This stepmonster gem from Carolyn Hax

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would be deeply offended if my spouse did not name me as the trustee and executor of the trust/estate. Basically that says "you suck and I don't trust you to do the best for our children after I die". Why are you even married to a person for whom that is true?

No, it says, I recognize you will have different pressures and interests on you after I die. I am setting this up so you can be sheltered from that and someone else can help with this duty while you focus on your and the kids' daily life."

If I were the Dad in the Hax column, I'd be grateful to be able to say that I had no control over the money and that others determined what it could be used for. Stepmom basically would have to stop nagging the dad about it.

I agree with this. My fiancé and I won't have bio kids together for medical reasons. We each have former spouses, I have two daughters, and he has a stepson he has raised. Neither of us make a lot of money and we live modestly, but all five of us are impacted by financing the children's educations. We currently have a new college grad whose dad only paid part of one semester, a current undergrad whose mom pays R&B only, and a grade schooler on partial scholarship at a private school. Financial aid season has been very stressful for us, but we have ever asked each other to shift money from one child to another, even to get over an emergency hump. You don't shortchange the kids to meet adult responsibilities or desires.