If you are NOT close with your MIL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DIL and MIL should not make "being close" the objective. You should respect each other, be kind to each other, and be considerate. Leave it at that.

I suppose. What if the MIL b*tches about the DIL for no reason (DIL keeps her distance, intentionally)?

[Anonymous]

Mine 1) talks non stop, in circles and most of the time it's nonsense. She drives DH insane with this too btw 2) will do anything to prove me wrong regarding parenting and does things behind my back even if explicitly told not to do something when it concerns our DS and house rules 3) always acts like she wants to help with DS, but completely unreliable and always bails last minute, so we no longer ask. She acts like we don't let her help and it's so unfair; 4) treats her 2 sons very unequally and has contributed to some major family issues, but will never take responsibility. The list goes on and on. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about ILs.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is just a bitter person. She is the kind of person who seems only to see the negative in every situation and is happy to point it out to you. Going to restaurants with my ILs is a nightmare, because they are those horrible patrons who complain about everything. She also likes to needle and tease people, especially my DH, and pick at you until you get angry and then will make fun of you for getting angry.

She loves our kids, though, so I try to focus on that, but I can only take her in short bits.

[Anonymous]

She's a right wing nut job. Very nice otherwise but her politics is disgusting.

[Anonymous]

Because she makes little to no effort to know what's going on in my life. We spent three hours at her house this morning. In that time we expressed interest in how her week had been, her upcoming plans, her extended family, her health, and her job. She told us all about those things and also retold several stories she's told us literally 5 times in the last 2 months, as though we had never heard them. We also made small talk about food, the weather, and politics. Not once did she turn the conversation to anything about me, even basic things like what did you do yesterday. She did ask a couple basic questions about her grandson. It's sad because we actually have a bunch of good things going on in our lives she'd probably enjoy hearing about. But we just smiled and nodded and let her talk about herself.

Really, though, it's all for the best. The few times in the last 20 years we've looped her in on anything major going on with us, she's been incredibly annoying about it and never helpful in the least. We've both accepted it and have close relationships with other people who aren't so clueless.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she makes little to no effort to know what's going on in my life. We spent three hours at her house this morning. In that time we expressed interest in how her week had been, her upcoming plans, her extended family, her health, and her job. She told us all about those things and also retold several stories she's told us literally 5 times in the last 2 months, as though we had never heard them. We also made small talk about food, the weather, and politics. Not once did she turn the conversation to anything about me, even basic things like what did you do yesterday. She did ask a couple basic questions about her grandson. It's sad because we actually have a bunch of good things going on in our lives she'd probably enjoy hearing about. But we just smiled and nodded and let her talk about herself.

Really, though, it's all for the best. The few times in the last 20 years we've looped her in on anything major going on with us, she's been incredibly annoying about it and never helpful in the least. We've both accepted it and have close relationships with other people who aren't so clueless.

X1000

Selfish MILs suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine 1) talks non stop, in circles and most of the time it's nonsense. She drives DH insane with this too btw 2) will do anything to prove me wrong regarding parenting and does things behind my back even if explicitly told not to do something when it concerns our DS and house rules 3) always acts like she wants to help with DS, but completely unreliable and always bails last minute, so we no longer ask. She acts like we don't let her help and it's so unfair; 4) treats her 2 sons very unequally and has contributed to some major family issues, but will never take responsibility. The list goes on and on. My blood pressure goes up just thinking about ILs.

+1

That is the legacy your MIL is choosing to leave - her problem, not yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because she makes little to no effort to know what's going on in my life. We spent three hours at her house this morning. In that time we expressed interest in how her week had been, her upcoming plans, her extended family, her health, and her job. She told us all about those things and also retold several stories she's told us literally 5 times in the last 2 months, as though we had never heard them. We also made small talk about food, the weather, and politics. Not once did she turn the conversation to anything about me, even basic things like what did you do yesterday. She did ask a couple basic questions about her grandson. It's sad because we actually have a bunch of good things going on in our lives she'd probably enjoy hearing about. But we just smiled and nodded and let her talk about herself.

