Would you be annoyed with this? Birthday party RSVP for twins.

[Anonymous]

I’m not a twin mom and maybe this is passive aggressive but I don’t think it’s a huge deal if you say there was - no name on the invitation Jane has a twin sister in Y class. Should I just bring Y or bring them both? Either way is ok.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds to me also like there is a general "rule" (whether required or cultural) that everyone in the class (not grade) is invited. That's why the invites were put into backpacks.

It sounds like all three invitations were specifically for just one twin. I would just roll with it. Each twin is going to get invitations to birthday parties for all the kids in their class -- and it will be equal. Sure, they may end up with some closer friends who know both and invite both, but that seems fair.

I would never ask if a sibling could come along unless I didn't have childcare that day. In one case, I did ask if I could bring my toddler along to a party at a home and explained that my DH was going to be out-of-town and I didn't have a babysitter. I also knew that the previous year, other siblings had come to the same kid's party. If it's at a home, you could consider asking if it's really, really important to you. If it's at a venue, no.

I would assume it’s a childcare thing. Do most people ready have flexible childcare available all weekend every weekend? A lot of people work outside M-F 9-5 jobs. It seems reasonable to assume that the OP needs to work some weekends and/or her husband does too. And if they just moved, the OP probably doesn’t have a big network of babysitters. It doesn’t seem unreasonable to me at all to ask to bring a twin who is known by the birthday child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m not a twin mom and maybe this is passive aggressive but I don’t think it’s a huge deal if you say there was - no name on the invitation Jane has a twin sister in Y class. Should I just bring Y or bring them both? Either way is ok.

I messed that up a lot with typos. Let’s try it again:

I don’t think it’s a huge deal if you say: “there was no name on the invitation. So I just wanted to check, Jane has a twin sister in Y class. Should I just bring Jane or bring them both? Either way is ok.”

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a big deal. Someone just did this at our last birthday party for my second grader. There are only two classes per grade, so all of the kids are friends with each other. I find this much less rude than other party faux pas like late RSVPs or bringing a gift to a “no gift” party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the school has a rule or tradition of inviting everyone int the child's class (not grade). So find out if that is the policy and if so explain it to your kids. Most of the time, you will each be invited to the parties in your own class.

Either way, do not show up with an uninvited guest. I don't know about your school, but in my DC's first school there were 20 kids total, which included six sets of twins (only 2 kids were not twins). In the current school, there are nine sets of twins (its a big school). So that would be a lot of extra kids showing up at birthday parties.

Why are so many twins at your child’s school?

[Anonymous]

A twin mom asked me last year if she could bring both her kids to my child's pay per head birthday party because she "couldn't bring one without the other." I said yes, and then she was a no-show!

[Anonymous]

Depends on the venue. When my son gets an invite to a bounce house type place and I don’t have someone home with my other kid, I will ask the venue if I can pay for 1 kid entrance fee. If they have space, I then ask the parent if my toddler can be in the room for cake / pizza and make sure they know I’m paying entrance and supervising the toddler.

[Anonymous]

I just think it's good to see the twins as individuals, and if one is invited to her class party (and there are two classes in the grade and the other twin is in the other class) to not have the other attend.

If you had one kid that was 9 months older/younger and in a higher/lower class, then you wouldn't be thinking this way. I know that the two classes will probaby mix kids (reshuffle) through the years, so you are thinking that Twin 1 should hang out with Twin 2 at the party because all will end up being classmates at some point, but Twin 1 isn't in the class, just like the other class kid Larla isn't in the birthday child's class; she's not invited.

OP ya gotta treat them as traditional siblings (individuals) and don't keep lumping them together. They are in different classes for a reason--so they can be seen as individuals and not just-as-twins.

[Anonymous]

Okay, #twinmom

As an #onlymom, how do I know if it’s #twinsBFF, or ##twinbutseparateperson?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the school has a rule or tradition of inviting everyone int the child's class (not grade). So find out if that is the policy and if so explain it to your kids. Most of the time, you will each be invited to the parties in your own class.

Either way, do not show up with an uninvited guest. I don't know about your school, but in my DC's first school there were 20 kids total, which included six sets of twins (only 2 kids were not twins). In the current school, there are nine sets of twins (its a big school). So that would be a lot of extra kids showing up at birthday parties.

Why are so many twins at your child’s school?

IVF

[Anonymous]

I have twin nephews about the same age. Their mom does that, and I think it's a mistake. It would actually do them good to spend time apart in social settings. Forcing them to do everything together has had a detrimental effect on one's personality.

Just let each girl go to the party she was invited to. It will be okay for them to spend a couple of hours apart, to be in a social setting without the other one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like the school has a rule or tradition of inviting everyone int the child's class (not grade). So find out if that is the policy and if so explain it to your kids. Most of the time, you will each be invited to the parties in your own class.

Either way, do not show up with an uninvited guest. I don't know about your school, but in my DC's first school there were 20 kids total, which included six sets of twins (only 2 kids were not twins). In the current school, there are nine sets of twins (its a big school). So that would be a lot of extra kids showing up at birthday parties.

Why are so many twins at your child’s school?

IVF

+1 and older moms generally (when menopause is starting to show its head on the horizon, sometimes multiple eggs are released due to more of a certain type of hormone, which doesn't happen as often with younger women).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of twins and at that young age-if I was expected to stay at party I’d only ask if it was an at home/whole class invited type of party where it was easier to accommodate. Otherwise twin not invited stays home w/other parent or babysitter, Grandparents OR you all stay home. Since they’re in different classes you are already doing a great thing and raising them as individuals not an unbreakable set: keep doing that!!! They’ll appreciate being seen as Larla and Larli-not the twins.

This doesn’t make sense. The other child stays home with the other parent. Why does it matter what age they are just because they’re twins? If you had a 3 yo sibling you’d ask to bring them while the other parent is home alone? Frankly, if I’m having a party at my house I *don’t* want any extra kids because if I say yes to you I have to say yes to everyone who asks and I don’t want a million people in my house. If a whole class is being invited I also don’t want extra kids. It’s not easier to accommodate as you presume.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a mom of twins and at that young age-if I was expected to stay at party I’d only ask if it was an at home/whole class invited type of party where it was easier to accommodate. Otherwise twin not invited stays home w/other parent or babysitter, Grandparents OR you all stay home. Since they’re in different classes you are already doing a great thing and raising them as individuals not an unbreakable set: keep doing that!!! They’ll appreciate being seen as Larla and Larli-not the twins.

This doesn’t make sense. The other child stays home with the other parent. Why does it matter what age they are just because they’re twins? If you had a 3 yo sibling you’d ask to bring them while the other parent is home alone? Frankly, if I’m having a party at my house I *don’t* want any extra kids because if I say yes to you I have to say yes to everyone who asks and I don’t want a million people in my house. If a whole class is being invited I also don’t want extra kids. It’s not easier to accommodate as you presume.

I wouldn't want a bunch of extra people at my house either. The PP is just thinking about herself - that there's "just one more kid". Doesn't understand that she's not special and the rules would then apply to everyone and all other siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a bunch of bitches. Of course your twin would be invited if I was the host.

Same! I do not have twins, nor do I know many families that do, but I can't imagine having to tell one twin that she's not invited and the other one is, when they both interact with the birthday girl on a semi-regular basis.

If it's a venue where headcount matters, maybe this is a problem. If it's a home party, definitely ask. It's likely the parent didn't know there was a twin.