Help this minority achieve that WASPY clean polished look

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hello! I am Pakistani-American, early 30s. My parents are usually horrified by how little make up I wear to their dinner parties, and so are their friends. My mother's friends constantly tell me how much more attractive I would be with more make-up. I have searched long and hard for what works for me and have taken a ton of criticism for it from relatives/family friends as well. The look OP is going for doesn't merge well with Pakistani beauty ideals - it sucks but I live here and not in Islamabad so I don't care what my parents' friends' kids think (cause there are still PLENTY of Pakistani-American women who are cake faced -- i.e. my coworker wear an evening smoky eye to work)

What works for me:
Talbots for work, J Crew factory for play
good skin - i am religious about my skin care and even though it's not where I want it to be, i don't bother with more than a moisturizer (with spf). i exfoliate 2x a week, use an AHA peel 1x, and eat very healthy
I do bleach my peach fuzz (it's jet black :/), but this is more so that i can avoid foundation. my face is visibly hairy when i do not do this.
neatly brushed and filled brows (pick a natural tone, don't go all black like our friends - for most of us our brows are a true dark brown)
very very very thin eyeliner on top lid only or a quick swipe of dark brown eyeshadow - no need for drama here, but just enough for definition. buy the smallest liner you can to achieve this. most days I skip this.
curled lashes with 2 coats of mascara but only on the top lashes
i line my lips with a brown lip liner (this is key!!!) and then use whatever work appropriate shade I want. I stick to shades that are closer to my lip color (browns/rusts/maroons).
hair i keep shoulder length and straightened. goody spin pins are a godsend in the summer when my hair is unmanageable (then it's in a bun every day). i agree with PP who said to avoid orange highlights. I intend on keeping my grays for awhile, but when I do color I will go a brown instead of a jet black.
nails are trimmed and filed, always. i dont like manicures.
jewelry i keep to a minimum. watch, earrings, pendant necklace, wedding ring/band. maybe a bracelet. maybe.
shoes are either dressy flats or pumps - I buy comfortable brands and can easily walk half a mile in them if need be.



I feel beautiful with my routine and have been told I look polished and put together. I think at the end of the day, it is also about what feels the most natural to you. I don't like dealing with my unstraightened hair - it's wavy and difficult to make it look orderly - and the whole day I am touching it to fix it. People notice I'm annoyed with it.

Good luck!

J.Crew factory? The labels mentioned in this entire thread are horrifying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Skin tone has nothing to do with it.

? Are you aware of the number of skin whitening cremes on the shelves of 7-11, Mini Mart, pharmacies, beauty parlors all over Asia (by far the the most populous part of the world)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would anyone want to look like a wasp dinosaur these days? Smh.

well, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

[Anonymous]

Gotta love the people talking about “ew, the labels mentioned in this thread” as if everyone can afford to spend $200 on a sweater. Please get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What you are looking for is actually 'French Girl" style- google it.

I'm pakistani-born here, totally get what you are going for OP. I dress like that b/c i went to prep school and that is all i know and feel comfortable in. The pakistani fashion look right now is copied from middle eastern women- its not really authentic, my grandma only wore surma and lipstick, my mom is a natural beauty who never wore more than lipstick and eyeshadow/mascara. The super heavy middle eastern style make up plus the brand name closes are very common now for Pakistanis- very dubai return. The french manner is much more akin to classic Pakistani style and looks good on us with our darker complexions and hair.

