Caught with alcohol in dorm

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised the school communicated this to you without your DC granting permission unless your child is under 18.

+1. How did you find out OP? My step-daughter was caught and we only knew because we had access to her school email and saw the reprimand. They refused to give us ANY details when husband called about it. And step-daughter just blew us and downplayed it.

I echo the "be far more concerned with how she was caught." I think you have to be a belligerent a-hole and/or disregard previous warnings to get caught.

fyi step-daughter failed out of college a few months later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Real police, or campus police?

Um, in most states there is no difference

That's true, however, I know when I was in college, if the campus police caught you, it was a $250 ticket. If the local police caught you, you were taken in to sober up in the drunk tank, given a citation w/ a court date, and then got whatever consequences came from that.

[Anonymous]

My son in VA was cited for underage drinking...but it wasn't on a college campus (summer after freshman year, he was at a party in someone's backyard). He paid $500 and had to go to a counseling. But since his record was otherwise clean and there weren't other things he was cited for like property destruction, obstructing the police officer, drunk driving...I think the penalty was more lenient.

[Anonymous]

SIL just went through this with my nephew this past spring semester.

A party he was at was busted by the town police, not campus police. All of the underage kids that the police managed to wrangle up were cited with a ticket & court date. Those that were deemed to be too drunk to safely make it home were rounded up in the big police van that was called and they had to sober up in jail.

This was at UVA, so I'm going off of the consequences he got in VA. They went to his court date with a lawyer. No loss of license and apparently, at least according to his lawyer, this doesn't happen often unless the person was extremely drunk & belligerent or a repeat offender. He had to pay a $500 fine, attend VASAP (alcohol safety & education program), attend a victim impact forum (DUI victims & relatives speak), and had to complete 90 hours of community service in 180 days. Once my nephew completed all of the above and a certain amount of time passed, he's able to get it removed from his record.

I'd definitely go in with a lawyer who can get the judge to agree to the first time offender course of action.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is really interesting to me. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom have been RAs at their school. The general policy at all of their schools is that unless you are basically inviting us to get involved (e.g. drinking in the open areas of the dorm, falling over drunk, being belligerent, people complaining about the party noise coming from your room, pot smells seeping into hallway)...the RAs/staff won't go looking for alcohol/drugs. Do you know what the circumstances behind this incident were, OP? And even then, unless there are other violations (e.g. emergency management having to be called, property destruction, etc.) you're just written up and have to pay a fine ($$$ varies by school). If it happens again...that's when things can get a bit hairy but the first violation is generally not a huge deal. I think they realize that half the campus would get suspended in a year if they cited every time they saw underage drinking or a beer can in a room.

Or...does your son go to a super religion/strict shcool like Liberty?

Yep. My first thought as someone who was an RA in college was that there is more to the story. RAs might write you up (which means meeting with the resident director and maybe doing some service in the dorm), but they don't want to call the cops on their residents.

If the cops were called and there was a call home, this was more than just having a beer in the dorm room.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, has anyone had recent experience with this? Police were called and kid received citation.
Do they automatically lose driver's license for a period of time?
Consequences at school too.
My level of disappointment is indescribable.

Ease up on the pearl clutching, OP, I think you're cutting off oxygen to your brain. This is no biggie. The vast, vast, vast majority of college kids drink. I might be disappointed my kid was stupid enough to get caught, but the attitude towards alcohol in this country is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

My DD was caught when maintenance guys entered the dorm room and alcohol was in plain sight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:SIL just went through this with my nephew this past spring semester.

A party he was at was busted by the town police, not campus police. All of the underage kids that the police managed to wrangle up were cited with a ticket & court date. Those that were deemed to be too drunk to safely make it home were rounded up in the big police van that was called and they had to sober up in jail.

This was at UVA, so I'm going off of the consequences he got in VA. They went to his court date with a lawyer. No loss of license and apparently, at least according to his lawyer, this doesn't happen often unless the person was extremely drunk & belligerent or a repeat offender. He had to pay a $500 fine, attend VASAP (alcohol safety & education program), attend a victim impact forum (DUI victims & relatives speak), and had to complete 90 hours of community service in 180 days. Once my nephew completed all of the above and a certain amount of time passed, he's able to get it removed from his record.

I'd definitely go in with a lawyer who can get the judge to agree to the first time offender course of action.

Forgot to add, since this was at an off campus party and involved the town police, not campus police, the school was never notified. He didn't have any academic consequences.

When I was in college, getting caught by campus police meant a ticket for $100 and your name got turned over to the dean of your school/program. First offense, you got a stern verbal warning. Second offense, you got an official written warning & 60 days probation & had to attend alcohol education classes. Third offense, 2nd written warning and put on probation for 6 months. Fourth offense, you were kicked out of on-campus housing immediately and had to go before the disciplinary committee to plead your case on why you should be allowed to stay in school. In all of these cases, your parents almost always found out.

Getting caught by the local cops meant a much higher fine of $350 and usually a trip before the judge to get assigned some community service, but you got to keep it from your parents.

