Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class

[Anonymous]

I'm finding it hard to believe the doctor cleared him to fly.

This story doesn't add up.

[Anonymous]

There is literally nowhere on a commercial flight that it is morally acceptable to put this man. No one who advocates him getting on a plane at all is "right."

Now, OP, what are you going to do about it?

[Anonymous]

He should be in first-class if not on a medical flight and expenses should be taken out of his account upfront to handle it or the difference in fare.

[Anonymous]

This isn't a "medical evacuation" (and probably wouldn't even qualify for one -- which, by the way, would cost more than he actually has).

This is simply vanity. OP's SIL has a vision of "being at his side" when her father dies -- but she has no intention of actually making any effort to do that. The mountain has to come to Mohammed.

OP -- I've posted this before and I'll say it again. You MUST stop this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm finding it hard to believe the doctor cleared him to fly.

This story doesn't add up.

It’s probably a family friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, OP and her husband aren’t fighting to keep him here, they are fighting over first class vs coach. The doctors said it was fine, apparently they think it’s fine also. Talk of court orders and elder abuse seems irrelevant.

It is relevant if they do not agree and want to keep Dad. I suspect OP doesn't want to keep Dad. First class is not relevant... who cares.

OP said she thinks this is “nuts” and that her preference was to keep him in place, but that’s SIL is “adamant” that he be moved.

OP did not ask a question about how to keep him here. She wants to talk about who is right on first vs coach. I do not see OP or her husband as these good guy advocates for FIL because at this point they are facilitating the move and just arguing over finances. Hopefully this thread has opened OP’s eyes and she will convince her DH about what’s actually important here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guys, OP and her husband aren’t fighting to keep him here, they are fighting over first class vs coach. The doctors said it was fine, apparently they think it’s fine also. Talk of court orders and elder abuse seems irrelevant.

It is relevant if they do not agree and want to keep Dad. I suspect OP doesn't want to keep Dad. First class is not relevant... who cares.

OP said she thinks this is “nuts” and that her preference was to keep him in place, but that’s SIL is “adamant” that he be moved.

OP did not ask a question about how to keep him here. She wants to talk about who is right on first vs coach. I do not see OP or her husband as these good guy advocates for FIL because at this point they are facilitating the move and just arguing over finances. Hopefully this thread has opened OP’s eyes and she will convince her DH about what’s actually important here.

+1

They should just pay for the upgrade if it matters so much to them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you need to make a stand here. What is happening here is not right and you know it. Some things are worth causing big problems over and the comfort of a dying man is one of them. I am shocked at the ethics and judgment of the doctor who cleared FIL to fly and I think it's entirely possible the airline will deny him boarding anyway once they see him despite this "clearance"--the ultimate decision is up to the pilot, not the doctor. And the other passengers will judge the hell out of you--I certainly would.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn't a "medical evacuation" (and probably wouldn't even qualify for one -- which, by the way, would cost more than he actually has).

This is simply vanity. OP's SIL has a vision of "being at his side" when her father dies -- but she has no intention of actually making any effort to do that. The mountain has to come to Mohammed.

OP -- I've posted this before and I'll say it again. You MUST stop this.

If that’s her wish than SHE should fly to him and spend his finals days in place.

[Anonymous]

Fly him first class? Why fly him at all? Take him to the truck stop at Lorton, he can ride with a kind hearted semi driver to Kansas City, catch a special rate Greyhound to Vegas, where he rides Amtrak to LA.

I cannot believe the incredible cheap SOB’s. It’s his money, and he’s dying.

[Anonymous]

I really don't think first class is going to be any more comfortable on a meaningful level than coach.

The flight won't be fun regardless of the seat. If you do wheelchair service, he can get on first and off last. It will however be over quickly and is a one time thing.

Put the money towards better care, a good bed, hospice comfort measures etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coach, he is going to need 24/7 care and that money is better used to hire a caretaker and to help SIL. You have no idea what is is like to care for someone in that situation. They should get hospice in if they can get him health insurance, which generally covers it - medicare pays hospice but they are not full time providers in less you stay in the hospice home. You and your husband get no opinion as you are not willing to step up and care for him. You are greedy.

Did you not read anything?

OP and her husband want to provide the best care possible.

SIL wants to save money so there is maximum inheritance left.

We don't actually know that. OP's husband accused them of that, but it's fairly obvious that the husband and the BIL/SIL don't agree on how to care for their father and that it's getting ugly. The cost of the plane ticket is something to focus on. In fact, the father isn't going to be that much more comfortable in domestic first class, which is not all that luxurious, and which might not even be available on both legs of the flight (the fact that there is no direct flight suggests that the destination is a smaller airport, which often means smaller planes). The real issue is that the father shouldn't be flying across the country at all in his condition, even if it's technically medically possible.

[Anonymous]

He has 80k in the bank.

If none of you are in a financial position to just buy a better ticket whenever you feel like it, then the ticket is too expensive.

That $80k plus some won't last...

or maybe it will if the flight kills him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Coach, he is going to need 24/7 care and that money is better used to hire a caretaker and to help SIL. You have no idea what is is like to care for someone in that situation. They should get hospice in if they can get him health insurance, which generally covers it - medicare pays hospice but they are not full time providers in less you stay in the hospice home. You and your husband get no opinion as you are not willing to step up and care for him. You are greedy.

OP here. I agree with many of you that this is nuts. But as I said, it’s a long story. I have little say here, though my preference was to keep FIL with us. My SIL is very difficult and is adamant that FIL go to their home. Regarding being called cheap, DH and I are ready and willing to pay FIL’s expenses after he exhausts his savings, which is a strong likelihood, and we have already willingly incurred lots of expenses for his care. This is not about us being cheap, though it may well be about SIL being cheap. DH and SIL are now not speaking. My plan was to look into the cost to upgrade and try to get BIL to agree to let me cover the difference for both their tickets (if SIL catches wind if it she will be furious, taking it as a criticism). SIL has vehemently refused to allow hospice to come in yet but she will have to allow them at some point. I’ve seen family members die protracted, ugly deaths from cancer; SIL and BIL have not, and I don’t think they have a real grasp of what they’re in for.

The whole situation is really sad and feels really bad.

You don't have to hand him over and this really makes no sense. You say no. Have the doctor say he cannot make the trip. No, you aren't required to have hospice. First vs. coach is not a big deal. It sounds like its a terrible idea to move him. We moved my MIL cross country and it was very difficult with the dementia. Luckily she was still able to manage then but if we waited any longer it would not have worked.

As is common with DCUM, the initial post has little to do with the real problem.

I am sorry that the bolded experience is coming your way without the care of hospice.

[Anonymous]

This flight sounds like a terrible idea.

This is NOT okay just because "his doctor cleared him" to fly.

Is he set up with hospice? Can you talk to the hospice workers?