Had to bail my mom out of jail this morning

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know the "right" answer was to leave her but I couldn't. She takes a daily medication she will withdraw from if she doesn't get her dose today and the consequences that come now are bad enough. I just wanted her out so she could start figuring her shit out.

She'd get her medication in jail. Start saving now for DUI #4, I'm afraid OP =(

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know the "right" answer was to leave her but I couldn't. She takes a daily medication she will withdraw from if she doesn't get her dose today and the consequences that come now are bad enough. I just wanted her out so she could start figuring her shit out.

She'd get her medication in jail. Start saving now for DUI #4, I'm afraid OP =(

Yep. As someone who's BTDT, majorly enabling.

[Anonymous]

"my mom has not yet proven to be unfit or an endangerment to him because he wasn't in the car with him when this happened and wasn't born when the other ones occurred."


I have ZERO sympathy for you op. Go whine away into oblivion. You described just a bit of what it was like growing up with this woman and you try to justify her "parenting" as being fine just because he wasn't in the car with her when she got her duis. This is insane. You are trying to talk around things.

I'm not suggesting that you take this child in but you should be helping dad or someone responsible to get the kid. Are you afraid of upsetting your non-mom? You realize that she more than likely programmed you your whole life to feel responsible for her. That's what selfish shitty parents do. Your reactions are probably not normal because she trained you for this.

[Anonymous]

This happened to my mom OP and I always helped her. Then she died of cirrhosis. Not much you can do except love and honor your parents the best way you know how. And if that means bailing them out again and again and again, so be it. Tried at least a dozen stays at in-patient facilities and many more out-patient options, as well as AA, Al-Anon, church, cleansing, etc. Sometimes life and God are just cruel. Do what you need to do in order to feel you have done what you think is right. That's all you can do.

[Anonymous]

If the mom is such a danger to society then she shouldn't have received bail. Take it up with the legal system rather than berating woman for bailing out her mother.

[Anonymous]

If your mom would be in dire straits from not receiving her "anxiety meds", she is likely a drug abuser in addition to being an alcoholic. Detoxing in jail may be the best thing for her. They will not give her anxiety meds (if we are talking fast acting stuff like xanax) but they will give her meds to control her withdrawal from alcohol. They can also get her on a med that is meant to be taken everyday like an SSRI to control her anxiety.

Just remember this, you truly and honestly are NOT helping her by bailing her out.

[Anonymous]

I'm seeing that others feel the same way I do - no tolerance for drunk driving. I consider myself an empathic person but my kids are in the road and it terrifies me that they and we are all at the mercy of people who choose to get behind the wheel while intoxicated. But we are taking these feelings out on OP, who is in a very difficult situation (and I say this while wanting OP's mom to stay in jail and face every penalty...the idea that she might "skate by" is appalling).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"AA truisms have so infiltrated our culture that many people believe heavy drinkers cannot recover before they “hit bottom.” Researchers I’ve talked with say that’s akin to offering antidepressants only to those who have attempted suicide, or prescribing insulin only after a patient has lapsed into a diabetic coma. “You might as well tell a guy who weighs 250 pounds and has untreated hypertension and cholesterol of 300, ‘Don’t exercise, keep eating fast food, and we’ll give you a triple bypass when you have a heart attack,’?” Mark Willenbring, a psychiatrist in St. Paul and a former director of treatment and recovery research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, told me. He threw up his hands. “Absurd.”"

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/03/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

thank you for finding this! Reading OP's post, I remembered reading this a few months ago and was trying to find it but couldn't. I think it might be valuable to her (and a lot of other people). AA and many other rehab programs are largely shams, backed up by zero evidence and run by people with zero medical training.

[Anonymous]

Objectively, you mom needs to go to jail for a long time with 3 DUIs. I don't want her on the road with my family, my friends, my loved ones. I certainly understand wanting to help our mother, but I'm not convinced that bailing her out of jail is helping her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"AA truisms have so infiltrated our culture that many people believe heavy drinkers cannot recover before they “hit bottom.” Researchers I’ve talked with say that’s akin to offering antidepressants only to those who have attempted suicide, or prescribing insulin only after a patient has lapsed into a diabetic coma. “You might as well tell a guy who weighs 250 pounds and has untreated hypertension and cholesterol of 300, ‘Don’t exercise, keep eating fast food, and we’ll give you a triple bypass when you have a heart attack,’?” Mark Willenbring, a psychiatrist in St. Paul and a former director of treatment and recovery research at the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism, told me. He threw up his hands. “Absurd.”"

http://www.theatlantic.com/features/archive/2015/03/the-irrationality-of-alcoholics-anonymous/386255/

thank you for finding this! Reading OP's post, I remembered reading this a few months ago and was trying to find it but couldn't. I think it might be valuable to her (and a lot of other people). AA and many other rehab programs are largely shams, backed up by zero evidence and run by people with zero medical training.

AA isn't even a rehab program. It's a self-help group. It's free. It is just people getting together and talking. It is not based on science; it was started by two members of an evangelical religious movement (the Oxford Group).

[Anonymous]

OP - So what is going to be happening this summer to your younger sibling as your Mother's home is not an appropriate environment for her at all this summer under any circumstances. Think about saving this young child from seeing a lush full-time who will probably hit the sauce even harder now that she can't drive and if you have any brains at all will be sure she does not have access to any car. One can't emphasize enough how this girl needs to be removed from this situation at least until one sees if Mother will finally be willing and able to deal with her addiction and the consequences of 3 DUIs. I hate to say it they so rarely even give folks jail time for killing someone that she may just not get any - but I certainly would not help her at all to fight the charges. Your Mother needs to own up to the way she is living.

Since your sibling's Dad is stable then your first priority needs to be to help with any transition to his home and legal custody until your Mom can really show she is able to care for herself and her health never mind a minor child. If you do not do this, you are basically shifting the burden of your drunk Mother onto an 11 year old and that is not fair. Such a hellish existence for a young child. Get your priorities in life straight, especially if you yourself have children.