Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class

[Anonymous]

DH's 78-year-old father is dying of cancer and it's fairly advanced. He has lost about 60 lbs in the last 8 months, is having continence issues, has dementia, and is fairly weak although can still walk slowly for short stretches. FIL was originally going to finish his life out here and die in our home, but for complicated reasons, FIL is being moved from our place to my sister-in-law's place across the country on the west coast. BIL is going to be accompanying him on the journey from here to there, and BIL and SIL were in charge of buying his plane ticket. The journey involves one connection, since there are no direct flights from the DC area to the town where they live. FIL is from another country and does not have health insurance here, but he has a relatively large sum of cash money in the bank (upwards of $80,000) and is going to be leaving it 50-50 to DH and to SIL. Any expenses for his care incurred by either DH or SIL can be reimbursed from his estate when he dies.

When BIL and SIL bought the plane tickets for FIL and BIL, they bought coach seats. DH is furious that they "cheaped out" and did not try to maximize FIL's comfort on what is going to be the last plane trip of his life, and accuses SIL of wanting to preserve her inheritance instead of seeing FIL's money as a way to ensure FIL gets good care and comfort in his last weeks or couple of months. (Any time in the past 10 years that FIL has flown either to the US or across the US, DH has always been the one to buy his ticket and has always flown him business class or first class.) BIL and SIL will say that first class is a "waste of money" and coach will be fine, and they've arranged wheelchair service.

So who's right? In this situation, if you were buying the plane tickets, what would you do: first class or coach?

[Anonymous]

It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.

First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.

[Anonymous]

First.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.

First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.

OP here. I agree, but it's a long and complicated story. Short version is that his very excellent doctor has cleared him for travel and SIL insists that he die in her home.

[Anonymous]

Cancer. No health insurance. Impending death. Only $80k to pay for everything sounds like coach to me. OTOH, dementia and incontinence sounds like he would not be flying across country. How in the world do you intend to care for him on a plane.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.

First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.

This. Is he even aware enough of his surroundings to care? What do his attending physicians say?

[Anonymous]

How does it make a difference? I’m not at all certain the advantages of first class would make a difference. It’s also probably not a big enough $$ difference to matter to any eventual estate. I agree that the decision to move him at all seems foolhardy. Why didn’t your DH make the arrangements? Why can’t he just upgrade or get another flight for FIL now if it’s important to him? Try not to argue over stupid stuff at this time— try to pull together and be a support to one another instead.

[Anonymous]

Medical flight

[Anonymous]

Who has the (medical) power of attorney???

Where on the west coast do you need to fly that there is NOT as single flight from DC that is direct? Can you drive up to BWI instead? A direct flight is just soooo much easier even if it means you have to drive an hour up to, say, BWI.

[Anonymous]

Having watched my FIL die under similar circumstances, I'm frankly appalled that you plan to fly him across the country in his condition. It's cruel.

He could die on the plane -- have you considered that?

If you have enough backbone to argue with SIL whether he should fly first class vs. coach, you can surely say "No. This is insane. Buy yourselves coach tickets and come here and be with him till the end. But he's not getting on a plane."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.

First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.

OP here. I agree, but it's a long and complicated story. Short version is that his very excellent doctor has cleared him for travel and SIL insists that he die in her home.

If having him there is important to her, then she should buy the ticket. If having him fly class is important to your DH, then you should pay for the upgrade. His $80K should be spent on things that are important to him. What would make him comfortable in his last days?

[Anonymous]

There is no good/right/comfortable here, OP. The best thing you can do is keep yourself OUT of drama, don't create any drama, and be as supportive as you can. Don't pick a time like this to insert yourself, squabble or "be right."

[Anonymous]

First class with one helper flying first too, or no travel at all.

When my husband was working as a doctor accompanying seriously ill patients who were being repatriated, they always flew first class for the extra room and quiet.

[Anonymous]

Do you guys have miles to upgrade the tickets?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It seems ridiculous to me that he is being flown somewhere at all in his condition.

First class vs coach feels like the meaningless distinction here.

OP here. I agree, but it's a long and complicated story. Short version is that his very excellent doctor has cleared him for travel and SIL insists that he die in her home.

If having him there is important to her, then she should buy the ticket. If having him fly class is important to your DH, then you should pay for the upgrade. His $80K should be spent on things that are important to him. What would make him comfortable in his last days?

Not having to fly across the country.