You need to take care of your skin and practice a good "no make up" make up look with neutrals. Get a nice haircut and make sure your highlights aren't orange- if you want some go for a dark, shiny chocolate brown. Invest in good hair and skin care and a toned body. The clean look comes from being healthy and not 'sloppy' with extra jiggles. Oh and get a compression bra and boy shorts to eliminate panty lines.

clothes- I'd tell you to go to J. crew but be careful, their quality has fallen a lot, talbots/J. Jill have more generously cut clothing that will look good on our curvier shapes. My sister is a more bohemian dresser than me and she loves J.jill and Peruvian connection. Honestly- i think like 60% of my wardrobe is Everlane. I like LL Bean b/c its so cozy and comfy but the LL bean only looks good on 'skinny' days. I like to dress modestly- not be very sexy and so this works for me as my natural style but that isn't for everyone. I think what you are drawn to is that its more natural, so you should just do that. I get cashmere sweaters and jeans from Uniqlo. I actually love my heritage but it doesn't all have to be shiny- I wear plain leather, with no embellishment pakistani joothas (men's kussa) with my jeans and a white button up all the time. Add a nice watch and one other piece of jewelry plus a scarf and you have a perfect outfit. Cup of Jo's style section has some good inspiration if you are sick of the 'Dubai Return' look.

If you are looking to splurge- Cuyana has really nice classic stuff. Thats my husband's go to for gifts for me. Want les Essentials and Clare V have nice purses/shoes that are good quality without being over the top. Madewell has reasonable priced nice stuff as well. if you want to add some rock and roll edge - get some docs/converse and pair with cropped khakis/jeans and an oxford shirt. If its cold- throw on a peacoat/parka/leather jacket/ cashmere or merino sweater. really- look up french girl style and you have the perfect clean natural style you are looking for that is also reflective of your own personality.

I hope this was helpful!

Can we be friends?

Sincerely,

Pakistani Woman in Bethesda

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love the people talking about “ew, the labels mentioned in this thread” as if everyone can afford to spend $200 on a sweater. Please get a life.

Lol, I am the poster who wears J Crew factory and knew I would hear something for it. Sometimes...I'll even buy things...on sale...from The Gap.
I wish I could buy nicer things, but not all of us have no student loans, generational wealth, and super high paying jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love the people talking about “ew, the labels mentioned in this thread” as if everyone can afford to spend $200 on a sweater. Please get a life.

Lol, I am the poster who wears J Crew factory and knew I would hear something for it. Sometimes...I'll even buy things...on sale...from The Gap.
I wish I could buy nicer things, but not all of us have no student loans, generational wealth, and super high paying jobs.

I buy J crew factory, gap and (gasp) nordstrom rack.
I have no student loans, have generational wealth and a high HHI.
People here are bonkers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Gotta love the people talking about “ew, the labels mentioned in this thread” as if everyone can afford to spend $200 on a sweater. Please get a life.

A lot of the "ew" is directed at expensive but frumpy brands. The Peruvian Connection sells 400 dollar ugly alpaca sweaters.

[Anonymous]

These brands are probably too "low rent" for the wealthy women on this thread, but if you want to look like my sister, who lives in Connecticut and is married to a New England private school blueblood, and is a total WASP, here's what you do.

Shop at J. Crew, J. Crew Factory, Talbots, Vineyard Vines, Lily Pulitzer, Nordstrom, and Boden. Get a classic shape Kate Spade purse and a Louis Vuitton tote. For casual wear and weekends, use a classic LL Bean boat tote.

For shoes, wear classic black and nude pumps and flats and knee high boots in tan and black. Try Rothys and Tory Burch flats. Tretorn sneakers for casual weekends. Sorel and LL Bean classic boots for bad weather. Get a pair of classic loafers.

For working out, wear Lulu or Lucy for workout clothes.

For outerwear, wear a Patagonia fleece for casual. Buy a quilted black vest for layering, and a long sleeve quilted black coat for casual wear--this is a classic new England look. Try a classic trench for spring, and wool pea coat for winter.

Wear pearl studs. All the time. It elevates any look. Get a Cape Cod bracelet and we that with a nice, gold watch and some Yurman bangles. Wear delicate necklaces (gold or silver) or wear the statement ones from J. Crew with solid colors.

Wear classic blue and white stripes and polka dots. Pair solid colored cardigans and wool/cashmere sweaters with skinny or straight leg pants or jeans, pencil skirts. Shift dresses. Stick to clean lines and avoid busy patterns or things that are too revealing or clingy. Classic necklines--boat, crew, v-neck, etc.

