Caught with alcohol in dorm

[Anonymous]

OP, why aren't you telling us the full story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One month into school and formally busted for boozing in a dorm? Safe assumption she's whoring around, just bombed all of her mid-terms and is on her way to failing out.

Who cares if she is whoring around? College is the time to do it. I wish I did more of that!

Dream big.

I'm a 42 year old multimillionaire. What do you mean " dream big"?
I have many accomplishments. I have been with the same man for 20 years. I did whore around before I met him. Looking back, I should have whored around much more!

Completely agree!! Simply had more sex for fun and enjoyed it without the guilt or the questioning!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:SIL just went through this with my nephew this past spring semester.

A party he was at was busted by the town police, not campus police. All of the underage kids that the police managed to wrangle up were cited with a ticket & court date. Those that were deemed to be too drunk to safely make it home were rounded up in the big police van that was called and they had to sober up in jail.

This was at UVA, so I'm going off of the consequences he got in VA. They went to his court date with a lawyer. No loss of license and apparently, at least according to his lawyer, this doesn't happen often unless the person was extremely drunk & belligerent or a repeat offender. He had to pay a $500 fine, attend VASAP (alcohol safety & education program), attend a victim impact forum (DUI victims & relatives speak), and had to complete 90 hours of community service in 180 days. Once my nephew completed all of the above and a certain amount of time passed, he's able to get it removed from his record.

I'd definitely go in with a lawyer who can get the judge to agree to the first time offender course of action.

Forgot to add, since this was at an off campus party and involved the town police, not campus police, the school was never notified. He didn't have any academic consequences.

When I was in college, getting caught by campus police meant a ticket for $100 and your name got turned over to the dean of your school/program. First offense, you got a stern verbal warning. Second offense, you got an official written warning & 60 days probation & had to attend alcohol education classes. Third offense, 2nd written warning and put on probation for 6 months. Fourth offense, you were kicked out of on-campus housing immediately and had to go before the disciplinary committee to plead your case on why you should be allowed to stay in school. In all of these cases, your parents almost always found out.

Getting caught by the local cops meant a much higher fine of $350 and usually a trip before the judge to get assigned some community service, but you got to keep it from your parents.

Many a drunken fight ensued over the pros & cons of getting busted by each type of cop. Ah, college.

These consequences make sense

[Anonymous]

A law that is being so widely broken by so many otherwise law abiding young adults is not a good law.

Time to revisit and revise this thing.

[Anonymous]

In all seriousness - does this law teach young adults to become closet drinkers?

[Anonymous]

I wanted to comment on pp who is slut shaming college girls/women. What prompts you to have such issues, man or a woman? I would point out that you didn't write that the boy/man in question is whoring around but immediately a SHE. I got the impression from OP that it is son in question. Quite frankly college students have equal right to be sleeping around no matter the gender, you sicken me and are a poor excuse for a human being. I certainly hope that you no daughters or sons for that matter. You are not fit to be a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness - does this law teach young adults to become closet drinkers?

I am the pp who first pointed out the absurdity of the law on drinking age on this thread. Yes, I firmly believe that it is teaching kids to be closet drinkers, and developing unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I could go and buy beer for my dad in Europe even at age 7. That has certainly changed there too today. Nobody encouraged me to drink, but I will point out that my mom would absolutely freak out anytime Dad would drink, because my grandpa was abusive alcoholic. In my case it made me terrified of what mom would do to me if I actually took a sip of something, I never did drink, but imagine whole society freaking out about it? And not all kids are goody too shoes like I was. My sister certainly thought it would be fun to pi** off mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really interesting to me. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom have been RAs at their school. The general policy at all of their schools is that unless you are basically inviting us to get involved (e.g. drinking in the open areas of the dorm, falling over drunk, being belligerent, people complaining about the party noise coming from your room, pot smells seeping into hallway)...the RAs/staff won't go looking for alcohol/drugs. Do you know what the circumstances behind this incident were, OP? And even then, unless there are other violations (e.g. emergency management having to be called, property destruction, etc.) you're just written up and have to pay a fine ($$$ varies by school). If it happens again...that's when things can get a bit hairy but the first violation is generally not a huge deal. I think they realize that half the campus would get suspended in a year if they cited every time they saw underage drinking or a beer can in a room.

Or...does your son go to a super religion/strict shcool like Liberty?

Yep. My first thought as someone who was an RA in college was that there is more to the story. RAs might write you up (which means meeting with the resident director and maybe doing some service in the dorm), but they don't want to call the cops on their residents.

If the cops were called and there was a call home, this was more than just having a beer in the dorm room.

Another former RA (albeit many years ago, LOL) who totally agrees with this.

I was a resident advisor and a graduate advisor at two different universities, both Ivies and I agree. There’s more going on than we’re told.

Or things have changed a lot in the last 15 years. In my day up into the early 2000s practically every dorm room harbored alcohol. We never had the outside police involved over drinking situations. I busted parties only when I had to (complaints from other residents) but the booze was never confiscated.

Agree with all of this. OP may not come back and give the details, and certainly parents should not openly condone alcohol in dorm rooms, but for those freaking out on the laws and over-enforcement--relax. Kid is not going to be busted unless they are actively doing something that brings the drinking to the attention of the RA (excessive noise, obviously drunk in hallways/common areas).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In all seriousness - does this law teach young adults to become closet drinkers?

