This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax

[Anonymous]

PP, step mom signed up for the existing family.

If she (or you) did not want the responsibility of step children then she (and you) should have chosen a man without children.

The kids are part of the package.

Their inheritance from dead mom is not and to think otherwise is greedy and selfish

[Anonymous]

The fact that you see the life insurance money from their mom's desth as a "financial gain" that should be "shared" with step mom speaks volumes about your character or lack there of.

[Anonymous]

The kids are already teenagers -- so the youngest is at a minimum thirteen, and 9th graders are generally 14. So at least one of the kids is in high school already, odds are that both are. This means the stepmom only has a few years of this left before the kids (most likely) both leave home and go to college.

You asked above, "Why would anyone ever marry in to that type of situation." The answer, one presumes, is that it's because the stepmom loves the dad and hopefully even also the teenage girls. Shouldn't that be the reason someone gets married, and not financial gain?

I don't know any teenagers who are happy in their high school situations who would want to be moved to a different high school. To me this would be particularly true if the school was providing a stable environment surrounded with friends from childhood following a traumatic event like the death of a parent. Those kids have already been through plenty. Don't make them leave their friends in the middle of high school and make their way at a public school when the dead mom made sure the resources were there for them to stay.

Shame! Shame! Shame!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ It is NOT being treated like a second class citizen to save the mother's estate for her actualy children that she created the estate for.

Nor is it being treated like a second class citizen for the step mom to not be allowed to spend her husband's children's inheritance on a big fancy house in Chevy Cahse or similarly overpriced neighborhood for herself and her own potential future children.

You probably need to do a values reassessment stepmom if you feel so passionately that this money is your money to spend.

Fancy is relative and it was not stated in the article. To me, 2500 square foot would be big and fancy. And, the house I grew up in in C.C. was not a huge mansion. It was a very small house.

Stepmom has a right to have children as dad probably agreed to it upon marriage, especially if she is raising his kids. They may need a bigger house to have more kids or kids are going to have to share.

LOL. Stepmom has totally found this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You don't think the mom's estate should be used to pay for her own children's daily expenses? To pay for their food, camps, and the like?

No. Daily expenses should come out of Dad's current income. Stepmom knew when she married him that he had those expenses. She shouldn't have married him if she thinks that money he spends on his children is somehow "hers" and he's taking it away from her.

Their marital income is theirs, not "his." So, to sum it up, marital assets earned by both dad and stepmom should be used for housing, lifestyle, etc. Of husband, stepmom and dad's two kids. Stepmom's income should go toward mortgage got house exactly sized for her two kids with dad, so she should be spending more than she would for housing for two adults. Stepmother should share equally in all the financial expenses of raising his daughters, including lower retirement savings and other savings gif her and her husband due to these expenses. But, if there is a financial benefit, that should be reserved solely for the two daughters' well being? So step mom takes on all financial responsibilities, but the benefits go solely to pre-existing kids? That's way beyond "marrying into an existing family," that's getting screwed!

If stepmom feels like she is getting screwed in this scenario, there is nothing that says she has to stay in the marriage, is there?

[Anonymous]

Most men suck and hand their balls over to the new wife. At least this dad still has a pair. This is why I have a trust for my dcs that will be administered by my brother if I die. My ex has already shown that his gf comes before our dcs and hell if I will allow him to spend any money I designate for their welfare on anyone else. If there is any way to haunt someone after you die, I would have them scared out of their minds and begging my ghost to leave them alone if they tried that crap.

[Anonymous]

Why is bigger house needed? Step kids are teens and off to college by the time any baby turns 2. Baby can sleep in parents' room until 2 - probably what stepmom wants anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^ It is NOT being treated like a second class citizen to save the mother's estate for her actualy children that she created the estate for.

Nor is it being treated like a second class citizen for the step mom to not be allowed to spend her husband's children's inheritance on a big fancy house in Chevy Cahse or similarly overpriced neighborhood for herself and her own potential future children.

You probably need to do a values reassessment stepmom if you feel so passionately that this money is your money to spend.

Fancy is relative and it was not stated in the article. To me, 2500 square foot would be big and fancy. And, the house I grew up in in C.C. was not a huge mansion. It was a very small house.

Stepmom has a right to have children as dad probably agreed to it upon marriage, especially if she is raising his kids. They may need a bigger house to have more kids or kids are going to have to share.

