How often does your spouse curse at you and call you names?

[Anonymous]

DCUM consensus: not normal.

[Anonymous]

Rarely until the last 1.5-2 then daily. It took me a while to realize that this isn’t “work stress” or “not a morning person”- it’s an active and engaged abuser in my own home with our three kids. Divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Under my breath and I'm sure his - plenty of times! Openly - never! It's rare that I've ever heard him curse but I don't play golf with him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH has literally called me a lazy f, manipulative f, fake f, motherf’er, go f yourself, f’ing hypocrite, lying selfish f, and some variety of the above over text over the last few hours. Yes, I got angry and frustrated and yelled at him first. No, I didn’t call him names or curse him out like that. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just move out? What about my things? I can’t afford to just get an apartment.

Is there anyone you can stay with temporarily? Do you have a credit card in your own name you could put a couple of months' expenses on? How long would it take you to save enough to get an efficiency apartment for yourself?

How many "things" are you needing to move?

Get it in your head that you are leaving and then figure out the how.

[Anonymous]

Never, married almost 10 years. That is very disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I am surprised too. I am also insulted on a daily basis, criticized, and cursed at. We have been married 20 years. I am frequently reminded that I am a failure as a mother and that everyone thinks I have issues. DH says I am the one who has the problem and he doesn’t know why he stays with me since he could easily replace me with someone much better. If I try to develop any activities outside of work or home I am accused of neglecting the kids and house. I have absolutely no feelings for him anymore. I can’t remember the last time he said something nice about me. And he wonders why I am not physically attracted to him anymore.

You need to start seeing a therapist to help you realize that you have worth. Don't tell your husband. Do it for you. He is abusive and has brought you down to the point that you feel like you don't deserve better. You do. Work on getting your confidence back and once ready, leave him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. DH has literally called me a lazy f, manipulative f, fake f, motherf’er, go f yourself, f’ing hypocrite, lying selfish f, and some variety of the above over text over the last few hours. Yes, I got angry and frustrated and yelled at him first. No, I didn’t call him names or curse him out like that. I’m not sure what to do. Do I just move out? What about my things? I can’t afford to just get an apartment.

If you wait for the perfect circumstances to get out you never will. Do you have any friends or family you can rely on now? Anyone who can help you with a home or other help temporarily? If not, look into services available in your city. Someone can help; you don't need to figure this out on your own.

[Anonymous]

Never. Been together 11 years.

[Anonymous]

My husband went through a period of that - calling me names, yelling, etc. He moved out, I got a lawyer, and we started the process. Gave it one last go while we separated, therapy, etc. and we are together happily now. The difference that time was we both had to want to improve, and we did. No names in years.

[Anonymous]

OMG.
NEVER.
That is not normal behavior, it is intolerable.

[Anonymous]

Yes, often. Nearly daily. He calls me many things, including a bitch in front of our child, and throws things, albeit not at me.

[Anonymous]

Together 8.5 years. Never. Literally never.

[Anonymous]

Never, together 9 years, married 5.

[Anonymous]

He did often.

We are divorced now for verbal and then ultimately it crossed over to physical abuse of me and our children.

Called my son a little shit for spilling juice when he was one, called me stupid...etc.

Never acceptable.

[Anonymous]

Never. Together for 31 years.