Call Me By Your Name

[Anonymous]

I am female and casually dated/hooked up with a 23 year old the summer I turned 17... Do/did I feel violated or ruined or even coerced? Not at all, he was gorgeous and I was thrilled he paid attention to me (I actually just Facebook stalked him and he has not aged well.) At 17, I had a part time job and took road trips without my parents. As a parent, would I be thrilled if my 17 year old had a relationship with a 24 year old? Nope. Would I call the police/think the 24 year old was a pedophile? Also nope.

[Anonymous]

I thought the movie was gorgeous, romantic, and sexy. I think Andre Aciman (the author) is awesome, but I had a hard time getting through the book, it was too slow.

I think first loves aren't really ever wholesome, especially the kind of love in which the person is desired by an older, more experienced person, but the depth of feeling is unprecedented. (I know this from real life.)

I have a son and a daughter, still in elementary school, so it's hard to say, but I didn't feel very maternal toward the 17-year-old character, he came across as a person who deserved to be exploring his sexuality, the movie made it clear that he was ready for the exploration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought the movie was gorgeous, romantic, and sexy. I think Andre Aciman (the author) is awesome, but I had a hard time getting through the book, it was too slow.

I think first loves aren't really ever wholesome, especially the kind of love in which the person is desired by an older, more experienced person, but the depth of feeling is unprecedented. (I know this from real life.)

I have a son and a daughter, still in elementary school, so it's hard to say, but I didn't feel very maternal toward the 17-year-old character, he came across as a person who deserved to be exploring his sexuality, the movie made it clear that he was ready for the exploration.

Same. I think part of it was that 17 year-old Elio was so forward: he aggressively pursued the older Oliver and he rebuffed Elio multiple times. Oliver, despite being older, was deeply in the closet and obviously had up more walls around him due to his abusive father. Oliver would not express his homosexuality unless he was clearly in a "safe space" where no one else would find out.

In many ways, Elio was much more mature and healthy than Oliver. We know this is true when Elio gets the phone call from Oliver at Christmas, where Oliver reveals he is marrying a woman/beard. To me, that was the most poignant moment of the film: despite being only 6-7 years apart, their respective attitudes toward their homosexuality was almost generational. Oliver grew up in a time and place where the closet was fundamental to gay identity and safety, whereas Elio was maturing at a time when gays were coming out of the closet and acceptance was burgeoning (especially in liberal educated households).

The film has many of these layers. Like I said, it one of a few masterpieces to be made in the recent decade or so.