What do people mean when they say, 'He's all boy'?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

Talking to a neighbor today, he said his son is "all boy" several times. Like, oh he likes to kick that ball...he's all boy! He likes to play in that toy car...he's all boy! He likes to find sticks...HESALLBOY!!!!

The oddest part is, my DD was right there, doing all these things, too. The kids were playing together, doing pretty much the exact same things.

So what do people mean when they say that? Do you fear that a princess costume will overtake your son in a dark ally if you don't utter that phrase every time Little Jimmy plays with Hotwheels?

They are trying to express their pride and relief that he's behaving in a stereotypical masculine manner, which suggests he won't grow up to be a gay.

This. Trucks, sports, etc., suggest to nervous moms that their son won't be gay. And that makes them happy.

I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I've often wondered if one of my "all boy" sons is gay. It would not bother me at all if he is. For me, I was surprised that boys behave from a very young age in stereotypical "all boy" ways without being taught or coerced into doing it. I always thought gender was a social construction. Wrong. I've learned a lot about people by becoming a parent. If I had a daughter, I would totally support any pink or princess item she wanted to focus on -- unlike my feminist parents, who convinced me that anything to do with being a girl was ipso facto inferior to all things boy....

I see what your saying but like OP I've had the experience where my daughter has been playing with a friend who is a boy doing the exact same things and the mom will remark that her son is all boy. It doesn't offend me at all, clearly just a mom taking joy in a child's personality. But I don't see those aspects of my daughter's personality as being "boyish" --more like curious, adventurous, etc.

Probably because the boy plays that way ALL. DAY. LONG. Not just at that moment, while you two are watching.

So does my girl. And my boy is a daisy picker.

Yeah, not all boys plays with trucks all day long. I have two boys and a girl, and I feel like many moms of boys, particularly only boys, make these kinds of comments and assume that ALL boys are this way because theirs is. Gender is absolutely a social construction, with some biological differences, of course, but people who attribute everything to gender differences drive me up a goddamn wall. It's so tiresome. The moms who wonder what girls do are my personal favorite; you're a female, WTH do YOU do all day long? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How can you not know what this means???

There's five pages of dialogues with various reasons presented, even by parents of boys who use the phrase. So looks like there's no one answer.

How do YOU not get that"???"

The various reasons are all extremely similar.

[Anonymous]

it is a stupid expression and always makes me think less of the parents and feel sorry for the son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

Talking to a neighbor today, he said his son is "all boy" several times. Like, oh he likes to kick that ball...he's all boy! He likes to play in that toy car...he's all boy! He likes to find sticks...HESALLBOY!!!!

The oddest part is, my DD was right there, doing all these things, too. The kids were playing together, doing pretty much the exact same things.

So what do people mean when they say that? Do you fear that a princess costume will overtake your son in a dark ally if you don't utter that phrase every time Little Jimmy plays with Hotwheels?

They are trying to express their pride and relief that he's behaving in a stereotypical masculine manner, which suggests he won't grow up to be a gay.

This. Trucks, sports, etc., suggest to nervous moms that their son won't be gay. And that makes them happy.

I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I've often wondered if one of my "all boy" sons is gay. It would not bother me at all if he is. For me, I was surprised that boys behave from a very young age in stereotypical "all boy" ways without being taught or coerced into doing it. I always thought gender was a social construction. Wrong. I've learned a lot about people by becoming a parent. If I had a daughter, I would totally support any pink or princess item she wanted to focus on -- unlike my feminist parents, who convinced me that anything to do with being a girl was ipso facto inferior to all things boy....

I see what your saying but like OP I've had the experience where my daughter has been playing with a friend who is a boy doing the exact same things and the mom will remark that her son is all boy. It doesn't offend me at all, clearly just a mom taking joy in a child's personality. But I don't see those aspects of my daughter's personality as being "boyish" --more like curious, adventurous, etc.

Probably because the boy plays that way ALL. DAY. LONG. Not just at that moment, while you two are watching.

Really? "All day long?" No books? No coloring? No cuddling before bed? No petting a dog or a cat? No cuddling during a TV show? Just all shouting and cars and tackling, all day long? Really?

OK, it's a waste of time to try to convince you that some boys are stereotypical boys, most of the time, minus some cuddling and reading. (Sorry, no interest in coloring, something I did ALL DAY LONG as a girl growing up.) Also no dressing dolls etc. Sorry you can't accept that some boys are on the end of the masculine scale just as some girls are on the end of the feminine scale. They do actually exist, even though most of us fall somewhere in between.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With sensitivity comes pain. People hate pain more than anything. If you don't have pain , you aren't sensitive or aware.

I really like this post. I don't see how it fits in with the thread, but I really like it.

Being all boy means burying sensitivity and avoiding almost permanent pain.

But that's where you're wrong!!! Boys don't bury their pain -- they don't care about the same things. They don't feel pain over things girls do (or I guess I should say, me or me as a girl growing up felt). They just don't. That's why we have guns. That's why we have violent video games. That's also why we have competitive sports like boxing and wrestling. THEY LIKE IT. They like fighting. I like living in peace with my fellow humans. It bothers me to fight. Doesn't bother them at all.

Out of curiosity, are you the "world without men" poster?