Many a drunken fight ensued over the pros & cons of getting busted by each type of cop. Ah, college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is really interesting to me. I have 4 kids, 3 of whom have been RAs at their school. The general policy at all of their schools is that unless you are basically inviting us to get involved (e.g. drinking in the open areas of the dorm, falling over drunk, being belligerent, people complaining about the party noise coming from your room, pot smells seeping into hallway)...the RAs/staff won't go looking for alcohol/drugs. Do you know what the circumstances behind this incident were, OP? And even then, unless there are other violations (e.g. emergency management having to be called, property destruction, etc.) you're just written up and have to pay a fine ($$$ varies by school). If it happens again...that's when things can get a bit hairy but the first violation is generally not a huge deal. I think they realize that half the campus would get suspended in a year if they cited every time they saw underage drinking or a beer can in a room.

Or...does your son go to a super religion/strict shcool like Liberty?

Yep. My first thought as someone who was an RA in college was that there is more to the story. RAs might write you up (which means meeting with the resident director and maybe doing some service in the dorm), but they don't want to call the cops on their residents.

If the cops were called and there was a call home, this was more than just having a beer in the dorm room.

Yes, our RAs were cool; just "ladies bring those back to your room and keep the door shut". Ah the good old days. I won't lie though, there are super scary stories coming out of colleges now and I'm feeling very humble about what parents of college aged kids are going through versus our youth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am surprised the school communicated this to you without your DC granting permission unless your child is under 18.

+1. How did you find out OP? My step-daughter was caught and we only knew because we had access to her school email and saw the reprimand. They refused to give us ANY details when husband called about it. And step-daughter just blew us and downplayed it.

I echo the "be far more concerned with how she was caught." I think you have to be a belligerent a-hole and/or disregard previous warnings to get caught.

fyi step-daughter failed out of college a few months later.

OP here. This is exactly how we found out. He still has not told us anything. We see him soon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, has anyone had recent experience with this? Police were called and kid received citation.
Do they automatically lose driver's license for a period of time?
Consequences at school too.
My level of disappointment is indescribable.

Ease up on the pearl clutching, OP, I think you're cutting off oxygen to your brain. This is no biggie. The vast, vast, vast majority of college kids drink. I might be disappointed my kid was stupid enough to get caught, but the attitude towards alcohol in this country is ridiculous.

OP. It's the being stupid enough to get caught part that gets me. He's not good at hiding his partying ways from us at home either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son had a similar incident. He was very drunk in the dorm. He fell down and hit his head. Campus security and paramedics came when police came. He was resistant to their care. He was belligerent. He ended up in ER.

His consequences have been severe. He was not allowed back into his dorm. They did agree to let him move to a different dorm but he doesn't want that so he is living back home. He had to give apologies to staff involved. He had to attend alcohol counselling.

He also has been told that he is banned from campus pubs permanently. This didn't happen in a campus pub. He is 18 and the legal age of drinking here where we live is 19. They also said he cannot ever have a drink on campus. Am i wrong in thinking these consequences are too harsh? These consequences will last 4 years. We are thinking of appealing this on principle.

This seems insanely harsh....I would absolutely appeal. These consequences will impact your child's entire college experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My son had a similar incident. He was very drunk in the dorm. He fell down and hit his head. Campus security and paramedics came when police came. He was resistant to their care. He was belligerent. He ended up in ER.

His consequences have been severe. He was not allowed back into his dorm. They did agree to let him move to a different dorm but he doesn't want that so he is living back home. He had to give apologies to staff involved. He had to attend alcohol counselling.

He also has been told that he is banned from campus pubs permanently. This didn't happen in a campus pub. He is 18 and the legal age of drinking here where we live is 19. They also said he cannot ever have a drink on campus. Am i wrong in thinking these consequences are too harsh? These consequences will last 4 years. We are thinking of appealing this on principle.

This seems insanely harsh....I would absolutely appeal. These consequences will impact your child's entire college experience.

Agree. You've got to be in Ontario, right? I grew up there and while I went to uni in QC where legal age is 18 (and really, no one cares or checks anyway) most of my high school friends went to ON schools in the mid-2000s. I've never heard of anything like this. I know Queen's had been cracking down because of the belligerent riots they had at homecoming a few years ago, but it honestly sounds like this is more personal (ie. they wanted him out of the dorm period, this was a convenient way to do so). How on earth do they plan to enforce their punishments? I can't think of an ON school small enough where they could.

In general, though, it's really eye-opening to read what all of you go through in the US where attitudes towards alcohol are so much more conservative. Drinking was an integral part of my university experience--we didn't get black-out drunk like many kids do these days, but it was woven into the social fabric, even at school sponsored events. It seems healthier to do it out in the open (which, I understand, is only possible because it's legal, though I was technically 17 when I started first year).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In Virginia, has anyone had recent experience with this? Police were called and kid received citation.
Do they automatically lose driver's license for a period of time?
Consequences at school too.
My level of disappointment is indescribable.

Ease up on the pearl clutching, OP, I think you're cutting off oxygen to your brain. This is no biggie. The vast, vast, vast majority of college kids drink. I might be disappointed my kid was stupid enough to get caught, but the attitude towards alcohol in this country is ridiculous.

OP. It's the being stupid enough to get caught part that gets me. He's not good at hiding his partying ways from us at home either.

"Partying ways" or does he have an alcohol problem?

[Anonymous]

What university is it? Where did they get the booze?