I am the pp who first pointed out the absurdity of the law on drinking age on this thread. Yes, I firmly believe that it is teaching kids to be closet drinkers, and developing unhealthy relationship with alcohol. I could go and buy beer for my dad in Europe even at age 7. That has certainly changed there too today. Nobody encouraged me to drink, but I will point out that my mom would absolutely freak out anytime Dad would drink, because my grandpa was abusive alcoholic. In my case it made me terrified of what mom would do to me if I actually took a sip of something, I never did drink, but imagine whole society freaking out about it? And not all kids are goody too shoes like I was. My sister certainly thought it would be fun to pi** off mom.

My other concern is that since young adults are widely breaking this law and quietly drinking anyway that it will open the door to breaking other kinds of laws, the mindset being: if I can get away with breaking a law that I don't like, I'll go ahead and do it. If drinking alcohol is illegal what's the big deal about trying drugs? If you break one law, why not shop lift or fraud?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really interesting to me. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom have been RAs at their school. The general policy at all of their schools is that unless you are basically inviting us to get involved (e.g. drinking in the open areas of the dorm, falling over drunk, being belligerent, people complaining about the party noise coming from your room, pot smells seeping into hallway)...the RAs/staff won't go looking for alcohol/drugs. Do you know what the circumstances behind this incident were, OP? And even then, unless there are other violations (e.g. emergency management having to be called, property destruction, etc.) you're just written up and have to pay a fine ($$$ varies by school). If it happens again...that's when things can get a bit hairy but the first violation is generally not a huge deal. I think they realize that half the campus would get suspended in a year if they cited every time they saw underage drinking or a beer can in a room.

Or...does your son go to a super religion/strict shcool like Liberty?

Yep. My first thought as someone who was an RA in college was that there is more to the story. RAs might write you up (which means meeting with the resident director and maybe doing some service in the dorm), but they don't want to call the cops on their residents.

If the cops were called and there was a call home, this was more than just having a beer in the dorm room.

Another former RA (albeit many years ago, LOL) who totally agrees with this.

I was a resident advisor and a graduate advisor at two different universities, both Ivies and I agree. There’s more going on than we’re told.

Or things have changed a lot in the last 15 years. In my day up into the early 2000s practically every dorm room harbored alcohol. We never had the outside police involved over drinking situations. I busted parties only when I had to (complaints from other residents) but the booze was never confiscated.

Agree with all of this. OP may not come back and give the details, and certainly parents should not openly condone alcohol in dorm rooms, but for those freaking out on the laws and over-enforcement--relax. Kid is not going to be busted unless they are actively doing something that brings the drinking to the attention of the RA (excessive noise, obviously drunk in hallways/common areas).

The law isn't usually enforced because it is viewed as a stupid law that "everyone" breaks anyway. That is a dumb law.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a similar incident. He was very drunk in the dorm. He fell down and hit his head. Campus security and paramedics came when police came. He was resistant to their care. He was belligerent. He ended up in ER.

His consequences have been severe. He was not allowed back into his dorm. They did agree to let him move to a different dorm but he doesn't want that so he is living back home. He had to give apologies to staff involved. He had to attend alcohol counselling.

He also has been told that he is banned from campus pubs permanently. This didn't happen in a campus pub. He is 18 and the legal age of drinking here where we live is 19. They also said he cannot ever have a drink on campus. Am i wrong in thinking these consequences are too harsh? These consequences will last 4 years. We are thinking of appealing this on principle.

This seems insanely harsh....I would absolutely appeal. These consequences will impact your child's entire college experience.

Belligerent and injured to the point of needing ER care? Yes the consequences should impact his whole experience because he clearly can't control himself. The dorm staff proabably didnt want him back after his behavior and they should not be required to deal with him. Of course campus will ban him from drinking there even when he becomes legal - they don't want liability for him because he has demonstrated a lack of control coupled with anger. Sounds to me like the punishment fits the crime and you want your son to get off easy.

I hope next time (because there will be a next time) you get to pick him up from the ER again and not the morgue.

You sound like a lunatic. How old are your kids? Did you go to college?

Yup - to a big sports program school with a definite party atmosphere. I have 2 kids in college now. And a dead college friend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, why aren't you telling us the full story?

Because OP doesn't know the full story. She only knows bits and pieces because she read her son's college e-mail account. (Is this the norm now? Parents having the password to their college student's email account? Sounds awful.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow - really?

We got caught with beers and more in our dorm rooms in a VA state school in the early 2000s and just got written up and had to take a CD test. That was the first time...not sure about subsequent times.

Police seems like overkill.

unbelievable. We had keys in the 70's and bags of weed.

would walk up and down the frat row with bottles of jack daniels.

town police stayed far away. university police would make sure no one got hurt.

we have no culture anymore. our kids can't even grow up at college without police involved.

[Anonymous]

It's a class 1 misdemeanor in Virginia

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
unbelievable. We had keys in the 70's and bags of weed.

would walk up and down the frat row with bottles of jack daniels.

town police stayed far away. university police would make sure no one got hurt.

we have no culture anymore. our kids can't even grow up at college without police involved.

That's your idea of culture? HAHA. College is so much better these days. Yes, parties are part of it, but the "culture" at college includes a lot more than that.