Frustrated with anti-social wife/mom

[Anonymous]

OP, you there?

[Anonymous]

How do you disagree on how to raise your daughter?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You have a great career and you guys made the decisions together to have her stay at home, so what if she shops as a "hobby"? It's not like she's making expensive purchases multiple times a day all day every day, 365 days a year, at least not from what you described here. Maybe she just enjoys cooking for you guys? The food you ate when you came home, she made it. The house you live in, she cleaned it. Your cloth, she washed them. You really think she just sat there?

Sorry, for me you guys have other issues going on, the reasons listed are just silly.

It doesn't take all day to cook dinner or to clean house. Clothes, eh, the washing machine takes care of them. It's not like she dragged them to the river to beat against the rocks.

Shopping as a hobby is pathetic and seems like a means to escape the emptiness. It is seriously the emptiest thing in the world to shop.

I definitely agree with this. When I was I happily married, for years, I would shop. I embarrassingly racked up a pretty large amount of debt (though it was only on my own card and a dime was not, and has not been, paid by my ex. I didn’t realize that this was sort of a coping mechanism and misguided way to make up for something I was missing in life. It’s three years after we’ve divorced and I still have some of the debt but have a grasp on it and am making progress—particularly because I’m not in that crappy place anymore and I don’t even feel the need to shop to fill a void. I am proud that I’ve been able to address it all by myself—but yeah, it can definitely be a sign that something is not right with her.

[Anonymous]

Unhappily* married!!

[Anonymous]

I recently becme a SAHM and find myself shopping almost daily. I go to the grocery store at least twice a week, make trips to the fabric store for crafts and decorating supplies, get stuff to organize and clean the house, buy presents for birthday parties, clothes for all of us, stuff for part of the house we are renovating, flowers in the spring, goggles in the summer, etc. none of it's super expensive, but I can see how if you had the time and were a bit of a perfectionist you could spend a lot of time shopping.

[Anonymous]

Introverts recharge with some alone time. That doesn't mean they don't enjoy being social.

[Anonymous]

Ugh, extroverts.

Not being social isn't a character flaw, OP. People have different preferenes.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you have some marriage problems but that shouldn't stop you from joining a club. We joined a CC soon after we got married because my DH loves golf. I could have cared less which club he joined as I thought I'd never use it. That quickly changed after having kids and getting them into the various swim, tennis, golf programs as well as family events. Then I started playing tennis and golf- Over time I have made a group of wonderful friends. Not saying this will be the case for you and your wife, but who knows, maybe she'd end up enjoying herself there.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for your wife. It sounds exhausting being married to you and your demands.

[Anonymous]

OP, join the country club, enjoy your life & your DD. Either your wife will get on board or not- her decision. BUT you & DD only get one life, don't let your future X ruin your lives.

[Anonymous]

Joining a country club? Yuck. I'm fairly social and that makes my skin crawl. Maybe she isn't WASPY?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your wife sounds depressed, OP. This personality, from your description, is not who she was before having a child.

I have to say that I have seen this frequently in marriages where the wife stays at home - the stay at home wife is NOT the person that the husband fell in love with.

I would suggest couples therapy for both of you and nudge her to see someone on her own, too. You probably should see someone alone, too.

+ 1 postpartum depression can last up to years after the birth. Isolating is a telltale sign of depression.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I recently becme a SAHM and find myself shopping almost daily. I go to the grocery store at least twice a week, make trips to the fabric store for crafts and decorating supplies, get stuff to organize and clean the house, buy presents for birthday parties, clothes for all of us, stuff for part of the house we are renovating, flowers in the spring, goggles in the summer, etc. none of it's super expensive, but I can see how if you had the time and were a bit of a perfectionist you could spend a lot of time shopping.

If I stayed at home and my kid was in daycare for 6 hours, I’d be shopping for clothes, shoes, make-up, and watching YouTube videos ALL DAY. I work two jobs and I barely have time to shop for groceries.

[Anonymous]

She could write the same thing about you, but that you are too extroverted. Stop trying to change your wife. If she's happy not being social, let her. People's brains are wired differently. She doesn't get energy from socializing like you do. It drains her energy. You knew what she was like when you married her and vice versa. Her being an introvert is not going to be a bad influence on your daughter. Go ahead and join the country club. I don't think this is worth blowing up your daughter's home over, but if you do wind up divorced your wife will probably enjoy the solitude.

[Anonymous]

What's the deal with country clubs? I didnt grow up in the US