What to do about sleepovers for bisexual/gay teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't pay any attention to this bisexual nonsense from a high school girl. It's the latest cool phase to go through these days.

People have been saying this for decades. Saying it over and over does not make it true.

Absolutely false. What is new now -- and I mean within the last 5 - 10 years, most likely since you were in high school -- is the fadness and trendiness of being bi, gay, transexual, transgendered and anything else you can think of. The in-your-faceness of it is completely new. The stand up and announce! Proclaim! is new. THAT is what is making so many of these kids experiment, to their own eventual detriment. Which of course is the intent.

I'm bi. It must be a 30 year phase. I've been out for 20 years, which is actually challenging. Straight people and gay/lesbians don't take bisexuality seriously. So, please spare me what you think you know is cool or acceptable. I've been on that road for a long time.

[Anonymous]

Tween/teen/str8/gay/bi/pan sexual experimentation will always happen regardless of what lengths parent go. I'm straight. Always have been but will always have fond memories of FF experimentation when I was 13. It was an entire summer of sleepovers with my best friend.

[Anonymous]

"No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened. "

My 16 y.o. daughter came out last year. My initial thoughts were the same... "You haven't even had a real kiss yet. You have no idea what you want." Then I put myself in her shoes. As a young boy, even pre- Junior High, I LOVED girls. There was never a time when that was even a question! So, yeah, I think at 14 or 16 you have a pretty good idea of who you are attracted to and who you are not.

[Anonymous]

This "being gay/bi/etc is trendy" nonsense has been going on since I was in HS in the early 00s. And definitely a reason it took me until I was 22 and a lot of emotional turmoil to come out to myself and be ok with being queer. I was so worried I wasn't "really" queer and that all girls find other girls beautiful and want to kiss them etc.

[Anonymous]

Is LGBT becoming more of a trend?

Yes and No

People always have been LGBT. It’s as simple as that. In fact, there are even animal species that are gay and bisexual.

So no, people's gender identities and sexuality aren't a trend or a fad. They have always been there. However, with more and more connected and accepting communities out there, being openly LGBT has become increasingly popular. People feel more comfortable coming out, and they are more accepted.

So yes, it is a “trend”, but also it isn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. No sleepovers. Same rules you would have if she were a he.

Same here. Especially if she's already declared they are in a relationship

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened. "

My 16 y.o. daughter came out last year. My initial thoughts were the same... "You haven't even had a real kiss yet. You have no idea what you want." Then I put myself in her shoes. As a young boy, even pre- Junior High, I LOVED girls. There was never a time when that was even a question! So, yeah, I think at 14 or 16 you have a pretty good idea of who you are attracted to and who you are not.

So nothing has changed in your world view or thinking since you were 16? Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened. "

My 16 y.o. daughter came out last year. My initial thoughts were the same... "You haven't even had a real kiss yet. You have no idea what you want." Then I put myself in her shoes. As a young boy, even pre- Junior High, I LOVED girls. There was never a time when that was even a question! So, yeah, I think at 14 or 16 you have a pretty good idea of who you are attracted to and who you are not.

So nothing has changed in your world view or thinking since you were 16? Interesting.

You didn't know what gender you preferred at 16? I think most people have some idea of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened. "

My 16 y.o. daughter came out last year. My initial thoughts were the same... "You haven't even had a real kiss yet. You have no idea what you want." Then I put myself in her shoes. As a young boy, even pre- Junior High, I LOVED girls. There was never a time when that was even a question! So, yeah, I think at 14 or 16 you have a pretty good idea of who you are attracted to and who you are not.

So nothing has changed in your world view or thinking since you were 16? Interesting.

You didn't know what gender you preferred at 16? I think most people have some idea of it.

I must have been precocious....at 13, I was 100% certain I was straight. No doubts. Why, if the child has a different answer than straight, do we assume they will grow out of it, but if the answer is straight, we assume they know? I will tell you why: homophobia

[Anonymous]

I don't see how you could let general sleepovers, but not with the romantic interest... romantic interests change all the time...you'd never know...

Could you say you'll let the sleepovers continue, but with beds /sleeping bags far apart and the door stays open all night?

Frankly, I think I'd say 'no sleepovers, period' but if you're reluctant to do that, setting some ground rules like this may be the way to go?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Word ^^. It really is a trend these days. Dont pay too much attention to this nonsense.

Did you both know your were straight at 14? It is bizarre that you think 14 yo's dont know who they are attracted to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened. "

My 16 y.o. daughter came out last year. My initial thoughts were the same... "You haven't even had a real kiss yet. You have no idea what you want." Then I put myself in her shoes. As a young boy, even pre- Junior High, I LOVED girls. There was never a time when that was even a question! So, yeah, I think at 14 or 16 you have a pretty good idea of who you are attracted to and who you are not.

So nothing has changed in your world view or thinking since you were 16? Interesting.

You didn't know what gender you preferred at 16? I think most people have some idea of it.

I must have been precocious....at 13, I was 100% certain I was straight. No doubts. Why, if the child has a different answer than straight, do we assume they will grow out of it, but if the answer is straight, we assume they know? I will tell you why: homophobia

Pretty much this. I've known I was straight my whole life - never the slightest question. Nothing against men, but but they are not at all interesting to me sexually. Gay guys that I've talked to are the same way --- always interested in men since they could remember. I assume bi people have always been interested in both. This is not really that hard.

[Anonymous]

Honestly, the biggest fear of a boy sleeping over would probably be that my daughter would get pregnant. With another girl, that fear is removed. So I wouldn't be too bothered by a girl sleeping over, even if they were in a "romantic" relationship. I know people will squawk about STIs, but I really don't think 14 year old girls, particularly of a lesbian bent, are cesspools of infection. The risk just seems vanishingly small to me. The only real drawback I can see is that a sexual component to a relationship ups the intensity, and can cause heartbreak when the relationship ends. But that's life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly, the biggest fear of a boy sleeping over would probably be that my daughter would get pregnant. With another girl, that fear is removed. So I wouldn't be too bothered by a girl sleeping over, even if they were in a "romantic" relationship. I know people will squawk about STIs, but I really don't think 14 year old girls, particularly of a lesbian bent, are cesspools of infection. The risk just seems vanishingly small to me. The only real drawback I can see is that a sexual component to a relationship ups the intensity, and can cause heartbreak when the relationship ends. But that's life.

+1