Did anyone have an adoption fall through at the hospital

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

I think that the PP is correct though, to give the birth parents time and space to make their decision. This is their baby before anyone else's and they shouldn't feel pressured or rushed, as hard as it is for the adoptive parents. I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you do wind up bringing a baby home. I know a couple that just took their adopted baby home from the hospital this time last year!

This has nothing to do with the topic. You missed the point completely. This isn't about how to interact with the birthparents. It is about the fear of a failed adoption.

Right. And OP might be better off if she gave herself some emotional distance and accepted that the baby belongs to the birth mother unless/until she relinquishes and any revocation period runs out. It's always better to accept reality. Not sure why OP is even (apparently) going to be in L&D. That seems like a lot of pressure on everyone.

I am a birth mother and when my daughter was born, the adoptive mother was there during the birth. It was a beautiful (though very, very difficult) experience. It depends on the type of adoption. Don’t rush to judge or assume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here! We totally support the birth mother and are only coming to the hospital after birth because she has asked over and over again if we will please come. If she changed her mind we will just get a hotel near by. I would never go where not invited. Ever.

OP, will it be an open adoption?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

I think that the PP is correct though, to give the birth parents time and space to make their decision. This is their baby before anyone else's and they shouldn't feel pressured or rushed, as hard as it is for the adoptive parents. I'm so sorry for your loss, OP, and I hope you do wind up bringing a baby home. I know a couple that just took their adopted baby home from the hospital this time last year!

This has nothing to do with the topic. You missed the point completely. This isn't about how to interact with the birthparents. It is about the fear of a failed adoption.

Right. And OP might be better off if she gave herself some emotional distance and accepted that the baby belongs to the birth mother unless/until she relinquishes and any revocation period runs out. It's always better to accept reality. Not sure why OP is even (apparently) going to be in L&D. That seems like a lot of pressure on everyone.

I am a birth mother and when my daughter was born, the adoptive mother was there during the birth. It was a beautiful (though very, very difficult) experience. It depends on the type of adoption. Don’t rush to judge or assume.

+1, we were at the hospital watching the birthparents older child. I didn't want to be in the room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.

You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.

Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.

Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.

DP. I don't think that's fair. Maybe you can quibble with some of the phrases that PP used, but I agree with someone else who said the overall sentiment is reasonable and on-topic. I don't think a birth mother (I assume that is a more neutral term) should be pressured into giving up a baby and that it is reasonable to give her some time to make a final decision. I don't think anyone pro-adoption would support pressuring someone to give up their baby and I don't think advocating against it shows a lack of support to OP, who presumably would not want the birth mother to be pressured into giving up the baby even if she very much hopes she voluntarily chooses to go through with the adoption.?

Stay on topic or start your own thread. This is offensive. No one is pressuring to place. OP just asked about fall through experience as they are nervous it could happen and it does happen. Instead of supporting her/him you are pushing your own agenda. You are showing a lack of support.

[Anonymous]

OP you sound like a lovely, caring person. Good luck to you. Please update us when you can-though you will probably be too busy with your newborn!

[Anonymous]

It does happen. Social work is there and my guess is they would be called (in-house) to talk with birthparent. Wishing you all the best.

[Anonymous]

This makes me sad. I wish a mother didn’t have to give up her child. I’m actually unaware of that many situations where the mom should need to do this. Adoption is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you sound like a lovely, caring person. Good luck to you. Please update us when you can-though you will probably be too busy with your newborn!

+1! Feeling optimistic for you OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.

You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.

Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.

Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.

DP. I don't think that's fair. Maybe you can quibble with some of the phrases that PP used, but I agree with someone else who said the overall sentiment is reasonable and on-topic. I don't think a birth mother (I assume that is a more neutral term) should be pressured into giving up a baby and that it is reasonable to give her some time to make a final decision. I don't think anyone pro-adoption would support pressuring someone to give up their baby and I don't think advocating against it shows a lack of support to OP, who presumably would not want the birth mother to be pressured into giving up the baby even if she very much hopes she voluntarily chooses to go through with the adoption.?

Stay on topic or start your own thread. This is offensive. No one is pressuring to place. OP just asked about fall through experience as they are nervous it could happen and it does happen. Instead of supporting her/him you are pushing your own agenda. You are showing a lack of support.

