Help me navigate this childcare situation with my husband

[Anonymous]

Your job is cool with you rolling in an hour late multiple times in a week because your dh is an ass?

[Anonymous]

OP you are going to get fired for being late and leaving early. Then you will truly be screwed.

Since you have set work hours, it only makes sense for him to do every drop off, and you do every pickup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. No divorce is not an option, aside from all the crap that comes with it like financial and custody, I will have drop offs 5 days a week. This sleeping situation is a constant battle. I am worried that once the kids leave all he will be doing is sleeping and I will be sitting there waiting for him to wake up.

OP, what would happen if you told him, "DH, starting next week, I need you to do daycare drop off 5 days a week. I will leave for work early enough to get there on time, every day, and do pick up when I finish. The current situation is not sustainable for me, and it is not reasonable or fair to me that you as an adult with children expect to be able to stay up as late as you want and sleep in."

This is exactly what I say to him. I tell him that I will be fired, that no one is going to tolerate this, he promises to do better and then goes to bed at 3-4 am. I make 50% of our income, and have a better career potential than DH, so not working is not an option. Before kids his schedule was not an issue, but now its the main source of fights in our house. We had situations where I had a toddler and a newborn and I had a stomach flu, puking every 20 minutes, and he would not get up because he was tired. When I went into labor in the middle of the night, he was upset that he hadn't had a chance to sleep yet. It's bizarre!

You may say it, but you don't follow through, so what's the point? I'm fast losing sympathy for you

[Anonymous]

^^^and that means, you get up, get yourself only ready, and go. You are doing all the dinner/pm work so h gets the morning shift with the kids.

[Anonymous]

If his schedule is flexible, he needs to do ALL the drop offs, and you do all the pick ups. THE END.

what you can do is pack the lunches at nite, get the kids ready in the morning and dressed, and wake his ass up. all he has to do is,drive thats it.

[Anonymous]

2 WOH parents plus 2 young kids means your family needs 2 functioning adults. Sit down and tweak the current pickup / dropoff if you need too (maybe you can drop off on his WAH day, and work later snd he can pickup?). The stick to the schedule. He drops off in the am? Do your part to get the kids up, dressed and fed (whatever that is), then walk out the door on time (without the kids). Period. Unless he has a great excuse (actively vomitting comes to mind), you answer pleas to handle the morning drop off by saying, basically, #SorryNotSorry. I can't be late to work today. Then kiss the kids and leave.

Also-- there is no reason for you to do all cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. once again: you need 2 participating adults. In our house, DH cooks, I do laundry and the cleaner comes every other week. Plus lots of smaller stuff that gets divided based on our schedules and preferences. YMMV, but the final outcome should not be you doing it all.

[Anonymous]

And WTF is he up till 3-4am??? I am a night owl myself but that is absurdly dysfunctional. This needs to be addressed. If he cannot learn to go to bed by 12 or even 1, he can reap the consequences of job loss, not you. is he on amphetamines? painkillers? coffee too late? All these things can keep you up late. maybe he is hooked on his smartphone late - set an alarm on his phone so at 12am he knows to shut it off. or get counseling to get to the root of his insomnia.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And WTF is he up till 3-4am??? I am a night owl myself but that is absurdly dysfunctional. This needs to be addressed. If he cannot learn to go to bed by 12 or even 1, he can reap the consequences of job loss, not you. is he on amphetamines? painkillers? coffee too late? All these things can keep you up late. maybe he is hooked on his smartphone late - set an alarm on his phone so at 12am he knows to shut it off. or get counseling to get to the root of his insomnia.

and let me emphasize, if nothing else works, you just LEAVE for work everyday. If he sleeps in and gets into trouble at work, maybe that will make him change his behavior and grow the F up.

[Anonymous]

Sorry to say OP, but with a DH like this, you EXTRA have to protect your own job and earning potential. You just have to be ruthless about putting your own job first. Don't let him drag you down.

[Anonymous]

OP: Here's what you gotta do. You gotta get him addicted to coffee in the morning. So you start brewing a pot of coffee really early, the gourmet stuff, not that Taster's Choice freeze dried shit.

You have to hook him on the morning coffee. This might take a while. But--once he is hooked on it--he will not be able to stay asleep in the morning, especially if he can smell the coffee brewing. His body will force him to wake up to ingest his morning caffeine. Once he's had a couple of cups of coffee he will be amped for the morning.

It works, trust me. Of course I have a horrible sleep disorder but one thing I don't do is sleep late, pretty much no matter how late I stay up at night.

[Anonymous]

I had a retired woman relative who loved children. She supplemented her retirement income with under the table cash and worked as "morning" and "afternoon" child caretaker in a home. She got the kids to school and then got them home in the afternoon. It worked really well and she was trustworthy.

[Anonymous]

OP, unless you're worried about him leaving the kid home alone (in which case you have more serious problems), everyone has already given you the answer. JUST LEAVE when you need to go (or earlier). Tell him that this is how it is from now on and then FOLLOW THROUGH on your word!

If kids are really little, put them in the same room as your husband.

[Anonymous]

Have you considered a nanny? Not only will drop off & pick up be taken care of, so will the kid's laundry, clean-up, and organization. She may also run errands for your family. This may be the healthiest way for your family to move through the next few years.