If you are NOT close with your MIL

[Anonymous]

I wish I had a good reason. I guess my only reason is that she doesn't like me and has asked DH to divorce me so many times. But I really never got a reason for that. I really wish I knew.

[Anonymous]

My MiL is obsessed with us in such an unhealthy way and it has made my DH and I put walls up, which obviously makes her more obsessed. She wants to be a part of everything: know all of our finances, salaries, be friends with our friends, 'celebrate' every last holiday on the calendar with her. She is the reason I need to see a marriage therapist, even though my husband is great at 'handling' her. Any recommendations for a therapist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MiL is obsessed with us in such an unhealthy way and it has made my DH and I put walls up, which obviously makes her more obsessed. She wants to be a part of everything: know all of our finances, salaries, be friends with our friends, 'celebrate' every last holiday on the calendar with her. She is the reason I need to see a marriage therapist, even though my husband is great at 'handling' her. Any recommendations for a therapist?

Is he an only child?

[Anonymous]

We're just so different. From different cultures. Completely different upbringings and lifestyles. She also lives with us and annoys the bejesus out of me even though she is really helpful with our kids. Borderline too helpful; she's pretty obsessed with the kids, which irritates me to no end. She even kept calling DH to talk to them while we were on our own vacation...and she was on HER own vacation across the country! (Because god forbid the woman stay alone in our secured house in one of the safest parts of the country...but that's another issue I suppose.) Luckily unlike the PP the obsession ends with the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MiL is obsessed with us in such an unhealthy way and it has made my DH and I put walls up, which obviously makes her more obsessed. She wants to be a part of everything: know all of our finances, salaries, be friends with our friends, 'celebrate' every last holiday on the calendar with her. She is the reason I need to see a marriage therapist, even though my husband is great at 'handling' her. Any recommendations for a therapist?

Is he an only child?

No, he has an older sibling (also in DC) who relies on her financially (to help with mortgage and bills) - those two have a complicated co-dependent relationship of their own. She is thrilled to be 'helping' her other child financially, and almost seems upset that my husband doesn't ask her for a penny (Because financial assistance is an 'in' for her, and gives her a certain level of control.) Thank God my DH is so great at handling her. But I still need a therapist.

[Anonymous]

She "disowned" my DH. One day we got a snail mail letter saying that it was her "last" time that she would "try" to reach him and proceeded to say horrible things. DH never responded so she never called.

If instead of that letter, she had just called, he would have answered and they would have a relationship today. Drama llama.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is just a flake and a narcissist. A total airhead who is also super sensitive, and has caused all sorts of problems with her own friends and family. She is also massively materialistic and has a shopping addiction for highend everything. I have a hard time coming up with anything positive about her at all. At all.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is like the mom in Sweet Home Alabama but minus the ending where you find out that the parents were actually really great.

Interestingly, my sister and I are both super close to our parents (and our parents have a great marriage and were both super close to each others parents -- so we grew up in a home where it was kind of expected we'd be close to our growing family). My DH grew up on welfare (his mom still is incredibly impoverished). My sister's DH grew up in a trust fund family that is a household name in the US. Both of our MILs, interestingly, are horrid, selfish, socially stunted people. Apparently, horrible MILs is not restricted to any economic strata.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MiL is obsessed with us in such an unhealthy way and it has made my DH and I put walls up, which obviously makes her more obsessed. She wants to be a part of everything: know all of our finances, salaries, be friends with our friends, 'celebrate' every last holiday on the calendar with her. She is the reason I need to see a marriage therapist, even though my husband is great at 'handling' her. Any recommendations for a therapist?

Is he an only child?

No, he has an older sibling (also in DC) who relies on her financially (to help with mortgage and bills) - those two have a complicated co-dependent relationship of their own. She is thrilled to be 'helping' her other child financially, and almost seems upset that my husband doesn't ask her for a penny (Because financial assistance is an 'in' for her, and gives her a certain level of control.) Thank God my DH is so great at handling her. But I still need a therapist.

Are you me? This is so dead on it's scary. Things have gotten a bit better since we have kids now and I can't care so much about her weird comments and questions. We focus on the kids. Thankfully, she's a loving grandmother, which helps me see past the fact that she would prefer all her children be in weird co-dependent relationships with her. Thank god my DH has a backbone. His sibling will never break free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have different life views. I am a SAHM and she had a very powerful and fulfilling career. She finds it hard to respect my choice. I actually REALLY respect working moms and try to tell her in subtle ways all the time. She did a great job raising her kids and it doesn't have to be like this. There is no right choice. But she raised her kids in the 70s and 80s when she got A LOT of shit from her peer group and generation above her about working in a powerful position. Its just in her to be bitter and angry. She spent so many years on the defense. Im hoping it doesn't stay such a defining divide but Im 5 years into SAH and it still really really bothers her.

Forgot to add another key aspect. My SIL (husbands brothers wife) is a cardiologist so she is really really special and impressive to MIL. In return in then hurts me that she favors her and her choices so much more. It dribbles down to our kids too. MIL will visit/pick them up them at daycare often and but never stop by at my house "because Im home and don't need her". So now MIL is closer to their kids and that stings too.

That's terrible, I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

My DH is an only child, his dad (single) is obsessed with us. If we don't see him every Sunday he throws a huge guilt trip of how lonely he is, how we are all he has, how he's so depressed, etc. I HATE it. Then when we do get together he just complains about his life.