Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

Out of pocket fees for an hour to talk to get someone to talk to a teen is $350-400. Then they go on in the first hour about why it is so important to continue weekly. $1200+ a month? Maybe 5% of the general population can afford that. Psychiatrists and counselors should be ashamed of themselves.

I would love to see recommendations of those that do some discounted work or do not take any insurance and have descent rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a huge psych practice filled with competent professionals with good communication skills

http://www.alvordbaker.com/about/clinicians/

$200 for a 45 minute appointment. We have done it but not everyone can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Jeff, consider moving this thread to the teen section. Lots of good tips, back and forth, and support that I got out of it - but not being a MD public school student did not know this thread was here until I heard about it through the grapevine.

He most likely won’t see this. Post in Website Feedback.

[Anonymous]

Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Out of pocket fees for an hour to talk to get someone to talk to a teen is $350-400. Then they go on in the first hour about why it is so important to continue weekly. $1200+ a month? Maybe 5% of the general population can afford that. Psychiatrists and counselors should be ashamed of themselves.

I would love to see recommendations of those that do some discounted work or do not take any insurance and have descent rates.

It does not exist. Next time you vote make sure you know what they want to do about mental health in the US.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a huge psych practice filled with competent professionals with good communication skills

http://www.alvordbaker.com/about/clinicians/

I had a terrible time getting first the intake person and then a therapist to return my calls/emails. After a couple of months I gave up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

Yes. This is so true. Other things I have not had time to do with my kids... surgery on his knee, surgery on his elbow, physical therapy for knee and elbow, immunization shots, teaching him Calculus and History and Physics.

WTF is wrong with you, Um psychologist don't just talk to your kid and if they do fire them immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

Total BS. Kids don't want to talk to their parents. The last thing I was going to do as a teenager was to tell my mom all about my boy troubles and friend troubles and school troubles. If I did, my mom probably would have said "Deal with it." The whole point of counselors and therapists is to have a third party who is NOT a parent or teacher or authority figure in general.

I did have a very good therapist in high school who helped me become more objective. I firmly believe those sessions permanently improve the way I view the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

Yes. This is so true. Other things I have not had time to do with my kids... surgery on his knee, surgery on his elbow, physical therapy for knee and elbow, immunization shots, teaching him Calculus and History and Physics.

WTF is wrong with you, Um psychologist don't just talk to your kid and if they do fire them immediately.

you clearly missed the point. a lot of kids are in therapy because they never get time with their parents who are "too busy"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

Yes. This is so true. Other things I have not had time to do with my kids... surgery on his knee, surgery on his elbow, physical therapy for knee and elbow, immunization shots, teaching him Calculus and History and Physics.

WTF is wrong with you, Um psychologist don't just talk to your kid and if they do fire them immediately.

you clearly missed the point. a lot of kids are in therapy because they never get time with their parents who are "too busy"

Really? Do you have any studies or statistics to back that up? I don't anyone who takes off a 1/2 day of work each week to get their teen to an appointment and then pays $200 to "talk" with a psychologist because they are too busy to do it themselves. Your impression of families with kids in therapy is way off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here.

My daughter is devastated and so sad about this -- as is the entire community. My child sat with me last night and opened up and the things that came out were so moving - and eye opening to me.

I'm left with the feeling that the school has to stop reinforcing the stress, stress, stress. They need to do something to tone down the stress levels for these kids.

Yes, undoubtedly there were many reasons that led to this tragedy. But, also, no doubt, this school is a pressure cooker and that is something the entire community has to deal with.

We chose Whitman because of its excellence and it is a great school in many ways. That said, my child was sick a couple of weeks ago and was worried about missing one day (one day!) of school b/c she'd "get behind." That's crazy.

We as parents and teachers must do something. Our kids are too precious and far more than the sum of their achievements, awards and grades.

Sad day.

