Spanking

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

In the case of my middle child, he got in trouble a couple of times for hitting at school, and we did end up spanking him at home for it. That was the ened of the problem at school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People are going to do what people are going to do. The majority of Americans still believe in spanking. The research is unequivocal that it does not help and often makes problems worse.

Not true. One reason for an explosion in young people mixed up with the criminal justice system is that their parents may have been afraid to "apply the board of education to the seat of learning."

I worked with teenagers who were in the criminal justice system. You're wrong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

OP - I've posted on here stating that I've spanked my DC a handful of times, but 3 is too young. If something is happening at preschool, and you wait to spank your DC when you get home, it's kind of too late. If there are behaviorial issues at school, the teachers should be applying consequences to your DC then and there. You can reinforce the rules by talking a lot to your DC, and possibly using a reward chart. I'm not a fan of the reward chart when they are older, but when they are young like this, it works a lot better.

When my DC was 5, DC got on a behavior chart at school. We were not happy. We took away all of DC's privileges, and DC had to earn it back one by one by getting a happy face on the behavior chart at school everyday. It took just two weeks for DC to behave better.

DC is not perfect. We've had challenges since, (DC is now 10) and we have spanked DC a handful of times over the years for other offenses at home after nothing else worked. But, I do think 3 is too young, and spanking a child for something he did at school at such a young age will not change his behavior because at this age it's harder for them to make that connection. There's too much time in between.

GL.

[Anonymous]

Okay, so a three year old. And you say teachers have flagged it, but it isn't so frequent at home? So I'd say no, there is no utility to spanking here. Your three year old needs to learn impulse control. All three year olds do! So, some suggestions: get the books "Hands are not for hitting", "Teeth are not for biting," (there are others, like Pets are not for Hurting. Pick as needed). Next, explicit teaching on skills. Pick a couple of areas where your son is liable to misbehave - and don't even worry about the going out to eat thing. Just skip it. But if he generally fights over toys, or hits when you tell him no to another cookie, plan out a lesson plan, essentially. How do you teach a three year old? Well, role play works. And simple questions "Ow! That hurt! How do you that I feel now?" And practice.

The teachers are not allowed to spank, so ask them for tips, too. What do they think works? And if they say, basically, that they don't know and that they are out of tools...you have a lousy day care/pre school and you need a new one. If this is run of the mill three year old terror (which it sounds to be, so far) they should easily be able to deal with it. But if they sound truly worried, listen to them and talk to the ped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

OP, could you please expand on "wants him out"? I think a time-out is fine when given to send the clear message that hitting is not acceptable. But if "wants him out" means she wants him out of the school, well... that's OTT, IMO.

Does she catches him doing things right? Does she praises him and rewards him when he's nice to other children?

What does the therapist suggests?

[Anonymous]

OP - I've posted on here stating that I've spanked my DC a handful of times, but 3 is too young. If something is happening at preschool, and you wait to spank your DC when you get home, it's kind of too late. If there are behaviorial issues at school, the teachers should be applying consequences to your DC then and there. You can reinforce the rules by talking a lot to your DC, and possibly using a reward chart. I'm not a fan of the reward chart when they are older, but when they are young like this, it works a lot better.

When my DC was 5, DC got on a behavior chart at school. We were not happy. We took away all of DC's privileges, and DC had to earn it back one by one by getting a happy face on the behavior chart at school everyday. It took just two weeks for DC to behave better.

DC is not perfect. We've had challenges since, (DC is now 10) and we have spanked DC a handful of times over the years for other offenses at home after nothing else worked. But, I do think 3 is too young, and spanking a child for something he did at school at such a young age will not change his behavior because at this age it's harder for them to make that connection. There's too much time in between.

GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

OP - I've posted on here stating that I've spanked my DC a handful of times, but 3 is too young. If something is happening at preschool, and you wait to spank your DC when you get home, it's kind of too late. If there are behaviorial issues at school, the teachers should be applying consequences to your DC then and there. You can reinforce the rules by talking a lot to your DC, and possibly using a reward chart. I'm not a fan of the reward chart when they are older, but when they are young like this, it works a lot better.

When my DC was 5, DC got on a behavior chart at school. We were not happy. We took away all of DC's privileges, and DC had to earn it back one by one by getting a happy face on the behavior chart at school everyday. It took just two weeks for DC to behave better.

DC is not perfect. We've had challenges since, (DC is now 10) and we have spanked DC a handful of times over the years for other offenses at home after nothing else worked. But, I do think 3 is too young, and spanking a child for something he did at school at such a young age will not change his behavior because at this age it's harder for them to make that connection. There's too much time in between.

GL.

Thank you. We've just started to spank and it is only when we are with him. School issues get a talking to and no treat etc...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

OP, could you please expand on "wants him out"? I think a time-out is fine when given to send the clear message that hitting is not acceptable. But if "wants him out" means she wants him out of the school, well... that's OTT, IMO.

Does she catches him doing things right? Does she praises him and rewards him when he's nice to other children?

What does the therapist suggests?

