Girlfriend Wants A Specific Ring..

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you want the ring to be a surprise, but I think you should go casually looking at rings together. You’ll want to find out her size and it will be nice for her to see various rings on her finger. There was a style I loved in pictures and really really didn’t like it on my finger. I also have small fingers, which I never really realized, so a smaller stone looked more proportional. I tried on a wide range of styles in two different stores (they were near each other, this only took maybe an hour or two) and told him what I liked and didn’t like. He picked out he ring that he liked, that he thought I would like, and that fit his budget. I have no idea how much it cost!

[Anonymous]

You and your girlfriend should go meet Mike in person to look at stones.

http://galediamonds.com

I thought I wanted Asscher and ended up with a Emerald solitaire with pave band that I adore. He is truly an artist and we got a truly high quality stone for a good price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don’t start off your marriage by disappointing her. There will be plenty of things to save money on. This shouldn’t be one of them.

YES

You’re nuts. Spend the money on a house, a trip, or the kids. Not a piece of jewelry.

[Anonymous]

Jeez. So much agonizing over a ring. Do you and she really feel like this defines your relationship? That this is some kind of proof of your relationship? Why do you feel like you have to “keep up” with your peers?

You’re buying this ring because you want to spend your lives together. The rest is noise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:$30-40k is a crazy amount. Don’t ever spend more than $5-10k.

Even my poor friends have rings that are more than 5k.

And that might be why your poor friends remain poor. My DH and I were just out of grad school when we got engaged. He gave me a gorgeous vintage ring that cost $1000. I love it and I’ll never “upgrade”, even though we now could buy something much more expensive.

The size of the ring doesn’t equal the size of the love between a couple. My parents never bothered with rings at all. Married 41 years. Meanwhile I know several couples who flaunted their 3 karat rings who are now divorcing.

There are also people that divorce that flaunted never needing rings or that had really inexpensive rings. My parents are one of those couples. The marriage and divorce have more to do about how compatible the couple is and how they communicate than the size of the wedding ring - on either side.

To the OP, the answer is to find the best ring for the amount you are comfortable spending - 20K. The folks I know that want the nicer stone/cut but not the budget to buy it at the local jewelry store find out thru word or mouth/research where to get the better deals. Sometimes it’s online. Sometimes there is a part of town where people buy loose diamonds and then the setting could be elsewhere. Your girlfriend wasn’t making a specific demand for the more expensive cut or really any ring, but has expressed more than one option for what she likes.

As to the cost of rings, look, people drop 65-70K on a car that loses value when you drive it off the lot and that you may not have in 10 years. I can’t imagine ever spending that money on a car and thankfully DH isn’t a car person. That said, we spend our money on private school for our kids when we live in a great public school area so I’ve spent the cost of a Maserati and my kids haven’t hit high school yet. This is to say it’s a personally choice in how you spend your money and people can live happy fulfilled lives spending very differently on material things. You don’t need to have the same spending priorities as an anonymous person on DCUM, you only need to be on the same page as your partner so you are saving and can afford the things you both agree are top priorities. The OP is looking at spending 20K and he has a girlfriend adding 130K to their income per year, with some savings, and paid off school debt - on top of his 250K living in an area with a lower cost of living than DC , I would say life is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Sounds like his future fiancée feels differently, and that’s fine. She hasn’t demanded a 30k ring, only expressed the cut she prefers, and OP is making assumptions. OP I think you should talk to her about it directly.

+1. She may very well not realize how much a large diamond in that cut costs. And enough with the “my ring was only x” “any decent woman wouldn’t care” bs. I agree they shouldn’t spend more then they can afford, but other than that it’s their call. I’m sure you’ll all decide I’m a selfish materialistic hag, but I have a ring that was $30k. My DH could afford it, and we discussed it and I said I’d like (didn’t demand) a really nice ring because I knew I’d wear it every day (I do), and it was the one piece of nice jewelry I’d like. Everything else in life we are frugal despite having enough $, except our kids educations. I wear inexpensive clothes, we have a practical car, I buy most things on sale, etc. but I have a really nice ring. Sue me.

Just in the engagement discussion stage, but this is me! I wear a ring on each hand daily anyways and would like my ring to be really nice, and probably pretty expensive (thinking more 20-25k). I actually don't even want a diamond (prefer sapphires, maybe with diamond accents) but this is my one wedding "thing" that I would like to spend some money on. I would prefer a courthouse wedding or elopement with a fun vacation. I don't care about having an expensive dress, flowers, etc. I have money to contribute that I would normally spend on a fancy wedding that I would be willing to part with to get the ring I want, or I would also be willing to buy my guy the 12k watch he wants. I don't think I'm a diva because this particular aspect of wedding madness is something I want that others might find unimportant.

[Anonymous]

OP, is she hot?

If yes, pony up.

If not, then listen to the other posters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My girlfriend and I have been discussing getting engaged. Her and her best friend ( recently enagaged) were looking at ring magazines. My girlfriend told her about a specific type of ring she hopes to have. It’s her favorite. To find a good quality diamond in that cut is very expensive. I make a good salary, but spending $30-40l on a ring is extravagant. I would rather use that as a down payment for a house. How do I keep her in mind, but go for a cheaper option? Will she be disappointed if it’s not the ring she likes?

She’s showing some colors here, dude. Take careful note

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, is she hot?

If yes, pony up.

If not, then listen to the other posters.

Finally, someone thinking clearly spoke up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Sounds like his future fiancée feels differently, and that’s fine. She hasn’t demanded a 30k ring, only expressed the cut she prefers, and OP is making assumptions. OP I think you should talk to her about it directly.

“That’s fine”? You pay for the damn ring then. I sure wouldn’t.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be livid if my boyfriend spent that much on a ring. Under 1,000, no diamond. I’d rather we invested in our life than a hand decoration.

Sounds like his future fiancée feels differently, and that’s fine. She hasn’t demanded a 30k ring, only expressed the cut she prefers, and OP is making assumptions. OP I think you should talk to her about it directly.

“That’s fine”? You pay for the damn ring then. I sure wouldn’t.

Yes, it's fine if she's not in the "no more than 1k on my ring" camp and has an actual preference on the style of ring and cut of diamond. Why wouldn't it be? It's something she's going to wear every day. And maybe she IS willing to put money toward the ring she prefers. OP doesn't know because he has yet to discuss it with her. It is so tiresome to hear from all the people on here who think it's some sort of character flaw to want a nice piece of jewelry. It's not a harbinger of financial disaster!

[Anonymous]

You're nuts. I make $250K and spent $12K on my wife's ring, and it's a very nice ring. $10K-$20K is not uncommon at your income, but $30K is pretty over the top unless you have a LOT in savings so you don't have to think about 20% downpayments on a home etc. Annual insurance (which you must have) on the ring will probably be $250+ FWIW.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, and my 17yo wants a BMW 3 series, but she's getting a honda accord

[Anonymous]

You can afford it. Get her the ring. She is going to wear it every dang day and it will make her happy. Screw the haters on here saying otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can afford it. Get her the ring. She is going to wear it every dang day and it will make her happy. Screw the haters on here saying otherwise.

didn't he say he makes $250K? no, it is not wise for him to spend more than 10% of his gross salary on a ring.