What's wrong with just saying...we can't afford it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, what are DH's reasons? If it is just that he does not want to disappoint his child, that's one thing. If he feels that the child will not succeed in a large state school, and would be more likely to succeed in a smaller private institution, I can see why he would work to try to make it happen.[/quo


+ 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents told me that if I went to any school that cost X, they'd pay for the whole thing. Any amount above X was on me. They didn't say I could or could not go anywhere - they just told me their parameters. As an adult, I think what they did was very smart - set a limit, let me make the decision, and they stayed within their means.

My parents said exactly the same thing to me. I wound up getting a fantastic education at UMD. I wouldn't change a thing.

[Anonymous]

Has he already been accepted to a school he loves?
Is his mother helping?
Does he have any special talents to help him get aid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, what are DH's reasons? If it is just that he does not want to disappoint his child, that's one thing. If he feels that the child will not succeed in a large state school, and would be more likely to succeed in a smaller private institution, I can see why he would work to try to make it happen.

He doesn't want to disappoint his child. The child has not demonstrated a solid academic record that would make me confident in sending him to a flagship state school. But I think any of the smaller public in state schools would offer the smaller class size that a private institution could offer.

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with saying "we can't afford it." The huge problem is that I don't think you can be the one saying it or seeming to be the source of that message.

I don't know you (obviously) but I can see it coming across as "we want to help you pay for college but any money we give to you is less money for me me me"

The Dad has to own this decision and be the messenger.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well, what are DH's reasons? If it is just that he does not want to disappoint his child, that's one thing. If he feels that the child will not succeed in a large state school, and would be more likely to succeed in a smaller private institution, I can see why he would work to try to make it happen.

If the kid needs a fancy private country club atmosphere to get a degree, he's going to be in for a big surprise when he enters the work force. And good luck paying off that 6 figure student loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school in this case is an absurd waste of money and as the step-mom you absolutely have a right to voice your opinion! You also will be financially impacted by this, so maybe you have a right to be part of the decision making (touchy subject i know). This is a no-brainer in my opinion - no way to the private $chool. Maybe a year or two of community college with a part time job. Or the state school if he seems like he will take it seriously.
My son will very likely be in the same situation in a few years. i won't pay the application fee for a private school for him - that is, unless he drastically changes his attitude about school and raises his GPA. This seems like common sense to me and doesn't have any thing to do with my income.

I kept my mouth shut during the application process. But I agree with you---if this were my bio child, I would have nipped this in the bud before applications were even submitted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you still feel the same if he were your son?

If it were my son, this would not be an issue. I would come out and say your options are whatever in state you can be admitted to or community college. Why would I feel any differently if this were my biological child?

Because you would do what it takes to send him to the best school if he were your son. You would have found grants, scholarships, loans etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Has he already been accepted to a school he loves?
Is his mother helping?
Does he have any special talents to help him get aid?

1. He has been accepted
2. No
3. No

[Anonymous]

How about telling him that you will pay the equivalent of the state schools, and if he wants to go to the private college, he can borrow the money and pay it off himself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you still feel the same if he were your son?

If it were my son, this would not be an issue. I would come out and say your options are whatever in state you can be admitted to or community college. Why would I feel any differently if this were my biological child?

Because you would do what it takes to send him to the best school if he were your son. You would have found grants, scholarships, loans etc.

I have known Dhs son since he was 6months old. I am happy to find him grants, scholarships, and loans. Well--loans I've already figured out. Beyond the Stafford loans, we cannot afford to make the payments on a private loan. But if you could point me to a source that I could scour for grants and scholarships given his GPA and SAT scores, I would greatly appreciate it. I would be willing to pay for a scholarship service if one exists.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How about telling him that you will pay the equivalent of the state schools, and if he wants to go to the private college, he can borrow the money and pay it off himself.

I don't think a student can.....aren't Stafford loans for undergrad capped at $31K? And to get a private loan would require a co-signer. I might be incorrect though and would welcome advice from parents that have helped their children obtain loans outside of the federal program.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like your stepson hasn't taken his education seriously to this point, so I don't blame you. He will do just fine at a state school. You need to sit down with your husband and maybe even his mother and come to a decision on how to handle. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he already been accepted to a school he loves?
Is his mother helping?
Does he have any special talents to help him get aid?

1. He has been accepted
2. No
3. No

He could try to contact the school and let them know it is his number 1 choice.
They may offer some aid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would you still feel the same if he were your son?

If it were my son, this would not be an issue. I would come out and say your options are whatever in state you can be admitted to or community college. Why would I feel any differently if this were my biological child?

Because you would do what it takes to send him to the best school if he were your son. You would have found grants, scholarships, loans etc.

I have known Dhs son since he was 6months old. I am happy to find him grants, scholarships, and loans. Well--loans I've already figured out. Beyond the Stafford loans, we cannot afford to make the payments on a private loan. But if you could point me to a source that I could scour for grants and scholarships given his GPA and SAT scores, I would greatly appreciate it. I would be willing to pay for a scholarship service if one exists.

It's obvious by the way to refer to your "Dhs son" that you couldn't care less and are annoyed at any amount you have to pay towards his schooling.