[Anonymous]

This is among the stupidest of all phrases uttered by parents. The types to say this are the type to call themselves MAMA BEAR and have Pinterest boards with quotes about MOTHERS OF BOYS...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:With sensitivity comes pain. People hate pain more than anything. If you don't have pain , you aren't sensitive or aware.

I really like this post. I don't see how it fits in with the thread, but I really like it.

Being all boy means burying sensitivity and avoiding almost permanent pain.

But that's where you're wrong!!! Boys don't bury their pain -- they don't care about the same things. They don't feel pain over things girls do (or I guess I should say, me or me as a girl growing up felt). They just don't. That's why we have guns. That's why we have violent video games. That's also why we have competitive sports like boxing and wrestling. THEY LIKE IT. They like fighting. I like living in peace with my fellow humans. It bothers me to fight. Doesn't bother them at all.

Out of curiosity, are you the "world without men" poster?

Uh, I don't know what that refers to, so -- no. I love men and I love my "all boy" sons, who surprised me by being the way they are -- which happens to be very different from the way I was as a girl. I like all different kinds of people. My boys happen to be very "boyish" which comes from them, not from my parenting. I had to learn to stop assuming they were not enjoying things like fighting, because I myself would not have enjoyed that as a girl. They are fine with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just...what?

Talking to a neighbor today, he said his son is "all boy" several times. Like, oh he likes to kick that ball...he's all boy! He likes to play in that toy car...he's all boy! He likes to find sticks...HESALLBOY!!!!

The oddest part is, my DD was right there, doing all these things, too. The kids were playing together, doing pretty much the exact same things.

So what do people mean when they say that? Do you fear that a princess costume will overtake your son in a dark ally if you don't utter that phrase every time Little Jimmy plays with Hotwheels?

They are trying to express their pride and relief that he's behaving in a stereotypical masculine manner, which suggests he won't grow up to be a gay.

This. Trucks, sports, etc., suggest to nervous moms that their son won't be gay. And that makes them happy.

I don't feel that way at all. In fact, I've often wondered if one of my "all boy" sons is gay. It would not bother me at all if he is. For me, I was surprised that boys behave from a very young age in stereotypical "all boy" ways without being taught or coerced into doing it. I always thought gender was a social construction. Wrong. I've learned a lot about people by becoming a parent. If I had a daughter, I would totally support any pink or princess item she wanted to focus on -- unlike my feminist parents, who convinced me that anything to do with being a girl was ipso facto inferior to all things boy....

I see what your saying but like OP I've had the experience where my daughter has been playing with a friend who is a boy doing the exact same things and the mom will remark that her son is all boy. It doesn't offend me at all, clearly just a mom taking joy in a child's personality. But I don't see those aspects of my daughter's personality as being "boyish" --more like curious, adventurous, etc.

Probably because the boy plays that way ALL. DAY. LONG. Not just at that moment, while you two are watching.

So does my girl. And my boy is a daisy picker.

Yeah, not all boys plays with trucks all day long. I have two boys and a girl, and I feel like many moms of boys, particularly only boys, make these kinds of comments and assume that ALL boys are this way because theirs is. Gender is absolutely a social construction, with some biological differences, of course, but people who attribute everything to gender differences drive me up a goddamn wall. It's so tiresome. The moms who wonder what girls do are my personal favorite; you're a female, WTH do YOU do all day long? Good grief.

Of course not all boys play with trucks all day long! Some don't play with trucks AT ALL. Those boys are not referred to as "all boy" now are they? All boy, as in 100 %, majority of the time. Some boys are like that. Some are not. It takes all kind of men, women, boys and girls to make the world go 'round. There is -- or should be -- a place for all different people int he world. Some of those people are boys who are stereotypically boyish, most of the time. I don't see why you find that impossible to accept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It means they are mostly into stereotypical boy activities and likely have a ton of energy.

This. Nothing to get offended over.

+2. People say it about my son all the time, and I've actually said it too. The above is what everybody mean. No big whoop. I do not understand the umbrage.

No, they mean he's badly behaved, but are too polite to tell you straight out. You're either to slow to get it or in denial.

[Anonymous]

Let's just be clear that regardless of whether your son exhibits stereotypical male behaviors, when you use this phrase, people perceive you as stupid and/or annoying.

[Anonymous]

Of course we believe there are children who are temperamentally like this "ALL DAY LONG." However-there are girls and boys who have this type of personality/activity level. And girls who are like this are by no means so rare as to be some strange exception. And clearly many if not most boys do not fit that behavior type. Thus, I find "he's all boy" not offensive but puzzling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let's just be clear that regardless of whether your son exhibits stereotypical male behaviors, when you use this phrase, people perceive you as stupid and/or annoying.

Well, some people do -- apparently the ones who do not have stereotypical boys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is among the stupidest of all phrases uttered by parents. The types to say this are the type to call themselves MAMA BEAR and have Pinterest boards with quotes about MOTHERS OF BOYS...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is among the stupidest of all phrases uttered by parents. The types to say this are the type to call themselves MAMA BEAR and have Pinterest boards with quotes about MOTHERS OF BOYS...

They are insecure.

[Anonymous]

In our 9 year old daughter's ballet class, there is one boy -- possibly the only boy in the school. His mother repeats this mantra: "He's a very athletic boy and we just want to make sure he develops all aspects of his capabilities."