Considering leaving a good job ($120K) in mid-thirties to be a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I'd add (new poster here) is that around 2 to 3 they become real pains to be around. It is NOT sunshine and rainbows, let me tell you.

This, this this. also - 110 K - that is TIGHT for a family of four in this area. Tight, tight, tight.

This completely depends on where specifically they live. Inside the Beltway is much more expensive than outside the Beltway. I totally disagree that 110K has to be tight, assuming they're not carrying a lot of debt-other than a mortgage eventually. OP, why don't you all buy a house now while the rates are still low? They are going to have to go up soon, they've been low for so long.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only thing I'd add (new poster here) is that around 2 to 3 they become real pains to be around. It is NOT sunshine and rainbows, let me tell you.

I actually disagree. I think the 18-24 month age is the hardest to parent (have a 4 yr old and 18 month old now). SO active, but can't communicate that well, need to be watched every second, etc. My 4 year old is much easier and has been since about 2.5 (and he isn't an easy kid by nature).

Totally depends on personality (both parent and child). I loved the 2-3 years. Yes, the can be a pain, but they are also a lot of fun IMO. That's the age when I really would have missed having more time with them.

[Anonymous]

OP, you could stay home, and end up raising a Unabomber. Or you could keep working and end up raising a Unabomber.

I wish I could plan my life in 10 year chunks like you, but life has a way of changing things. I make more than you two combined, and my DW also works. We have 3 kids. No Maseratis or anything excessive. You cannot have too much $$$ for later in life, and for retirement. What happens if your spouse becomes ill - quickly? Working may not be for everyone, for a couple to both do it. But it does provide an extra layer of insurance in case of....whatever life throws at you. Everybody would buy a ton of insurance if their primary breadwinner was gonna die in 6 months. But life doesn't offer those kinds of guarantees. My advice, keep working, or, look for another job, even for less money, but still keeps you in the game, but offers a greater life balance for your kids. And when they need you less, ramp up your professional life even more. Not sure if you mentioned your specific industry or skill, but, also, some industries could lock you out if you are away for 5 or 10 years. GL

[Anonymous]

Why do you want to stay home if you "need to do something to stay sane" and "plan to return in ten years"? I ask this in all seriousness not to be an ass. Also, while you may not want a "nicer" house, you will probably want a different house. I've learned a lot by staying home. First, a neighborhood pool really does matter. Kids can see their friends, and swimming is a great activity. Parents can meet other adults. Community pools won't fit the bill, the cast of charactors is ever changing, and getting in is near impossible because community pools make their money from swim team and day camps. There is a reason why you see posts on this site asking to "join a swim club" every summer. Second, church or whatever religion you care about will matter to you because you'll have more time to get involved. If your temple has a "ladies book club" you'll have the energy and time to go check it out. Third, nothing magical happens in "ten years". Your kids will still need you around. School gets canceled, starts late or gets out early. You'll want to know your kids friends and socialize the rules that are acceptable in your home and for your kids. You'll need to be there to listen to your kids and convey your views often through several conversations about all matter of topics. Public school may matter more to you because your kid won't be kicked out if husband looses his job or your child has special needs that the private school you chose doesn't want to deal with. You'll want to live near a good pyramid. You'll want to get involved in PTA events. You'll want a good public library with good children's programs. Make sure that you have the strength and confidence to support your husband's career while realizing that support doesn't mean telling hubby what he wants to hear. Make sure you want to spend your days with your children and largely in the company of other women. Your husband won't be home to help so it won't be like Saturday morning plus 6. Realize that you will always have interests but that you may not be able to explore them as much as you think because you will be busy with your kids. If you think "Hubby will be home on the weekends so I can get a break" and that break means you leave him with the kids so you can go do whatever matters to you, you will not be happy being home. Make sure your kids have an area to play with minimual adult supervision. Your kid is too young for this now, but that will change. Kids need to learn how to work things out without an adult "helping" and that usually happens in backyards. The type of play and conversations that take place in a park v. a backyard are very different. You need to have the mental attitude of viewing other moms as coworkers. Some you will like a whole lot. Some you won't like at all. Some you will like at certain times and not like at other times. You need to be able to get along with all the varieties and not say "I don't have to put up with this, I'm home, I can do whatever I want now". You also need to know that you matter too. If you want to take your kids to a program at the library that you care about and they may not, take them. You are their mother, not their servant and it's good that you and they realize it. I'm not clear as to why you want to stay home, so I hope my post gives you some food for thought. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

[Anonymous]

Hi Mom- It's really not about YOU anymore. Kids get more from an active environment...art, music, learning to share, verbal skills, coping and fun then you can offer. Try daycare and see if you can cut back to 4 days in the office.

[Anonymous]

Moms that stay at home can expose their kids to art, music, fun and play groups with other kids. It's not exclusive to daycare.

OP, if you want to stay home and the finances are square, you should. I quit a $105k job at 36 to SAH and I don't regret it at all. My kids are 4 and 2 and they love being home with mom, it's not all about me. I also worked FT 55 hrs/wk with my first child and daycare was fine too. It depends on what you want.

I'm much happier SAH, FWIW.

[Anonymous]

If you can make the finances work, do it. Life is short and it doesn't have to be a permanent decision. Give yourself permission to change your mind later if you want.