Frustrated with anti-social wife/mom

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should leave her alone but..........

I'll never understand the "stay at home mom" that puts her kid in daycare for 6 hours a day, that's only 2 hours short of an entire workday. That is bizarre.

I'm a SAHM of five with a toddler and the most I've done is a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day preschool. Did I mention I run my own business as well? It's NOT an mlm, it's my own business.

If she wants to be anti-social, let her be. If it's a tipping point in the marriage, separate.

I would imagine it’s preschool not daycare. Plenty of sahms with kids in school full time. Among my friends, highly educated and affluent, it is the norm by far. And as a sahm with teens I can tell you it’s important to be around and available at this age. Working from home sounds like it’ll work for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should leave her alone but..........

I'll never understand the "stay at home mom" that puts her kid in daycare for 6 hours a day, that's only 2 hours short of an entire workday. That is bizarre.

I'm a SAHM of five with a toddler and the most I've done is a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day preschool. Did I mention I run my own business as well? It's NOT an mlm, it's my own business.

If she wants to be anti-social, let her be. If it's a tipping point in the marriage, separate.

I would imagine it’s preschool not daycare. Plenty of sahms with kids in school full time. Among my friends, highly educated and affluent, it is the norm by far. And as a sahm with teens I can tell you it’s important to be around and available at this age. Working from home sounds like it’ll work for you.

Preschool for a four-year old that lasts for six hours? My kids are in a preschool that runs from 8-12, five days a week. They could stay longer, but it would be extra. Are there really that many preschools that run for six hours a day as the normal schedule for four-year olds?

[Anonymous]

OP, join the club. They're a great way to meet people and do fun activities, and if your wife doesn't want to participate, at least you and your daughter can enjoy it. I'm an introvert but it sounds like your wife might have more going on. She should probably talk to someone and see if she is depressed. I hope things get better for you, for everyone's sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you and your daughter are extroverts and your wife is an introvert.

This. Get the book "Quiet" about introverts. It still boggles my mind that some people don't understand introverts.

Regarding your dd socializing, it will be easier in elementary when play dates are drop off and parents aren't expected to tag along for birthday parties and activities as much.

[Anonymous]

I guess your vows didn’t include for being anti-social or not, so technically you get a free pass

But I am really. Why even get married at all, it’s like vows mean nothing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should leave her alone but..........

I'll never understand the "stay at home mom" that puts her kid in daycare for 6 hours a day, that's only 2 hours short of an entire workday. That is bizarre.

I'm a SAHM of five with a toddler and the most I've done is a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day preschool. Did I mention I run my own business as well? It's NOT an mlm, it's my own business.

If she wants to be anti-social, let her be. If it's a tipping point in the marriage, separate.

I would imagine it’s preschool not daycare. Plenty of sahms with kids in school full time. Among my friends, highly educated and affluent, it is the norm by far. And as a sahm with teens I can tell you it’s important to be around and available at this age. Working from home sounds like it’ll work for you.

Preschool for a four-year old that lasts for six hours? My kids are in a preschool that runs from 8-12, five days a week. They could stay longer, but it would be extra. Are there really that many preschools that run for six hours a day as the normal schedule for four-year olds?

In dc, preschool is run by DCPS and it’s full day. 8:40 to 3:20

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should leave her alone but..........

I'll never understand the "stay at home mom" that puts her kid in daycare for 6 hours a day, that's only 2 hours short of an entire workday. That is bizarre.

I'm a SAHM of five with a toddler and the most I've done is a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day preschool. Did I mention I run my own business as well? It's NOT an mlm, it's my own business.

If she wants to be anti-social, let her be. If it's a tipping point in the marriage, separate.

I would imagine it’s preschool not daycare. Plenty of sahms with kids in school full time. Among my friends, highly educated and affluent, it is the norm by far. And as a sahm with teens I can tell you it’s important to be around and available at this age. Working from home sounds like it’ll work for you.

Preschool for a four-year old that lasts for six hours? My kids are in a preschool that runs from 8-12, five days a week. They could stay longer, but it would be extra. Are there really that many preschools that run for six hours a day as the normal schedule for four-year olds?

