What to do about sleepovers for bisexual/gay teens?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

You cannot as big of a dolt as you sound, are you? OF COURSE they can have a clue. I knew I was not gay and I didn't need to try it out to say so.

As for the sleepovers, the same rule would apply to the girlfriend as would apply to a boyfriend. No sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't pay any attention to this bisexual nonsense from a high school girl. It's the latest cool phase to go through these days.

People have been saying this for decades. Saying it over and over does not make it true.

Absolutely false. What is new now -- and I mean within the last 5 - 10 years, most likely since you were in high school -- is the fadness and trendiness of being bi, gay, transexual, transgendered and anything else you can think of. The in-your-faceness of it is completely new. The stand up and announce! Proclaim! is new. THAT is what is making so many of these kids experiment, to their own eventual detriment. Which of course is the intent.

Who cares what they do or what they experiment? Honestly, who cares! It doesn't change them. Detriment???

I would care and of course, sexual/ intimate/ love relationships change them. Are you really that dense that you don't know that? I'm sincerely hoping you're not a parent IRL.

Sorry to disappoint but I am a mom to four, 2 teens and 2 younger. 1 teen is bisexual. She is loved, happy and thriving. The other is hetero. Loved, happy and thriving. Both are in simple relationships. I don't treat consensual teen relationships as detrimental. I think it a part of growing up, maturing and learning. I am happy they trust in me to talk about their relationships.

and once they go off to college, I hope they value their body and treat themselves and others with respect no matter if it is a boy or a girl. And if they have sex to practice safe sex. And if they ever have questions, concerns, or just need a shoulder, I want them to know I will forever love them and NEVER judge them.

But yes, I must be dense to someone as ignorant as yourself.

You would NEVER judge your children. Even if they do something morally wrong? Wow. That explains a lot.

Being bisexual or gay is not morally wrong except for you and a shrinking group of catholic bigots. They way you spew hatred and demean others who don't share in your opinion is morally wrong. You are teaching your kids hate.

[Anonymous]

OP, once they have a boyfriend or girlfriend, no sleepovers, left alone in house or closed doors

That's it. Very simple. Sorry you have to go thru pages of hate and unwanted opinions. You are being a wonderful mom to your child. She is lucky to have you.

[Anonymous]

^^I should have clarified that girls that are just friends with her can absolutely sleepover.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Word ^^. It really is a trend these days. Dont pay too much attention to this nonsense.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Word ^^. It really is a trend these days. Dont pay too much attention to this nonsense.

+1

When you were in high school (ages 14) did you know whether you were attracted to boys or girls? Or maybe even both? Everyone does. Some may stay in the closet until they are more comfortable but EVERYONE knows. No one is unsure or thinks they have to put out sexually to decide. That the stupidest thing I have ever heard. The reason you all think this is a trend is because most teens are inclusive and are okay with the LGBT community. So if a girl is curious, why not? She won't be shamed. I know MANY MANY girls in college who were all over other girls, had lesbian flings, threesomes etc... This was over 30 years ago. There is no trend. It is just more open because more and more people are tolerant of it these days.

[Anonymous]

Is it a trend with boys? Do you really think a young teen or older preteen boy would say he is bisexual or gay or even that he might be if he weren't?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nope. No sleepovers. Same rules you would have if she were a he.

This. They will definitley be having oral sex of you allow sleepovers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

I don't know where you are from, but it was cool to be gay or bi when I was in high school 20 years ago.

Same here! In North Carolina where I went to high school! All of my friends were bi and only a couple were gay. Mostly girls. Don't think I knew any bi guys, but definitely gay guys. Only one of my bi girlfriends stayed that way, the rest turned back to being straight.

[Anonymous]

Is it cool for boys to say they are bi or gay?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not let her have the sleepover but discuss in advance that no sexual activity of any kind is allowed and the girls must sleep separately. Why should they be denied the fun of a sleepover, which is mainly talking into the night, watching movies, and eating snacks. Make it a matter of trust.

I'm shocked at how many of you are perfectly okay with a bi DD having other girls spend the night - romantic interests or not. How in the world is that different than having a boy spend the night at your straight DD's house?? Sure, tell them no sexual activity. That will stop them. And I'll let my 14yo dd have a boy come over for a sleepover, but make sure I tell them absolutely no sexual activity! They definitely won't. Even when they're 16... because I discussed it with them prior! You guys are unreal. Regardless of whether I trust my daughter, it's called not putting your CHILD -- the person you are bound to PROTECT -- in a position that can lead to a bad situation. If you remember, sex can lead to STDs, pregnancy, etc. Let's not even bring up rape or abuse from that 15yo boy who knows your DD is "bi" and decides to take advantage of her b/c her clueless mother let's her have sleepovers with whomever she wants. Ugh, you all disgust me. Stop all this PC crap and protect your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is it a trend with boys? Do you really think a young teen or older preteen boy would say he is bisexual or gay or even that he might be if he weren't?

Thankfully, no, and that's a good point. I do think most teen boys are a little sturdier in their self-worth about this kind of thing. Plus, once you get the reputation of being a gay guy, it's hard to go back.

[Anonymous]

I think the answer is no sleepovers where the kids sleep in the same room. If you have a guest room or something, maybe let them hang out, but separate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So my 14 year old recently came out as bisexual. I have that part under control - it really wasn't a big deal, we were able to tell her we love & accept her no matter what, etc. She also told us she was in a relationship with someone we previous thought was "just a friend." Again, not a big deal, we know & like the other girl, and they are both the right age for first "special friendships," whether with a male or female. The part I'm stumped on is how to handle sleepovers from here on out. Prior to this, she has both had sleepovers at other girls' homes and had girls over here, including with the "girlfriend." We supervise, are in and out of the rooms where they are, but are not in the room 100% of the time. I certainly wouldn't be letting a teenage girl have a sleepover with a boy, but how do I handle same-sex sleepovers when there is same sex attraction? For the short term, we have said she can still spend time with the "girlfriend," but no more sleepovers with her, but have still said yes to a sleepover with another girl. I don't want to put a blanket "no sleepovers" rule, but I am feeling conflicted now. What would you do?

No 14 year old has any idea whether they are gay or bisexual. While five years ago she would have been shunned and made fun of its now all the rage to pretend to be gay or bisexual. A 14 year old does not have a clue what they are unless they have had sex with a boy and another girl and I doubt that has happened.

It's high school drama and the less you talk about it the better that things will turn out.

Lol! I'm 40 and knew I was attracted to men and women at age 14. Couldn't keep my eyes off other women's breasts. Still cant. I'm solidly bi and have known it forever.

OP'S daughter is just learning the incredible wonders of another woman's touch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^I should have clarified that girls that are just friends with her can absolutely sleepover.

Friends play too. We sure did 25 years ago. My first FF experience was at a sleepover. Involved being under the blankets with a flashlight and touching each other. Nobody came out and explicitly said these things were hapoening, but same sex sexuality is nothing new.