Don't break your neck falling off your high horse. I don't have an agenda at all. I hope the adoption goes through smoothly and that all parties -- OP, the birth mother, and the baby are happy. I was simply responding to a prior post that I thought was too harsh on a prior poster -- that you in your sole discretion decide that response is not "supportive" does not mean that it is off topic or inappropriate.

(Now, the more recent poster who said that almost all adoptions are sad, I could see why you would view that as anti-adoption and arguably offensive in this thread. But that isn't remotely similar to what I posted.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.

You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.

Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.

Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.

DP. I don't think that's fair. Maybe you can quibble with some of the phrases that PP used, but I agree with someone else who said the overall sentiment is reasonable and on-topic. I don't think a birth mother (I assume that is a more neutral term) should be pressured into giving up a baby and that it is reasonable to give her some time to make a final decision. I don't think anyone pro-adoption would support pressuring someone to give up their baby and I don't think advocating against it shows a lack of support to OP, who presumably would not want the birth mother to be pressured into giving up the baby even if she very much hopes she voluntarily chooses to go through with the adoption.?

Stay on topic or start your own thread. This is offensive. No one is pressuring to place. OP just asked about fall through experience as they are nervous it could happen and it does happen. Instead of supporting her/him you are pushing your own agenda. You are showing a lack of support.

Don't break your neck falling off your high horse. I don't have an agenda at all. I hope the adoption goes through smoothly and that all parties -- OP, the birth mother, and the baby are happy. I was simply responding to a prior post that I thought was too harsh on a prior poster -- that you in your sole discretion decide that response is not "supportive" does not mean that it is off topic or inappropriate.

(Now, the more recent poster who said that almost all adoptions are sad, I could see why you would view that as anti-adoption and arguably offensive in this thread. But that isn't remotely similar to what I posted.)

Not to worry, if I fall, you'll already be down so you can break my fall. Your not posting anything supportive and is very hurtful to someone already anxious and who has a lot of money, time and emotions invested. Start your own thread to talk about birthparents rights and needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. I wish a mother didn’t have to give up her child. I’m actually unaware of that many situations where the mom should need to do this. Adoption is so sad.

You live a very sheltered life then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for the responses. We had a baby born still years and walking out those labor and delivery doors without a baby is truly my worst fear. I know the chances of it happening are likely so I am trying to physically and mentally prepare myself. We have had matches that have fallen through before but both at much earlier stages. Everything points to "its a go" but I know how suddenly things change during these situations. Ive been getting migraines like crazy and DH has lost 10 pounds in 2 weeks. We just really want it to "be over" so we just know. Thanks for letting me vent anonymously.

I am so, so sorry for your loss, OP. I wish you every happiness. I hope you can also hold on to the awareness of the kind of grief the first mother may experience if she walks out of labor and delivery without her baby, too, only with the added (or different) grief of leaving her baby behind. I hope you will give her time and space to be certain and allow hormones and emotions to settle down before she makes her final decision. Please do not cried her or rush her. I know many first mothers who deeply regret their choice to relinquish and felt incredible pressure from the adoptive families. They genuinely cared about the prospective adoptive parents and felt such pressure not to break anyone’s heart at the last minute. But compassion for you should not outweigh her if she chooses to parent, and I hope you can be as loving and generous as possible in allowing this baby to be raised by its natural parents if that is what the mother chooses. Please give her time alone with the baby and allow her emotions to settle.

Rooting for your family in every way, and for this child and her mother.

There is no such thing as a first mother and natural parent. You constantly comment on here your anti-adoption rants. Its unfortunate you had a bad experience but your posts are offensive with first parent, natural parent... an parent through adoption is no less a parent and is not an 2nd parent or unnatural parent. My heart would break of you spoke to my child that way about adoption.

There is literally nothing she wrote there that is anti-adoption.

You might not be aware but this language is EXTREMELY anti adoption. You see "natural parents" "first mother" and other such language used all over the internet to undermine the relationship a child has with their parents (ie the ones who raised them). It's a very swarmy, undermining way to be anti adoption.

Ok, I can believe those words are used that way. But other than those specific phrases, nothing of what she said is wrong.

Anti-adoption folks use them but they are very offensive to the parents and kids. This is about supporting someone trying to adopt and has nothing to do with the birthparents and their needs. Start your own thread.

