After meeting future niece

[Anonymous]

OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

I'm not allowed to say those things. My sister would absolutely flip.

[Anonymous]

I would mentally prepare myself to deal with a little brat for a few hours instead of missing family gatherings. I would also tell the kid “that’s not nice” or something like that whenever she is rude. Keep your kid away from your niece as much as you can. You don’t want your kid to learn that it is ok to be rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

I'm not allowed to say those things. My sister would absolutely flip.

Well then you have a totally different problem. Your post should be - I'm not allowed to speak my mind around my sister or better yet My sister can discipline my child but I don't have the balls to do the same to hers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

I'm not allowed to say those things. My sister would absolutely flip.

Let your sister flip out. Is she mentally ill?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

I'm not allowed to say those things. My sister would absolutely flip.

Let your sister flip out. Is she mentally ill?

She's worried that the little girl will tell her mom that my sister is mean to her. I posted a new thread to make it easier to follow as PP's have asked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can’t believe you are a parent if you don’t understand what’s developmentally normal for a 3 year old.

Seriously. Be the adult here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OKay, OP, I tried to follow what you're saying, and I think I understand so I'm going to try and give you some constructive advice. Here goes.

Little Larla "Talk to the hand, and don't talk to me!!"
You: "Larla, that's rude and disrespectful and I won't be talked to that way."


Little Larla "Can I have a drink?"
You: "Sure" walk to the kitchen "What would you like, I have milk, juice, wat..."
Larla: "DON'T TALK TO ME"
You: "Larla, that is rude and disrespectful. I'm not getting you anything to drink until you're able to ask me nicely."


Larla: "Suzie (your dd) get off the couch!!!"
You: "Larla, that's not nice. Suzie can sit on the couch if she wants to." "Suzie, get back on the couch and sit here if you want. I'll be next to you."



I don't understand why this is so hard for you to understand or do????? What am I missing?

I'm not allowed to say those things. My sister would absolutely flip.

Then avoid your sister. Problem solved!

Do you realize how ridiculous you sound? "I'm not allowed to say those things"? Yes, you can say them. As long as you are not yelling and are remaining calm, those are perfectly acceptable things to say to a child in your home/in your presence to defend your child.

If your sister doesn't like it, she can leave.

If you're on your sister's turf and she doesn't like it, you can leave.

You need to grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, stop. Ask Jeff to delete this thread, honestly. No one gets it/is on your side here. I think it would be nicest if you just left your family alone for awhile.

Why my whole family? That's what I'm struggling to understand?

I'll chime in and try to be kind. OP, I understand that your original post was made out of anger and frustration and being tired. That said, the words that you chose to use to describe a three year old girl - exhausted or not - are really despicable. It really showed your character when you so viscerally dislike a small child. It said nothing about your issues with discipline and everything was directed toward the little girl. You directed none of that same displaced anger toward perhaps the people that could provide discipline.

You stated that this was one of, if not the actual first meeting. So you've based all your impressions on one encounter. She's three. I can't tell you how embarrassed my child has made me when he was three. Mortified on a few occasions. And most of those who were on the receiving end were kind and basically said "oh I remember those times" and give me some support and understanding and some closer would offer constructive advice.

Your post shows none of that and you threatened to engage with your own sister during holidays because of this. If she were her biological child - would you feel differently? Would you treat your niece differently?

You sound hateful and more than that, your post screams that you aren't supportive of this union. And that's why people say family - because they assume that the gatherings would be with expanded family on these occasions.

Lastly, given you saying that you teach preschool - it's even more horrendous as one would assume you've seen the great swath of behaviors that come at that age and would be more sympathetic - to include the anxieties and complexities that come with such a huge transition for the little girl at such an early age. One would think that if you wanted to be kind and a great future Aunt that you would do things that will over time improve your relationship with her and also perhaps provide some loving guidance and words to your own sister.

+1, amen, and bravo to the poster who put this into such excellent words and logical points.

[Anonymous]

OP, the above posts are great and on target but I'm going to word- and tone-smith a little bit. Your little niece sounds like she is under a lot of stress and feeling insecure. I think you will make a lot more headway to changing her behavior if you use your "soft" voice and say something like "Oh, Larla, you want Larlette to move? Here's how you ask her. Can you say "Larlette, would you please move?". Then keep smiling and using your soft voice. Reward Larla with a special smile and hug for asking nicely and compliment her. Don't use superlatives like "Awesome"; instead use specific words that outline the behavior that you liked "Oh, Larla, you did such a good job asking. I like how you said please and how you used a nice, indoor voice!"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t call a 3 year old hateful. You are taking this way too personally. You’re crazy if you’d not attend Christmas plans over this.

Her words...sound pretty hateful to me. And to anyone reading the statement.

[Anonymous]

Honestly I think girls that age mimic their mother closely. They just haven't learned to be deceptive about it.

So if she has behavior problems and ill mannerisms - look to the person continuously caring for her for some of the same bad behavior, even if mom only does it when she thinks no one is around.

Toddlers are perceptive little things.

[Anonymous]

You and your entire family just seem a little trashy and not very smart

[Anonymous]

Ok she is THREE years old. Look for a positive, give her some time to warm to you.