Help me navigate this childcare situation with my husband
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Anonymous
| We both WOH. I have a 20 minute commute, he has an 1 hr commute. We have 2 kids who need to be dropped off in two different places. I have to be at work at 8 am and stay there at least till 4. His schedule is flexible. He works from home once a week. I do all evening pick ups, activities, house work, etc. he come home around 730-8 pm. He only agrees to drop off the kids three times a week, and on many occasions begs me to take them because he stayed up too late Watching tv. When I take them I am at least 1 hr late to work but I have to leave on time or early to get the kids. We make the same amount of money. I don't have an option of staying home or working part time. Daycare is on his way to work. Today we had an explosive fight because he refused to drive one of the kids,the other kid stayed home today. He was too tired to get up at 730. I ended up driving the kid to daycare. Being late to work is quite frankly embarrassing. We had so many conversation about this I can't take it anymore. Should I just lineal out of the house before he wakes up and go to work. I don't know how to get him to get his act together! |
Anonymous
| This probably isn't helpful, but I'd leave earlier and only take the kid that doesn't go to daycare on his way to work. Get that kid in the car, put the other in bed with him, and leave. |
Anonymous
| I think I would start leaving the house in the morning before he gets up. Sit at a coffee shop or go work out and get to work with time to spare. |
Anonymous
| You need to find a daycare closer to your job. Or he finds a job closer to home. |
Anonymous
| Ugh, my only advice is the system should be the same every week. So he always does M/W/F or whatever. That way you can both plan ahead. |
Anonymous
| My DH and had some similar scheduling challenges, and there were valid reasons why both of us felt like we should be doing less pickup/drop offs. What helped is to stop thinking about what is 'fair' and think about what maximizes our time at home as a family. So we did a big spreadsheet with the various different options- and how much that added onto each of our commutes- and came up with the result that had us all at home the most. |
Anonymous
| My husband and I have the same schedule, every day, every week. We decided that he would do drop off (he has to leave the house earlier than I do) and I would do pick up (I finish work earlier than he does). Its the same every day, unless one of us has to work late, work early, travel for work, etc. That way, drop off/pick up become part of our daily routines. DH also tends to stay up later than he should watching TV, but daycare dropoff is always his duty, whether he is tired or not. |
Anonymous
| Yes, you just start leaving the house at 7am when you need to get to work. Then he deals with the fallout of being late. He should do all the dropoffs if you are doing all the pickups. The end. |
Anonymous
Heh. I might pull that too. But really, he needs to grow up and go to bed--and you guys need a firm agreement between you that he takes that kid every day, no excuses, because you don't want to get fired |
Anonymous
+1. I wouldn't put up with that crap for 2 seconds, OP. How old is he, 12? |
Anonymous
+1 DH here, and I do all the pickups and drop-offs, because of our logistics (what is most reasonable for each of us to do with our job constraints). Your job constraint (8AM arrival) makes dropoffs impossible from what you say. Sleeping too late isn't an acceptable reason. |
Anonymous
| It's hard to feel sympathetic about his need to sleep in after binge watching Netflix. |
Anonymous
This is a continuous battle. I basically solo parent on the weekends because he is sleeping. I have tried asking, begging, yelling, enticing, ultimatums, you name it. Yes he is like a teenager, I live with a teenager, and consequently, I treat him as one. I don't know what to do, I am in a constant state of anger and resentment for having to drag him out of bed. UGH |
Anonymous
| Counseling. Threaten divorce. His behavior is unacceptable. |
Anonymous
Nobody knows what goes on in other people's marriages, but my SIL just got divorced for basically this reason as far as we can tell. I wonder if your husband is depressed? This period - two very small children - is the hardest, and I remember my sister threatening divorce many times during this period (it started to fade when the two kids both got on the bus in the AM to go to school). But for my SIL it kind of sounded like she was already single-parenting so jettisoning the adult teenager just made life less stressful. |