent a day as the child's mother. As a parent through adoption, I am not the second mother.

You are very anti adoption and should not be addressing kids given your "knowledge."

Likewise comparing adoption today to those done in the 50-60's is not even comparable.

Yes she did, she spent 10 months as the childs mother while she grew the child inside her. You can tell yourself anything you want, that doesn't make it true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking of you and wishing with all my heart that you’re snuggling your newborn soon and that the birth mama finds peace too. Praying that it all comes together for all of you in the coming days and weeks.

I’m thinking of a quote, I think it’s Toni Morrison and she said “trust life, a little bit.” Sometimes things do work out and impossibly good things can happen.

Please keep us posted, I’m so invested now!

Point of fact: it's not an "impossibly good thing" that the birth mother conceived a child she can't raise, especially if it's for financial reasons (see OP's update that she's a waitress with other children). It's in fact a terrible thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m thinking of you and wishing with all my heart that you’re snuggling your newborn soon and that the birth mama finds peace too. Praying that it all comes together for all of you in the coming days and weeks.

I’m thinking of a quote, I think it’s Toni Morrison and she said “trust life, a little bit.” Sometimes things do work out and impossibly good things can happen.

Please keep us posted, I’m so invested now!

Point of fact: it's not an "impossibly good thing" that the birth mother conceived a child she can't raise, especially if it's for financial reasons (see OP's update that she's a waitress with other children). It's in fact a terrible thing.

Also it's weird that you're so invested in the **adoptive mother** getting what she wants. Think about that for a second: You're invested in the "impossibly good thing" of a mother giving up her baby, as opposed to the "impossibly good thing" of the birth mother realizing in the hospital that she wants to parent her child.

[Anonymous]

She's not the "birth mother." At this point, she is the mother-to-be. IF you get the chance to adopt, you'll be this child's mother as well. But for now the only person with a right to this baby is her mom. OP, I know it's impossible not to get attached, not to dream of the future. I have dealt with infertility and two adoptions that didn't happen (one from foster care, one a private kinship placement). It hurts terribly. I could have given the kids many things they will never have. But I never could have given the kids the chance to grow up with their biological parents, and all I can do now is be happy they are getting that, and be supportive of the relative who is parenting (we don't have contact with the family we know through foster care, at their preference).

To your immediate question, I do know a family who was at the hospital when a child was born and had picked out a name and emailed around pictures everything--but the baby's parents decided to raise him. It was devastating for them, and they later divorced. She wound up adopting a child privately a few years later, and also remarried and had biological children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. I wish a mother didn’t have to give up her child. I’m actually unaware of that many situations where the mom should need to do this. Adoption is so sad.

Take your bubble that you live in and go away.

It’s the opposite. I’ve traveled to places with adequate maternity leave and social safety nets for vulnerable populations. It’s tragic that poor women in the US are forced to choose between giving their baby to a stranger or giving them a terrible life in poverty and no way out. In most cases adoption is very much a permanent solution for a temporary problem.

You should travel back to one of those places and stay there, without internet access.

[Anonymous]

OP, this did happen to friends of mine, and it was devastating for them, but the family of young mother stepped in and was supported he decision, and child remained with birth family and in good hands. Then, a month later agency called them out of the blue--a young woman decided to place newborn and asked agency to make the best decision, and they reached out to my friends, and for them it has felt like it was meant to be.

I hope it works out for you as well!

[Anonymous]

About 15 years ago, DW and I were trying to adopt. In hindsight, I am 99% certain, the birth parent was using us to pay her expenses. What the agency did not tell us was that she had previously kept a baby after agreeing to give it up.

[Anonymous]

There are very few expenses that the prospective adoptive parents can pay