I feel like I'm the only person whose parents didn't pay for my education

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the guy who supports the OP's side.

If you are a parent who can afford to pay for your child's education but chooses not to, you are a shitty person and a bad parent.

We can afford to pay for any college in full. I have one in college, at a private school - it is paid for by a combination academic scholarship, college fund, student loans and cash. She is also working 2 jobs. She pays for her books and living expenses with her jobs. It is a bit of a tough road from time to time but I do think it important that she understands the importance of her education and feels "ownership" in providing for it as an adult - because that's what she is, an adult. We anticipate the debt she graduates with to be less than $15K. I agree that contributing nothing to a kid's education when you can more than afford to do so is unfortunate, but I think there is *immense* value in making sure the kids have skin in the game.

my parents paid for college & grad school (both state schools) for both me and my sibling. We only had summer jobs and didn't work during the year. i can tell you that we are both immensely grateful for what our parents did for us. We worked hard in school, and continue to have strong work ethics to this day. I think there is a myth that kids will be entitled, will not work hard, or whatever if parents pay 100%, but that was not the case for us at all. I definitely felt "ownership" of my education and did not want to waste my parents' money or my time.

100% disagree with this and agree with PP above. Kids have very little ownership in anything these days and work ethic is extremely low. Kids who get everything handed to them even as adults and still work hard are a minority, not a majority. The amount of kids dropping classes, withdrawling, failing out full semesters, or even graduating but not really striving for jobs is very high. My mother is a professor at GW and within the last 10 years, she has had more kids do these things than the previous 3 decades combined. The kids that come in after not showing up most of the semester at the 11th hour begging to pass “or their parents will kill them” is sky high. This isn’t community college. This is a prestigious and very expensive college.

This thought that all kids need to go into college and parents paying for their adult children’s education thru PhD and all of their living expenses is insane. Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. The amount of co-signers on loans and credit cards? Ugh! If you feel the need to pay for their education, at least make them work and pay for their rental and living expenses.

[Anonymous]

"Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. "

Oh yes it does.

[Anonymous]

I will never pay for my kid’s college 100%. They might not even go. If they choose, I will pay the amount in tuition as in state and they can pay any difference and living expenses.

College is a privilege, not a right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Just because you can, doesn’t mean you should. "

Oh yes it does.

Oh yes, it does? Not sure what post you are responding to, but you can’t be serious?

What about their apartment expenses, a new house, a new work wardrobe, their wedding, a car to commute in?

If you can afford it, you just keep giving them anything they need?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will never pay for my kid’s college 100%. They might not even go. If they choose, I will pay the amount in tuition as in state and they can pay any difference and living expenses.

College is a privilege, not a right.

In our house, it is a right for any kid who prepares himself to be admitted and succeed there.

[Anonymous]

OP, this is not the norm anywhere outside of this area. It is an area of either extreme wealth or people who want to appear that they have extreme wealth. Most parents do not pay 100% of their child’s college education and some don’t pay any.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one?! I feel like it. I come across sooo many people who were lucky enough for their parents to pay for college. My loans have increased $12,000 in interest since the 8 years I’ve been out of college. It just sucks....

Nope - my father refused to pay for my education because I was "just a girl" and "would get married anyway" so it "would be a waste." So I got scholarships and didn't go to the best schools, graduated in the midst of a recession, eventually got a law degree and paid off loans both undergrad and law school by year three of being a lawyer and haven't stopped working since I got out of law school. [And I did get married, but it wasn't a waste].

[Anonymous]

I will pay for most of my girls tuition if they are focusing on something and achieving exceptional grades. I will not pay for an undecided fooling around major at some private SLAC however. For an undergrad there is no need not to attend a school that gives merit or scholarship, or at least in state costs. Any withdrawal or below B, they will have to reimburse me for if they want to continue with my assistance. If it takes them more than 4yrs, they are on their own too.

[Anonymous]

I paid all my own education costs, community college through law school. A lot of my classes were at night, while I worked fulltime. I don’t want my kids to have that kind of stress. I have worked 40-60 hours a week for decades now. There’s more to life than work. Especially when you are young and in college. They, like me, should have decades to work. I want them to do well in college, and have fun in college, and will happily pay for it. Part of the reason I have worked so hard ...

[Anonymous]

Interesting - as someone whose parents DID pay for college, I've always felt the opposite, like I was one of the few people I knew who didn't have student loan debt. I always feel so...not guilty per say, but I feel bad commiserating about high cost of living with someone when they have this massive bill every month that I've never had. Especially when we bought a place and talk to friends who feel crushed under the weigh of loan payments and feel like they'll never be able to save enough to afford to buy. I am very grateful that my parents had the means and prioritized my education.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not the only person. All foreign students I know paid their own tuition while working full time. Parents may have helped with a one-way ticket here.

I was a foreign student in the late 90s. Parents paid for undergrad and grad. All my foreign student friends didn't pay their own way nor work. The 20 hrs a week allowable wouldn't have made a dent anyhow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the guy who supports the OP's side.

If you are a parent who can afford to pay for your child's education but chooses not to, you are a shitty person and a bad parent.

Completely agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'll be the guy who supports the OP's side.

If you are a parent who can afford to pay for your child's education but chooses not to, you are a shitty person and a bad parent.

We can afford to pay for any college in full. I have one in college, at a private school - it is paid for by a combination academic scholarship, college fund, student loans and cash. She is also working 2 jobs. She pays for her books and living expenses with her jobs. It is a bit of a tough road from time to time but I do think it important that she understands the importance of her education and feels "ownership" in providing for it as an adult - because that's what she is, an adult. We anticipate the debt she graduates with to be less than $15K. I agree that contributing nothing to a kid's education when you can more than afford to do so is unfortunate, but I think there is *immense* value in making sure the kids have skin in the game.

If the only way you can make your kid understand the important of education and feel like she has skin in the game is to make her pay for college, you have failed as a parent.

[Anonymous]

I am astounding that people believe they must pay for an optional education. Only on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one?! I feel like it. I come across sooo many people who were lucky enough for their parents to pay for college. My loans have increased $12,000 in interest since the 8 years I’ve been out of college. It just sucks....

I had a full ride in ugrad but my parents paid the extras - study abroad, allowance to eat/shop/do stuff, off campus rental.

I paid for grad school out of my bonus savings and loans. Zero parent help.

My advice would be, as a 22-26 yo to work hard at career and pay off highest interest/all debts. Do not do that gov't chump jump forgiveness program, unless you want that track the rest of your life. Only you know your personality or fit with job types, careers, etc.