Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, a man is not a plan. I'm sorry that such a terrible thing happened to you but you can't just stick your head in the sand and never work again. You have to get back on that horse.

I think, OP will, if needed. At the same time, I don't think it would help with the current situation at all. She is not getting $500k+/year if she starts working.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

That's a good idea -- OP doesn't seem to have a good concept of financial planning. They have a huge nest egg, and that will definitely tide them over.

As I see it, it's not about financial planning. It's a fear. Numbers help a bit, but not much. OP's husband has a plan A (start-up) and a plan B (find a new job if fails). I think plan C and plan D are necessary, spending plan is necessary. I understand the fear completely and no financial planner can say anything to alleviate it, as they will be giving me the high probability scenarios while I would be focusing on the very low probability one (hyperinflation coupled with the market crash with sky high health costs).

But where can op's dh go with that? The fear is not rational. Dh has laid the groundwork to take this chance while creating a financial safery net. I don't see why irrational fears of financial ruin should trump that.

[Anonymous]

Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honey, a man is not a plan. I'm sorry that such a terrible thing happened to you but you can't just stick your head in the sand and never work again. You have to get back on that horse.

New Poster. Ok realize that I'm saying this halfway facetiously and halfway seriously. But as far as "plans" go, this man does not sound like a bad one. lol.

He makes a lot, has good earning opportunity (as evidenced by the startups chasing after him), ambitious for more but still careful not to take the wrong opportunity, is a super saver, treats his SAHM wife as an equal partner, etc. etc.

You could say she drafted well.

/tic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:antagonistic? Does anyone have a good explanation for that? It seems like even threads that begin with OP asking for advice turns into a chorus of antagonizers mocking and insulting the OP? It's not everyone, but a very vocal group seems follow this pattern in every single thread.

For me, OP seems to lack gratitude for the enormous good fortune she has enjoyed simply by marrying her DH.

She can claim she supported him, let him work long hours, blah blah but many wives do that but don't sit on multi million dollar nest eggs. He is the one who made that happen; and she needs to trust him and stand by the agreement to division of labor they made years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

It's that combo and then acting as if you have a tough situation. Which she did in her OP. If she had been less emotional and more focused on budgets and cash flow there would be less ire. But portraying her millions and dropping to $100k salary as hardship? Yeah tiniest violin is tuning up.

[Anonymous]

What's the guarantee that he can find another job that pays about $600K if the startup fails? Was this asked already?

[Anonymous]

What is your DH's timeline for the start up? Is it a couple of months away so that you can test living on a budget of the equivalent of net 100k salary plus a modest amount of the savings draw-down? You may find that you enjoy life more with simpler choices. If your DH is going to be working all the time you won't be taking long, expensive vacations most of the time probably either. Tell him you are willing to think about it and discuss how to transition but that it must involve a budget. Even if the start-up doesn't take off, if you live on a modest amount, say $100k salary plus $50k savings, he won't need the same salary if he goes back to work for someone else to maintain your lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He'd go from over 600k to 100k plus a 10% equity stake or more. Obviously the equity is the thing he's after and it's not something he can negotiate where he's at currently. He's tired of building value for other people without seriously participating in it. I do understand that. However, I'm a SAHM and we have three little kids (4-9). I'm kind of freaked out. We live below our means and save a lot. We're sitting on 1.2M in cash right now. We have another 1.5M in investments. Unbeknownst to me, this is why we have so much cash. He's been planning to spend down our savings while he tries this out. He says it'll take 3 years to know if it works or not. If it doesn't, he'll look for a better paying job. I don't feel right spending down our savings, however, so if he does this, I think we should live very simply in the meantime. No eating out, no vacations, no purchases except for the strictly necessary for the kids like shoes etc. etc. I have a strong suspicion that he'll have a much harder time with this than me. He's used to just buying and spending whatever.

Am I allowed to tell him that if he does this, he needs to drastically cut his spending? Am I allowed to voice concerns re: money? I have to stand by and let him try this right? The worst thing would be if I said no and then he has to watch their company take off.

I'm thinking about going back to work but there are some problems with that. 1. for various reasons that I can't go into on here, I can't go back to my old field (burned my bridges big time). Fwiw, it was my husband's idea that I SAHM and he's always said he doesn't think I should go back to work back when it would have been easier to do so. 2. I don't think I'm qualified to do anything else except the most basic office work. I haven't worked in 8 years. Maybe I could get a waitressing job at night or something for the spending money? 3.) our youngest won't be in full time school for another 2 years.

ugh. I have such a bad feeling about this. What would you do? Just sit back and watch?

You're funny, OP.

If you're so concerned about money, go back to work and make $500k yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

That's a good idea -- OP doesn't seem to have a good concept of financial planning. They have a huge nest egg, and that will definitely tide them over.

As I see it, it's not about financial planning. It's a fear. Numbers help a bit, but not much. OP's husband has a plan A (start-up) and a plan B (find a new job if fails). I think plan C and plan D are necessary, spending plan is necessary. I understand the fear completely and no financial planner can say anything to alleviate it, as they will be giving me the high probability scenarios while I would be focusing on the very low probability one (hyperinflation coupled with the market crash with sky high health costs).

But where can op's dh go with that? The fear is not rational. Dh has laid the groundwork to take this chance while creating a financial safery net. I don't see why irrational fears of financial ruin should trump that.

I said above: they should talk about plan C, plan D and have a specific spending plan (not "50k wouldn't make or break us"), that can be checked periodically, maybe once a month. Tracking spending and income (aka interest and dividend income, besides salary) might help. OP's first response is cut drastically. That is my first response to any decrease in income. Repeated look at finances helps, rehashing the plans help. I am fully supportive of the start up idea even with zero salary, I am talking about fears that I personally fight every day and what helps me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

It's that combo and then acting as if you have a tough situation. Which she did in her OP. If she had been less emotional and more focused on budgets and cash flow there would be less ire. But portraying her millions and dropping to $100k salary as hardship? Yeah tiniest violin is tuning up.

She isn't acting as though her situation is tough. She has fears about choosing risk over stability. That has nothing at all to do with how she spends her day. To a human, anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

maybe it is the same OP

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

Man, your "freak out" threshold is low, I just viewed it as a reasonable question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two triggers: wealth and SAHM. The combo is insanely triggering to some.

+1
I am seeing threads with this theme-DH makes half a mil, the woman makes next to nothing, millions in savings, and the woman freaking out about scraping by. See the other one about a SAHM asking for life insurance when she already has 4-5 mil payout if DH dies.
Maybe it is the same troll starting these to taunt the WOHM who work for a paycheck and the not-so wealthy SAHM.

maybe it is the same OP

After thinking about it it does seem like a troll OP. The percentage of people with young children who have a paid off mortgage and millions in cash while parenting three young kids is tiny. I don't believe her.