Had to bail my mom out of jail this morning

[Anonymous]

OP, new poster.

I'm not trying to be condescending, and I understand how difficult it is to live with a family member who is an addict -- your worry and fear and your guilt and their out of control behavior are enormous burdens. But your mother essentially made a choice between her medication and her freedom.

How many more times will you bail her out?

[Anonymous]

OP, if it's the same jurisdiction, see if you can find out about the med question, and save that information hoping that you won't ever have to use it. But then at least you'll have a better idea of what your options are.

+1 to concern that one of these days she'll injure or kill someone.

[Anonymous]

When she kills someone driving drunk, I hope you know that you are partly responsible. You should have left her in jail.

[Anonymous]

She's going to kill someone. Ask yourself, if you were the mother or sister of the person she killed, how you would feel about the enabling daughter who kept bailing this drunk out of jail.

[Anonymous]

I'm on situation #2, OP. Parent refuses to accept any responsibility or even acknowledge problem. I can't force an adult to get help.

I live in fear of these calls. And the fear of the call that they've killed someone. I spend entirely way too much time hoping for a significant heart attack to free rest of family from this situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm on situation #2, OP. Parent refuses to accept any responsibility or even acknowledge problem. I can't force an adult to get help.

I live in fear of these calls. And the fear of the call that they've killed someone. I spend entirely way too much time hoping for a significant heart attack to free rest of family from this situation.

I hit send too soon. Hugs, OP. I know how hard this is. I'm sorry you are dealing with this situation.

[Anonymous]

As someone with experience with the criminal justice system, it is not at all uncommon for prisoners to not get meds particularly in local jails while waiting for court appearances. Most local jails aren't like prisons with medical personnel on staff and they don't just hand out medication because a prisoner claims to need it. Bailing her out and then getting her professional help is the right thing to do. Sorry, OP. The whole situation sucks.

[Anonymous]

So now she is out... Do you want to get recommendations for treatment?

[Anonymous]

Those of you claiming that the mother would definitely get her meds are wrong. It depends on the jail, who is on duty, and how sadistic they are. My dad spent a few nights in jail after a fight with a tenant. He is diabetic. He ended up in the hospital because they denied him his medication despite being told what he takes and how often. Once a person is in any branch of the criminal justice system, all bets are basically off as far as their welfare is concerned. It is stupid to think that jailers follow official policies when there are effectively zero consequences to them for failing to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those of you claiming that the mother would definitely get her meds are wrong. It depends on the jail, who is on duty, and how sadistic they are. My dad spent a few nights in jail after a fight with a tenant. He is diabetic. He ended up in the hospital because they denied him his medication despite being told what he takes and how often. Once a person is in any branch of the criminal justice system, all bets are basically off as far as their welfare is concerned. It is stupid to think that jailers follow official policies when there are effectively zero consequences to them for failing to do so.

PP here. My advice to you is that, having bailed her out, it is time for you to cut her off. You have no control over her actions, but you have control over yours.

[Anonymous]

OP,

The sad truth is that there is no good solution. PPs are terribly cruel and ignorant to criticize you at a time like this.

It is completely obvious that medical attention can be sparse in jails. That's not their job, and unlike hospitals, they're not responsible for people's health.

It's not your fault if she kills herself or kills somebody else. Try to help her as best you can without enabling her.

[Anonymous]

Let her stay in jail. Why are you enabling her? Third DUI? She's obviously an alcoholic. Do not give any more monetary help until she agreed to get sober.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So now she is out... Do you want to get recommendations for treatment?

No. We made her go to rehab a few years ago. It doesn't work. I am not spending a dime to send her to a cushy rehab that will give her a nice little break from reality which she will promptly blow off as soon as she is out. How she handles losing custody of my younger sibling and the child support she relies in from that and how to get to work with no car (impounded because she also didn't have insurance on it- lovely) or how she will handle job loss with the possible jail time she's looking at and the fees and community service are her problem.

[Anonymous]

Make sure she gets her meds. Otherwise she can stay in jail. Maybe that's what's needed for her to start the road to recovery.

Now if the jail won't give her meds then you will have to bail her out. But she needs AA or something of that nature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Make sure she gets her meds. Otherwise she can stay in jail. Maybe that's what's needed for her to start the road to recovery.

Now if the jail won't give her meds then you will have to bail her out. But she needs AA or something of that nature.

I already bailed her out for the sole reason of ensuring she gets her meds. I did not think jail would be able to give them to her. She is out. She tried AA after her rehab stint. Lasted a couple months and then she felt she was "better" and was fine to drink again. I have been dealing with this shit my whole life, since I was a kid. No negative effects ever register with her. She's been divorced three times because of the role alcohol plays in her relationships. She's 51 and still doing this stuff... I just think she's a lost cause.