Really, though, it's all for the best. The few times in the last 20 years we've looped her in on anything major going on with us, she's been incredibly annoying about it and never helpful in the least. We've both accepted it and have close relationships with other people who aren't so clueless.

Yikes this was all too relatable

[Anonymous]

We're just very different. I wear my heart on my sleeve, but she never talks about feelings - unless she's mad at someone. I think she's disingenuous and shallow. We had a baby that died, and while she would sometimes call my husband and ask how I was feeling, when we visited her shortly after it happened she seemed very uncomfortable when I had tears in my eyes and didn't want to talk about it. The whole family is like that. I don't feel like I can communicate with her in a meaningful way. Also, my parents are very generous and she has never offered to help us out in any way. We drive long distances to visit her, and I think she's paid for one dinner in the 4 years I've been married. She thinks it's a big deal that she buys a few extra groceries for us when we visit. On our last visit I very very politely asked her to buy some organic fruit. She completely ignored the request - and granted, we hadn't told her yet that I was pregnant (we told her when we arrived), but that should not have mattered. Also, she's a shitty cook. I feel like if you're going to be a homemaker instead of contributing to your household finances, then you should at least develop some domestic skills.

[Anonymous]

My MIL never forgave me for not being a member of her own ethnic group. She never ceases to bring it up, refers to our children as 'half breeds'. Classy lady.

[Anonymous]

Yet another MIL who cannot stop talking. Very committee to her self image as a Liberal which is dull and irritating to hear about again and again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL never forgave me for not being a member of her own ethnic group. She never ceases to bring it up, refers to our children as 'half breeds'. Classy lady.

yikes. My MIL can't forgive me for not being of her race, either. She's a lot more ruthless and tricky in what she says and does, though. We've learned to keep our distance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL never forgave me for not being a member of her own ethnic group. She never ceases to bring it up, refers to our children as 'half breeds'. Classy lady.

yikes. My MIL can't forgive me for not being of her race, either. She's a lot more ruthless and tricky in what she says and does, though. We've learned to keep our distance.

+1 Another one with the same issue. I think it's because the MIL maybe deep-down wants to see their son marrying someone that looks/acts a lot like them. In my DH's case, it was a 180. Hence, after 10 years, my MIL is still cold. She used to constantly put me down and cause drama, but I've learned to just completely not react and so it's improved a lot. We keep a lot distance from her - maybe talking 1x/month and seeing her 1-2x/year for a few days.

[Anonymous]

My MIL has been pretty cold towards me from day 1. I do think it's just her way, but the fact that 1) I don't come from money 2) I *am* from the same ethnic group, which her parents are thrilled about, irks her to no end 3) I've keep working with 2 kids and she chose to stay at home - she would probably have preferred to throw money at us, enabling my DH even more 4) I expect more from my kids in day to day behavior, keep a schedule and give them consequences when they're out of line. If my kids are lucky enough to find a life partner, I really hope I can do better. My mom and my dad's mom were really close, and I hoped to have that. And feel like I tried - and I try again in waves, since people can change as circumstances change, and we all age...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because she makes little to no effort to know what's going on in my life. We spent three hours at her house this morning. In that time we expressed interest in how her week had been, her upcoming plans, her extended family, her health, and her job. She told us all about those things and also retold several stories she's told us literally 5 times in the last 2 months, as though we had never heard them. We also made small talk about food, the weather, and politics. Not once did she turn the conversation to anything about me, even basic things like what did you do yesterday. She did ask a couple basic questions about her grandson. It's sad because we actually have a bunch of good things going on in our lives she'd probably enjoy hearing about. But we just smiled and nodded and let her talk about herself.

Really, though, it's all for the best. The few times in the last 20 years we've looped her in on anything major going on with us, she's been incredibly annoying about it and never helpful in the least. We've both accepted it and have close relationships with other people who aren't so clueless.

Yikes this was all too relatable

Agreed. My MIL has no idea what I even do at work, which agency I work for or anything about my job. I'm sure DH doesn't tell her either because he's not a phone call person. It's just strange that 100% of our conversations revolve around my inlaw's jobs. They don't even ask about dh's. They never ask about my parents either.