Op here. Wants out of the school. Therapist sees improvement in frustration management impulse control etc... She also thinks teacher wants him out but the small class is the best place for him

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

OP, could you please expand on "wants him out"? I think a time-out is fine when given to send the clear message that hitting is not acceptable. But if "wants him out" means she wants him out of the school, well... that's OTT, IMO.

Does she catches him doing things right? Does she praises him and rewards him when he's nice to other children?

What does the therapist suggests?

Op here. Wants out of the school. Therapist sees improvement in frustration management impulse control etc... She also thinks teacher wants him out but the small class is the best place for him

As I was saying, way OTT. Sounds like she's lazy. It would be too easy to teach only biddable children who present no challenges. Yet I wouldn't want my child to have a teacher who clearly has labelled him and doesn't want to be a part of the solution. Can you find another small class?

Also, please, go with your guts and stop spanking your child. You're feeling horrible when you do that for a reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

OP, could you please expand on "wants him out"? I think a time-out is fine when given to send the clear message that hitting is not acceptable. But if "wants him out" means she wants him out of the school, well... that's OTT, IMO.

Does she catches him doing things right? Does she praises him and rewards him when he's nice to other children?

What does the therapist suggests?

Op here. Wants out of the school. Therapist sees improvement in frustration management impulse control etc... She also thinks teacher wants him out but the small class is the best place for him

As I was saying, way OTT. Sounds like she's lazy. It would be too easy to teach only biddable children who present no challenges. Yet I wouldn't want my child to have a teacher who clearly has labelled him and doesn't want to be a part of the solution. Can you find another small class?

Also, please, go with your guts and stop spanking your child. You're feeling horrible when you do that for a reason.

Lazy is exactly what the therapist said about the teacher. Any small school would want to speak with the current school. Leaving us with a not good inboundry school

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is the child, OP? A three or four year old being a holy terror, not being able to go out to eat, hitting, is unfortunate but not out of the realm of normal. But that isn't average behavior for a 6 year old, and if you child is school age (even preschool) I think its time to talk to the teachers and see what is up. Maybe your kid needs some help with emotional regulation and impulsivity. If so, spanking really won't help, because it doesn't teach those things. Your kid can't exercise control he doesn't yet have. So my first step in your case wouldn't be to decide on how to punish, but to figure out what is going on with your guy. Start with the pediatrician and the teachers.

3 and it was the teachers that declared it a problem. I thought this was how all 3 year olds behave-op

Is he like this at home? How do you handle?

On occasion. But rarely. Bad behaviors they say were nipped immediately at home. As the year has progressed no behaviors )the hitting )
started. This is rare at home and much more frequent at school (3-5 days a week) .not acceptable.-op

How does the teacher solve the problem when it arises at school?

Wants him out. Separates him from class as often as possible. For safety reasons. Therapist believes this is not the approach. Teacher insists it is for safety of others.

OP, could you please expand on "wants him out"? I think a time-out is fine when given to send the clear message that hitting is not acceptable. But if "wants him out" means she wants him out of the school, well... that's OTT, IMO.

Does she catches him doing things right? Does she praises him and rewards him when he's nice to other children?

What does the therapist suggests?

Op here. Wants out of the school. Therapist sees improvement in frustration management impulse control etc... She also thinks teacher wants him out but the small class is the best place for him

As I was saying, way OTT. Sounds like she's lazy. It would be too easy to teach only biddable children who present no challenges. Yet I wouldn't want my child to have a teacher who clearly has labelled him and doesn't want to be a part of the solution. Can you find another small class?

Also, please, go with your guts and stop spanking your child. You're feeling horrible when you do that for a reason.

Lazy is exactly what the therapist said about the teacher. Any small school would want to speak with the current school. Leaving us with a not good inboundry school

-op

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dear God, OP, I hope you are using "rod" figuratively.

Of course. Only my hand on a buttock and now only I response to being hit , spat on, or hit with an object throw at me in anger.

So, you plan to hit your child in order to teach him that it's not okay to hit??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

And to everyone saying "My child doesn't respond to anything else." - you are wrong. You haven't done it right yet. I guarantee that any child on this planet can be raised properly without spanking. You have to want to put in the effort of course...

How incredibly condescending to those struggling with a difficult child.

I stand by what I posted. My entire post not just this snippet. No child deserves to be hit. No child needs to be hit in order to be parented. If you 'need' to hit you have bad parenting skills. Check yourself before you blame your kids. I don't care how appalled you act for being called out. There is NO child, no matter how difficult, who needs spanking to be disciplined. Get your parenting act together, do your research, get help if you need to but stop hitting your children. How anyone can seriously condemn violence between adults yet hit their own children is beyond me. How anyone can seriously say they are trying to teach their kids not to hit, have manners and be good people but use corporal punishment when parenting is beyond me.

You spanking parents have no clue how to parent properly or you would not be spanking your defenseless children. Disgusting. I am SO glad I was born and grew up in a country where spanking is not only illegal but detested by anyone even mildly intelligent.