LOL. Stepmom has totally found this thread.

Hehehe! I think you are correct

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is bigger house needed? Step kids are teens and off to college by the time any baby turns 2. Baby can sleep in parents' room until 2 - probably what stepmom wants anyway.

So, where do the kids stay when they come home for breaks and summers? That is horrible to give the bedrooms away and they have no place to return to. They need a bigger house or kids have to share rooms.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These girls are teens. Stepmonster can wait 4 years for them to finish at their HS before she moves into her Barbie Dream House and has her own babies.

The dad needs to set aside that money for college, wedding and/or a future nest egg for the girls.

If mom designated her life insurance policy for her daughters then all of it needs to go to them. Every last dime.

Stepmonster is not entitled to any of it.

For all future people in similar situations - go to an estate attorney and have trusts set up.
Pick a trust worthy executor and make sure the attorney is a good one and documents all of your wishes so he/she can uphold them after you are gone.
Worth every penny.

And pathetic of dad to remarry when he still had kids in the house.
Just pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
You don't think the mom's estate should be used to pay for her own children's daily expenses? To pay for their food, camps, and the like?

No. Daily expenses should come out of Dad's current income. Stepmom knew when she married him that he had those expenses. She shouldn't have married him if she thinks that money he spends on his children is somehow "hers" and he's taking it away from her.

Their marital income is theirs, not "his." So, to sum it up, marital assets earned by both dad and stepmom should be used for housing, lifestyle, etc. Of husband, stepmom and dad's two kids. Stepmom's income should go toward mortgage got house exactly sized for her two kids with dad, so she should be spending more than she would for housing for two adults. Stepmother should share equally in all the financial expenses of raising his daughters, including lower retirement savings and other savings gif her and her husband due to these expenses. But, if there is a financial benefit, that should be reserved solely for the two daughters' well being? So step mom takes on all financial responsibilities, but the benefits go solely to pre-existing kids? That's way beyond "marrying into an existing family," that's getting screwed!

If stepmom feels like she is getting screwed in this scenario, there is nothing that says she has to stay in the marriage, is there?

Problem is she'll go and try to take everything with her.

Dad - get out before new children are made!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is bigger house needed? Step kids are teens and off to college by the time any baby turns 2. Baby can sleep in parents' room until 2 - probably what stepmom wants anyway.

So, where do the kids stay when they come home for breaks and summers? That is horrible to give the bedrooms away and they have no place to return to. They need a bigger house or kids have to share rooms.

This does not matter - stop trying to manipulate.
Odds are these girls don't come home for breaks with step monster living there. And if they do, sharing a bedroom is not a big deal.
It's the parents house, not the girls. An education is theirs forever.
Stop manipulating!!!

Dads an idiot to put his family through this!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:These girls are teens. Stepmonster can wait 4 years for them to finish at their HS before she moves into her Barbie Dream House and has her own babies.

The dad needs to set aside that money for college, wedding and/or a future nest egg for the girls.

If mom designated her life insurance policy for her daughters then all of it needs to go to them. Every last dime.

Stepmonster is not entitled to any of it.

For all future people in similar situations - go to an estate attorney and have trusts set up.
Pick a trust worthy executor and make sure the attorney is a good one and documents all of your wishes so he/she can uphold them after you are gone.
Worth every penny.

this, this, this!

[Anonymous]

Those girls are never coming home to visit with step monster there.

What an awful thing - girls probably didn't even have time to grieve for their mother before monster moved in.

Dad - you suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those girls are never coming home to visit with step monster there.

What an awful thing - girls probably didn't even have time to grieve for their mother before monster moved in.

Dad - you suck.

+1

Don't know why the Dad is getting a pass here. If he wanted to remarry, he needed to find someone who would embrace joining the existing family and shared the existing values, eg the value of a private education. Falling in love is simply not enough in this type of situation. Why did he remarry someone who clearly does not share his interest in his daughters?

A colleague of mine married someone with a child for whom he had partial custody and she would complain constantly about his time away from her for doing things like being a boy scout leader and going to weekend camp outs with his son instead of spending the time with her.

I blame him for marrying someone who was so uninterested in his son and who had so much antipathy towards him. Not that she was a gem of a stepmom.