What's wrong with just saying...we can't afford it

[Anonymous]

It is a tough deal for kids of divorce: http://blogs.wsj.com/juggle/2011/06/02/a-hidden-cost-of-divorce-college/

Your husband is likely feeling a bit guilty. Although that doesn't change the facts (there is only so much help you guys are going to be able to provide), perhaps recognizing your husband's feelings and reluctance to have this conversation with his son can make you less annoyed?

[Anonymous]

Nothing is wrong with saying it. Offering to pay for 4 years of a state school is VERY generous. With grades like that, a high cost private college is not a given. Its not b/c you are a stepmom - most parents for whom money is a finite resource would agree.

[Anonymous]

"I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here."

Wait, so biological mom is not helping pay for college yet someone else stated it is biological mom and dad's decision to make and not step mom's....how do you figure? Sounds like it's dad's and step mom's decision only. I'm assuming step mom works and contributed to not only the college savings, but to the financial responsibilities of raising the child as well. Step mom has every right to voice her opinion and decide what she and her husband can afford. It's amazing to me that people expect step parents to do everything a biological parent does, but they have to "know their place," so to say, when it comes to certain subjects.

With that, tell the kid what you can and can't afford and let him deal with it. He'll be fine.




Are you people insane? How c

[Anonymous]

Oops! Clearly started my above posting in a different direction and forgot to go back and delete. Apologies!

[Anonymous]

I just went through a similar situation last week with my DD, where my ex did not have what it took to just tell her he could not afford her 1st choice school who gave no aid, and left it up to me. Fast forward she was angry and hateful last week, but is now swept up in the college thing at a state school and the drama is behind us now. Read Michele Singletary this week "debt=bad". Stand your ground mom I borrowed my pair from Bruce Jenner and they worked just fine!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I watched this with my stepbrother (year apart) in HS. His parents had saved nothing, and he only wanted to go to private schools known for partying. SD steered him towards schools where they thought he could get grant money, all of which he did not like on the tour (places like Liberty U). He didn't like the state schools either except the one near us that our parents did not want him to attend (to get him away from his pothead friends). Instead, he didn't apply anywhere, my mother (former college recruiter) pulled some strings and got him into a tiny private school last minute, with some grant money. He did really well, but hated the place and came home after freshman year, to go to the local state university, where he summarily flunked out.

Definitely sit down with your stepson and give him some options and tell him why. I think you'll be better off.

I wouldn't have wanted to send my kid to Liberty, even on a full ride.

[Anonymous]

Of course not

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here.

+1 This is correct. OP doesn't have the same emotional investment in this kid as her DH does. This could be a good thing (greater objectivity) but there's no way she can be the one to decide this. It's up to your husband and his ex-wife to make this choice about their son. You could weigh in with your opinion, of course, but ultimately you need to step back from this.

[Anonymous]

There is no decision to make. They can't afford anything more than a state school. OP's husband is just being too chicken to tell his kid that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:More of a vent than anything else. DH has a child from a previous marriage who is off to college in the fall. He is a mediocre student. 2.5 unweighted GPA, 940 CR/M, no AP, no Honors, no activities. The only schools he can get into are either 1) expensive private that cater to these type of students; 2) non flagship state school; 3) community college.

We don't have the money to pay for option 1. Child does not want option 2 or 3.

I'm getting so frustrated by the constant dance around how to pay for option 1. Why can't DH just come out and say "we can't afford it". What is wrong with being honest with a child who is about to go off to college? We have enough saved that the child can attend any 4 yr state school that he can get into. It's not that we didn't save. We did. But the difference between in state tuition and private schools over 4 years is extraordinary.

I had a similar situation. I was against helping the child altogether because his GPA was super low, he took 10 years to get a 4 year degree because he was frequently dropping or failing classes. We found out he was actually counting how many classes he could skip and still barely pass the class, a couple of times he miscalculated and failed.

Why invest any money into this? Might as well flush it down the toilet.

[Anonymous]

Nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is if the first time a child hears those words is at the age of 17 when you won't pay for college. My kid has been hearing about our financial limits for years. I don't know what we will be ready to pay for, but he won't be demanding Elon when he knows the busget is for VCU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here.

+1 This is correct. OP doesn't have the same emotional investment in this kid as her DH does. This could be a good thing (greater objectivity) but there's no way she can be the one to decide this. It's up to your husband and his ex-wife to make this choice about their son. You could weigh in with your opinion, of course, but ultimately you need to step back from this.

Not really true. We don't know where the money saved came from. Could be from her job.

[Anonymous]

Step Mom needs to bow out.