Husband
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Anonymous
This is absolutely NOT true. It depends how conservative their families are. So you spent some time in Istanbul on vacation and you think you know everything about it? Anyway I'm done with this. I guess you get assholes online as you do in life. |
Anonymous
Funny how you only respond to antagonistic posts. Closed mouths don't get fed- don't be mad at people for not giving you what you want when you don't even know what it is yourself. |
Anonymous
I agree. I think that most of the posters may have just been shocked that you are not the "average" DCUM poster, and by slowly revealing bits of information over time people are trying to figure out if you're fake and/or fascinated by an insight into a life we don't know a lot about. I realize you're probably an emotional mess right now (understandably!), but just try to ignore those you don't want to respond to. First -- as an observant muslim, what do you think your options are? Is there any chance you will want to consider abortion? Or any chance you want to consider divorce? As a western non-religious woman, I would absolutely be considering divorce right now, and would also be contemplating whether I would want to abort or be a single mom. But I'm not sure if this is on the table for you. So, if you're only seeking advice on how to address your current situation without disrupting the status quo, I think you need to sit your husband down and tell him how inappropriate it is to trick you into something like this. Based on your post, I am going to guess he is at UVa, that you live in Charlotesville, but you are an international flight attendant out of Dulles. In that circumstance, I cannot imagine trying to work while pregnant after a few months. There are many logistical issues here, and he needs to take responsibility for them. I would explain to him that this is your body and he doesn't have a right to make decisions without your consent. Explain to him that a life of marriage and parenting will require him to respect you, your decisions, and your body. And then ask him how HE will solve the financial issues. Also, you rightly raise the risk of miscarriage. You need to explain to your husband the risk of miscarriage, that you view it as likely, and ask him what he will do to assist you. Will he help you quit your job now so that you avoid a miscarriage? Or will he arrange healthcare internationally if you miscarry while you are travelling? Or be there at Dulles to pick you up when you return home? My heart goes out to you OP, as this sounds like a very stressful situation, but you'll have to educate me (and other posters) on various cultural roadblocks you may have. I'll note that you don't have to stay in this culture/life if you don't want to, but those are some pretty touch decisions to have to make when you're in the early stages of pregnancy. |
Anonymous
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You are the only person who can make a decision consistent with your own values. Would you consider a divorce or separation? Counselling maybe?
He was extraordinarily disrespectful to you. He tricked you in doing something you didn't want with huge consequences for you. Don't justify him, he is at fault. Big time. Maybe staying with him is the best/only possibility for you due to your background or beliefs right now, but it may change overtime. Listen to the previous PP suggesting to have some money/account that will give you options in the future. Maintain your independence. At some level I am familiar with your story (conservative background, religious) but you do have options. You have a job, you are financially independent, you can start over if you wish, you are in the US, you are not stuck with your husband if you want a different life. Best of luck. |
Anonymous
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Wow. Just wow.
Your husband manipulated you into a situation that he clearly knew you weren't ready for. It's a hustle on his end and no relationship should be based on that. If I were you, I would likely terminate the pregnancy. Not to be vindictive or anything, simply for the solid reason that a baby would only complicate matters. Then I would give my husband his walking papers. Stat. However it is not me and you are you. You may have different views on abortion and that is okay. But one thing here everyone can agree on. Your husband is a rat. |
Anonymous
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OP,
First, I am really sorry about your mom. I hope your DH provides the moral support you need. Second, sit him down and explain that what he did is unacceptable. His behavior might be not because of his bad character, but because of the different cultural norms and expectations. Hugs to you. |
Anonymous
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i call BS. this is fake.
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Anonymous
| Well, you're pregnant now, you said you don't want an abortion and you aren't leaving your husband, so all this whining is useless. You know the path forward, you didn't need to ask us. |
Anonymous
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I don't know if you're still checking this thread OP, but for some reason, this story really stuck with me.
No matter what you decide for this pregnancy, I hope that going forward you take matters of birth control into your own hands. Whether that is through birth control pills or an IUD (more discrete), please know that you have options. If money ever becomes an issue, planned parenthood offers free birth control pills and very affordable IUD options. |
Anonymous
| Op here: I don’t think it has fully hit me yet that I am pregnant. I've been terribly nauseous all week . Haven't been able to eat well. |
Anonymous
Nausea is a common symptom in the first trimester. |
Anonymous
| Abort. Abort. Abort stat. |
Anonymous
This makes no sense! Who keeps condoms in a closet? Why couldn't you tell the difference? Why are you passing out so quickly you don't even see if he has a condom on his penis he needs to remove? |