DP. I don't think that's fair. Maybe you can quibble with some of the phrases that PP used, but I agree with someone else who said the overall sentiment is reasonable and on-topic. I don't think a birth mother (I assume that is a more neutral term) should be pressured into giving up a baby and that it is reasonable to give her some time to make a final decision. I don't think anyone pro-adoption would support pressuring someone to give up their baby and I don't think advocating against it shows a lack of support to OP, who presumably would not want the birth mother to be pressured into giving up the baby even if she very much hopes she voluntarily chooses to go through with the adoption.?

Stay on topic or start your own thread. This is offensive. No one is pressuring to place. OP just asked about fall through experience as they are nervous it could happen and it does happen. Instead of supporting her/him you are pushing your own agenda. You are showing a lack of support.

Don't break your neck falling off your high horse. I don't have an agenda at all. I hope the adoption goes through smoothly and that all parties -- OP, the birth mother, and the baby are happy. I was simply responding to a prior post that I thought was too harsh on a prior poster -- that you in your sole discretion decide that response is not "supportive" does not mean that it is off topic or inappropriate.

(Now, the more recent poster who said that almost all adoptions are sad, I could see why you would view that as anti-adoption and arguably offensive in this thread. But that isn't remotely similar to what I posted.)

Not to worry, if I fall, you'll already be down so you can break my fall. Your not posting anything supportive and is very hurtful to someone already anxious and who has a lot of money, time and emotions invested. Start your own thread to talk about birthparents rights and needs.

It's great that you have decreed by fiat that most post is very hurtful, but I haven't said anything that OP doesn't agree with. All I have said is that I agree with a PP who said that birth parents should not be pressured into an adoption and should be given time to decide. On the final post of the second page, OP said that she agrees with this. And honestly, I would hope that everyone would agree with this and never would have thought of that as a controversial proposition. That you seem to want to conflate my comments with some other's comments that arguably are hostile to adoption is misguided. I am not hostile at all, and as I said before, I hope OP's adoption goes through smoothly.

Finally, it is really hard to completely separate OP's question - 'Did an adoption fall through at the hospital' - with the issue of a birth mother's rights. Why? Because one of the main reasons that an adoption may fall through at the last minute is that a birth mother changes her mind. I guess in your mind a "supportive" and therefore appropriate response would that no, adoption almost never fall through, and that everything will be puppy dogs and rainbows. But that's not true all the time, but again, hopefully it will be for OP.

[Anonymous]

)

Not to worry, if I fall, you'll already be down so you can break my fall. Your not posting anything supportive and is very hurtful to someone already anxious and who has a lot of money, time and emotions invested. Start your own thread to talk about birthparents rights and needs.

It's great that you have decreed by fiat that most post is very hurtful, but I haven't said anything that OP doesn't agree with. All I have said is that I agree with a PP who said that birth parents should not be pressured into an adoption and should be given time to decide. On the final post of the second page, OP said that she agrees with this. And honestly, I would hope that everyone would agree with this and never would have thought of that as a controversial proposition. That you seem to want to conflate my comments with some other's comments that arguably are hostile to adoption is misguided. I am not hostile at all, and as I said before, I hope OP's adoption goes through smoothly.

Finally, it is really hard to completely separate OP's question - 'Did an adoption fall through at the hospital' - with the issue of a birth mother's rights. Why? Because one of the main reasons that an adoption may fall through at the last minute is that a birth mother changes her mind. I guess in your mind a "supportive" and therefore appropriate response would that no, adoption almost never fall through, and that everything will be puppy dogs and rainbows. But that's not true all the time, but again, hopefully it will be for OP.

Again, this has nothing to do with anything you are talking about and OP is looking for support and experiences for her, not the birth mom. Absolutely adoptions fall through for many reasons and she is looking for reassurances her's will be ok which no one can give which is why we aren't sharing our horror stories. Mine probably can top everyones but its not a competition nor would I want to scare anyone out of adopting. This has nothing to do with the birthmom's needs and that should be a separate thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. I wish a mother didn’t have to give up her child. I’m actually unaware of that many situations where the mom should need to do this. Adoption is so sad.

Take your bubble that you live in and go away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This makes me sad. I wish a mother didn’t have to give up her child. I’m actually unaware of that many situations where the mom should need to do this. Adoption is so sad.

Take your bubble that you live in and go away.