How to make sure DH and I are not a burden on our children someday when we are elderly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their 70's and doing very well with no need from us.

Here's a question - At what age do people start going really downhill? I am dreading the downhill stage, as it seems like so many adult children are miserable taking care of their parents.

I think the 80's. At least that is my case. I'm pretty anxious about the whole thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their 70's and doing very well with no need from us.

Here's a question - At what age do people start going really downhill? I am dreading the downhill stage, as it seems like so many adult children are miserable taking care of their parents.

There is no one answer. My mother got very sick and died at 72. Others are healthy into their late 80s. It is very rare to find someone living independently into their 90s though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The consequences you draw are quite tenuous. Cancer as a result of taking care of aged parents? Seriously? I think it's really because so many people are already unhealthy and overweight and don't exercise. Don't blame it on eldercare.

Don't underestimate the power of stress. This is admittedly anecdotal, but every single person I know who received a cancer diagnosis did so within months of a traumatic event—serious illness or death of a parent, child or spouse, job loss, or natural disaster.

THIS. Caregivers are high risk for severe illness. There is research supporting a correlation and while correlation does not equal causation I think any of us who have been in the trenches caregiving for an elderly parent who is difficult can tell you it seems highly likely. I can barely recover from the common cold. I catch viruses much more often than I did. I have more headaches, stomachaches, all body aches and less time to check to them out. I have no doubt it decreases the immune system and you are less likely to catch major problems early.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are in their 70's and doing very well with no need from us.

Here's a question - At what age do people start going really downhill? I am dreading the downhill stage, as it seems like so many adult children are miserable taking care of their parents.

Really depends on luck, health, and genetics--my parents were doing fine in their 70s and then my dad was diagnosed with a rare cancer and things plummeted downhill rapidly.

Also, not be alarmist, but all it takes is a stroke or heart attack or bad fall.

This could happen at any age, though. I don't think you should be expected to live the last 10, 20 or 30+ years of your life in a nursing home because you are afraid that you might have a health problem.

Nobody's saying you should live in a nursing home, just that you should be prepared in case you have to eventually move into a facility or need in-home help.

[Anonymous]

Agree with lot of what people have written before -

"...
*to keep myself as healthy and mobile as I can
*be aware of what services are available both free & not free
*modify house as needed to prevent falls/reduce risks
*have savings to hire care/services as needed
*keep a healthy relationship going with my child

..."

I will add to it the following -

- Long term disability insurance
- Swedish death cleaning - (Get rid of as many possessions you do not use)
- Convert fixed assets (piece of land, that apartment in a tourist town, coin collection) into liquid assets. Consolidate your finances
- Give a portion of inheritance to your kids now so that they can invest it in buying their home or getting a degree. If your kids are well settled they are more likely to be able to be resilient when you need help.
- Get all your paperwork organized so that another person does not have to run around trying to figure it out.

My parents helped me and my two siblings to buy houses and we all have a small in-laws suit for them in our homes. They live 4 months with each of us and they are basically without a house, mortgage etc. It helps that all of us are in Montgomery County in MD and they live fairly independent lives and have their own money, SS, medicare etc. They have a car which they do not use very frequently. My dad is thinking of getting rid of it so that he can use uber. My mom has already given each of us her jewellery. All their assets after them will be divided equally among the siblings.