Husband wants to take a huge paycut to join a startup

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

Sounds like a classic mid life crisis. Startups are for your people. Has he bought a sports car yet? Was the basement remodel going to add a wet bar?

[Anonymous]

How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

That is a great idea. Since your husband is a high earner you'd better give it up in bed and support whatever he wants without questioning. Now that's feminism, huh PP? Thanks for spreading the light.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much is currently in retirement? In 529's? Maybe you would feel better if you guys sat down with a fee-based financial planner who could show you how much of that money you need for college, and just how really safe you are now. I don't think your concerns are coming from a realistic view of your financial situation.

That's a good idea -- OP doesn't seem to have a good concept of financial planning. They have a huge nest egg, and that will definitely tide them over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

Sounds like a classic mid life crisis. Startups are for your people. Has he bought a sports car yet? Was the basement remodel going to add a wet bar?

what does this mean?

[Anonymous]

I am concerned that DH was doing all this "planning" and OP apparently did not know either that DH was financially setting himself up for this position, or that he wanted to do something like this at all. That is a weird disconnect. If my DH saved over a million dollars in cash, I think I would need to know why... right?

[Anonymous]

A relative moved jobs frequently for better gigs. The thing I see looking back on that career is that even the missteps were steps up. Everything was experience on the resume, and the next step was always up from there (and always for more equity).

He did the start up venture routine. Three times. They lived very frugally, but fine, for years (without the nest egg you guys have and more kids). One venture was going well, a better opportunity came by, and he jumped; that one totally failed, and he found another one ... that one paid off big time. I mean BIG time. You just never know which one will work out, but if you don't try ...

Every step was a learning experience that built and built and ultimately paid off. They feel strongly that this could not have worked for them if SIL had not SAH because making a venture work is all consuming. They are a mighty strong team. That is what worked best for their family (but I also see great value in PP's model).

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

Sounds like a classic mid life crisis. Startups are for your people. Has he bought a sports car yet? Was the basement remodel going to add a wet bar?

what does this mean?

*young

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much is your mortgage?

we don't have one (he paid it off a few years ago, I guess this was part of his plan too) but we do have a property tax bill that works out to be ~ 1k a month.

He sounds really fiscally conservative, op. I genuinely don't understand where your fears are coming from.

I am really risk adverse. We have a really nice life right now. Aside from the equity thing, he actually really likes current job and the people he works with a lot. So I just never thought he'd seriously do this. He always talked about it in a "if things were different" kind of way. But things are not different. We have three little kids.

Op, I'm going to come right out and say your fears are not rational. Your dh (and you!) have done an amazing job with money so far. Let him roll the dice on this one. He's literally earned it.

Sounds like a classic mid life crisis. Startups are for your people. Has he bought a sports car yet? Was the basement remodel going to add a wet bar?

what does this mean?

I think he/she meant "young people." The PP has no experience in the start-up environment and is giving bad advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A relative moved jobs frequently for better gigs. The thing I see looking back on that career is that even the missteps were steps up. Everything was experience on the resume, and the next step was always up from there (and always for more equity).

He did the start up venture routine. Three times. They lived very frugally, but fine, for years (without the nest egg you guys have and more kids). One venture was going well, a better opportunity came by, and he jumped; that one totally failed, and he found another one ... that one paid off big time. I mean BIG time. You just never know which one will work out, but if you don't try ...

Every step was a learning experience that built and built and ultimately paid off. They feel strongly that this could not have worked for them if SIL had not SAH because making a venture work is all consuming. They are a mighty strong team. That is what worked best for their family (but I also see great value in PP's model).

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

^^by PP I meant 8:25

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a spouse who works in tech startups and has for 15 years+. Some things to think about.

-He will have insane hours. It's the culture. Most others in the company will be in their 20s and this won't be a problem for them. No one will care that he has a wife and kids.
-Zero job security. Zero. Could get fired on a Tuesday.
-A lot of startups fail. The percentage that end up getting sold and making equity partners a good deal of money is pretty slim. 10 percent of anything but a fairly big number isn't much.
-What is the health insurance situation? Health insurance for a family of 5 isn't cheap and if I was you, one of my biggest concerns would be stable health insurance for your family. Depending on the size of the startup and where they are as a company, they might not offer great family plans. They're probably dealing with a lot of singles, which is a different market.

My advice is plan out the worst case scenario with him and make sure you can live with it. The worst case is you spend down all your savings and in 3 years he has a 100k salary and you have no savings. What happens then? What happens if he gets let go? Just work out your contingency scenarios and maybe you'll feel better.

Good luck. If they've got the bug to go this route, not much you can do about it. I only have 2 kids, but the way I sleep at night is I have a very stable job and I am the stable and steady presence in our family income and carry our health insurance. But I understand that might not be possible for everyone.

This sounds like good advice.
I think the majority of start ups never get past the start up phase and do nothing but fall flat.
Also, I know you said you live way below your means but I hear everyone say that and most people don't realize that they do not. Track your spending for one month. See how much thought you put into every day purchases - new shoes because the kids just outgrew a pair, $50 donation for the school teacher gift, - all of those things will become purchases that you will sweat on a $100K with 3 kids in this area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He well earned that shot. Let him or he will regret it.
Even if it fails, that's life. With your assets you don't have to live in fear. I guess as a SAHM you don't feel powerful enough to dig yourself out of a hole. Maybe work on that.

What does this mean? Not being snarky, I just honestly don't know what you're saying here.

NP. It probably means the for OP the man was her plan, and she has no means to support herself by her own admission.

And honestly a man like this who makes half a million and saved up millions and still isn't satisfied may have ambitions for improvements outside of his career, not sure if OP is worried about their marriage too. Hence be supportive and weather this phase, OP seems vulnerable

OP here. No I am not worried about my marriage. We have always seen ourselves as a partnership and that the money he makes is "our" money. He is asking me if he should do this, he's not telling me. I don't think it's fair to paint me as a leech. I've made sacrifices too. He went back to work two days after I had each of our babies and I didn't say anything. He frequently goes on last minute business trips and I don't say anything. It's not like I've been on easy street all these years. I've been home with three little kids.

Never meant to paint you as a leech. But your financial plan is solely your DH.

For most working parents DH has to go back to work a couple days after having kids too; it's actually much worse to leave you 6 week old crying infant with some sub daycare worker you just met, so please shut the F up about sacrifice in your paid off McMansion and MILLIONS in assets.

FFS, you are the living defintion of EASY STREET.

But your DH wanderlust for better pastures does seem to be jeopardizing that, hopefully just professionally.

I am curious how you consider yourself partners when he has been crafting this secret plan (paid off mortgage, huge growth stifling cash savings) and not discussing with you years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

If he has the skills to develop a company, and you trust the team he's joining (no major personality issues), then I say take a leap of faith. You have done the financial prep work to make this risk possible. But you have to take control of the home finances and home front and keep him in line and prop him up. He'll be very busy elsewhere if he's doing it right.

Startup person here. I sold my car and some other stuff and started mine with $25k. Now I make $1mln/year. Anyway, definitely look at the management team he'll be joining at the startup. Sometimes I see people eager to join any startup that comes along, just to do it, but they aren't always the right ones.

It's like a friend I had who came into some money and decided to become an angel investor. He was eager to invest in anything, including industries he had no experience in, just to do something. Those didn't work out so well. (lesson learned: engineers don't know much about the hospitality business)