For fashion inspiration, look at photos of classic Audrey Hepburn, Kate Middleton, and Reese Witherspoon. On Instagram, follow Kelly in the City. She's obnoxious but she dresses pretty cute.

Key to this look is being fit and healthy and not overdoing your makeup.

And bonus points if you can nail this look while joining a country club or swilling a G&T in your weekend place at the Cape.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

Wasp style is inseparable from its underlying culture of Protestantism. No show, no ritual, utility, humility, an internalized ethical code. Makeup is acceptable if it has a function (i.e. to enhance or conceal, and it needs to be either classic or natural-looking), but not as decoration. Always choose silver over gold. Hair is either based on a simple man’s haircut or long. Hairstyles are always natural, as are manicures and pedicures (a French manicure is OK, but that’s as far as it will go). Clothes are, with certain exceptions, traditional, made of natural fibers (wool pants in winter, which are hard to find, btw), cotton, linen, silk, cashmere. Scarves are loved. Traditional, utilitarian femininity is fine (i.e. an embroidered peasant blouse for the bohemian branch of the family), a simple skirt, small earrings, but we stick closely (but not too closely!) to utilitarian menswear. Brooks Brothers is useful, Eileen Fisher is OK if a little flashy, JCrew used to be useful, LL Bean was helpful before it started targeting the suburban market and went downhill, Peruvian Connection is weirdly fascinating, but in general look for well-made, high quality (hard to find in chain brands), a few pieces, and then take care of them because frugality and class are inextricably linked. Bulkier wool or cotton sweaters, but only if they’re hand knit. Tory Burch is unthinkable. Clothes and shoes are based on traditions that at least originally had a purpose. I’m not the best informant because I branched out a bit when I left home, but as a friend of mine once said, “No matter what you wear, you still always look like you went to a New England boarding school.”

[Anonymous]

Tailored jeans.

Button down - I don't like white, but light blue or pastel or check.

Pearl earrings and simple pendant, maybe.

Low ponytail or medium length blowout.

Simple makeup without overdone eyes.

Nice shoes. Not heels.

[Anonymous]

I would emphasize the waist, and buy clean-cut clothes with no frills, or extraneous fabric. Conservative style definitely.

And I hate to say this, but it goes for everyone, men and women - the less weight you carry (unless you're downright anorexic), the better you look.

[Anonymous]

Say what you want about the patterns, but the cut of most Lilly Pulitzer clothes is perfect. Their fits are body skimming without hugging. No rolls, no bra strap pinches (the patterns hide this stuff pretty well too even if you do get it!). You can tell what size the person is wearing it but the fit is always appropriate. I’m average height—5’4–and the length of most dresses is just about 2 inches above the knee. Enough to show a little skin but never vulgar (if you’re very very tall they’ll probably be minis on you, though—yet still not skintight). Even with a dress that’s almost baggy, somehow the drape falls nicely and doesn’t make you look like a sloppy tent. Like others have said, fit is extremely important to looking polished.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Say what you want about the patterns, but the cut of most Lilly Pulitzer clothes is perfect. Their fits are body skimming without hugging. No rolls, no bra strap pinches (the patterns hide this stuff pretty well too even if you do get it!). You can tell what size the person is wearing it but the fit is always appropriate. I’m average height—5’4–and the length of most dresses is just about 2 inches above the knee. Enough to show a little skin but never vulgar (if you’re very very tall they’ll probably be minis on you, though—yet still not skintight). Even with a dress that’s almost baggy, somehow the drape falls nicely and doesn’t make you look like a sloppy tent. Like others have said, fit is extremely important to looking polished.

I love their stuff for the fit as well. It's always perfect. They have items that are in solids if you are not into the prints.

[Anonymous]

A line or pencil skirt or well tailored slacks. flat or low heel shoes. button down shirt in cotton pastels. Tailored jackets. Minimum jewelry. Neat hair. Natural tones on nails.