What can Whitman, or other high schools for that matter, do to tone down the stress for the kids? Are the high schools the source of the stress or is it affluent parents who have set a high bar, the college application process, etc?

Whitman already does a lot. The principal and counselors constantly tell the parents and kids not to overdo APs. I attended some of the annual course selection meetings and they talk about the course options and the difference between AP, honors and regular. They encourage kids to take the appropriate level. My DC opted to drop from honors to regular in one class and they accommodated that schedule change with no problem. It sounds like the PPs child above is overdoing it but I’d be surprised if the school pushed her.

Bottom line is that it’s more about the parents expectations and external pressures than the school.

And while this is just speculation, I doubt the school was the issue for this girl. She moved schools after 9th grade so she and her parents and presumably her therapist must have thought this was a better fit for her. She’d been there less than 3 months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here.

My daughter is devastated and so sad about this -- as is the entire community. My child sat with me last night and opened up and the things that came out were so moving - and eye opening to me.

I'm left with the feeling that the school has to stop reinforcing the stress, stress, stress. They need to do something to tone down the stress levels for these kids.

Yes, undoubtedly there were many reasons that led to this tragedy. But, also, no doubt, this school is a pressure cooker and that is something the entire community has to deal with.

We chose Whitman because of its excellence and it is a great school in many ways. That said, my child was sick a couple of weeks ago and was worried about missing one day (one day!) of school b/c she'd "get behind." That's crazy.

We as parents and teachers must do something. Our kids are too precious and far more than the sum of their achievements, awards and grades.

Sad day.

Whitman graduate here. I didn't feel it was the school that was generating any pressure. It was the parents and my fellow students. I got A's and B's and the occasional C, and my parents didn't come down on me for it (they would have for a D though). The school certainly didn't come after me for my grades.

Funny thing is of my graduating class, the straight-A students have been only mildly successful, while all the really successful people I know (by money.. I know it's not the only measure) were the B students. They were more well-rounded and that's better suited to starting and running a business or being a real go-getter. The straight-A students were good at following the rules and focusing, but that's not always the best path to financial success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sad that you are all talking about paying others to talk to your kids but you are too busy over achieving and having your kids over achieve to find the time to talk them.

This is not fair. Kids who are depressed and anxious and stressed enough to consider suicide are dealing with mental illness. They need professional help, not just a chat with a parent. You are implying that mental illness arises out of poor parent/child relationships, which isn't at all true. You are also implying that therapy is "just talk" when, if you have a good therapist, the "talk" is structured in specific ways that have been trialed and are thus evidence-based and require training and knowledge to deliver. Plus, a child needs someone neutral to talk to in addition to talking to their parents. Kids take what we say as parents differently than when a 3rd party says the same thing.

And, many of us need to work full-time to afford access to health insurance and to be able to pay deductibles, copays, and out of network fees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Here is a huge psych practice filled with competent professionals with good communication skills

http://www.alvordbaker.com/about/clinicians/

And if you call them for an appointment for non-school hours, they will tell you their waiting list is 3-6 months.

[Anonymous]

Whitman graduate here. I didn't feel it was the school that was generating any pressure. It was the parents and my fellow students. I got A's and B's and the occasional C, and my parents didn't come down on me for it (they would have for a D though). The school certainly didn't come after me for my grades.

I concur. I have three students in various magnet programs, and the parental and peer pressure is ridiculous. I am in parental discussions often where one parent is telling another that the kid HAS to be 4.0 and how much tutoring, special program, etc. etc. My kids are in the middle of discussions all the time about how kids HAVE to be 4.0 to get into any college worthwhile, and how OMG so-and-so only got a 87% on that test. It's insane. I was happy for each of them in 6th grade when they got a B one quarter in something (mostly for being 6th graders and forgetting to turn something in). I told them good - now you aren't perfect and don't have to worry about it. It's really hard to teach them balance, when they are surrounded by kids whose parents are pressuring them for perfection.