In dc, preschool is run by DCPS and it’s full day. 8:40 to 3:20

Also a lot of Montessori schools start 9-3 at age 4. I sort of felt pressured to start my DD (who was going 9-12 at age 3) on the 9-3 schedule once she was 4. I was fine with it because I SAH and had a baby I wanted to spend time with, but I understand how a SAHM ends up with a 4 YO in preschool 6 hours a day.

Also, 6 hours in preschool is not exactly "2 hours short of an entire workday". If you work 8 hours, typically your kid is in daycare/school for more like 10 (to factor in commuting time, drop off, etc).

[Anonymous]

Making new friends as an adult is really, really hard - and even harder if you feel like there's pressure to do so.

I'd explore marriage counseling and consider whether she has depression and/or social anxiety. But also ask yourself whether she's simply an introvert, and doesn't like being pressured (rather than encouraged) by her husband to make friends.

There are better ways for moms to connect than country clubs, which certainly can be intimidating. Volunteering at school (if the school has an active SAHM community), local mom groups, being involved in daughter's other activities (coaching a soccer team, helping out with a ballet show - all things that there will be more of as your daughter gets to elementary age), these are all great ways for moms to meet.

I've had a hard time making mom friends, and I would be miserable if my husband were pressuring me to make friends at a country club. But encouraging me (and helping me) plan playdates (sometimes on the weekend, so DH is there to act as a buffer), encouraging us to send our kids to a school that expects parents to be really involved and has a strong community, all of that has really helped me make connections.

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you married an introvert and you are trying to change who she is to match up with what you want, sorry dude. I don't envy you.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. My husband is anti social and we don’t have a great relationship. It is in fact our modus vivendi- he does his own stuff with DS (videogames, Krav Maga), and I do mine (everything else including soccer!).
I think it is important to make the most of what we have and not complain or ask for more. Do soccer parents judge me for never ever seeing my H? I have no idea, and I don’t really care. They seem nice to me and I am doing it for my child, that’s what counts.

[Anonymous]

I couldnt deal with an antisocial spouse and it has a horrible effect on the kids. I would honestly think about divorce.

[Anonymous]

OP disappeared, didn't answer follow-up questions. If there's something 'off' about his wife, then there's something 'off' about OP as well. Maybe his own role in his wife's behavior is bigger than he wants to let on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think you should leave her alone but..........

I'll never understand the "stay at home mom" that puts her kid in daycare for 6 hours a day, that's only 2 hours short of an entire workday. That is bizarre.

I'm a SAHM of five with a toddler and the most I've done is a 3 day a week, 3 hour a day preschool. Did I mention I run my own business as well? It's NOT an mlm, it's my own business.

If she wants to be anti-social, let her be. If it's a tipping point in the marriage, separate.

I would imagine it’s preschool not daycare. Plenty of sahms with kids in school full time. Among my friends, highly educated and affluent, it is the norm by far. And as a sahm with teens I can tell you it’s important to be around and available at this age. Working from home sounds like it’ll work for you.

Preschool for a four-year old that lasts for six hours? My kids are in a preschool that runs from 8-12, five days a week. They could stay longer, but it would be extra. Are there really that many preschools that run for six hours a day as the normal schedule for four-year olds?

In dc, preschool is run by DCPS and it’s full day. 8:40 to 3:20

Also a lot of Montessori schools start 9-3 at age 4. I sort of felt pressured to start my DD (who was going 9-12 at age 3) on the 9-3 schedule once she was 4. I was fine with it because I SAH and had a baby I wanted to spend time with, but I understand how a SAHM ends up with a 4 YO in preschool 6 hours a day.

Also, 6 hours in preschool is not exactly "2 hours short of an entire workday". If you work 8 hours, typically your kid is in daycare/school for more like 10 (to factor in commuting time, drop off, etc).

Those who find 6 hours a day strange for preschool, do you live in the DC area? In northern Virginia it is the norm, with a 9 to 3 schedule being standard. Parents who both work full time can pay more to drop the kids off as early as 6:30 or 7 a.m., and pick them up at late as 6:00 or 6:30 p.m.

The daughter attending 6 hours per day makes sense because of the opportunity to both learn and socialize. Core academic hours would be 9 to 12, then after that would be lunch. Then maybe some outdoor play before nap. If the 4 year old would be napping anyway, there’s no loss of time that she would be doing things with her mom. After nap, there would be snack, again a chance to be social. Then it’s already time for 3:00 pickup.