What's wrong with just saying...we can't afford it

[Anonymous]

More of a vent than anything else. DH has a child from a previous marriage who is off to college in the fall. He is a mediocre student. 2.5 unweighted GPA, 940 CR/M, no AP, no Honors, no activities. The only schools he can get into are either 1) expensive private that cater to these type of students; 2) non flagship state school; 3) community college.

We don't have the money to pay for option 1. Child does not want option 2 or 3.

I'm getting so frustrated by the constant dance around how to pay for option 1. Why can't DH just come out and say "we can't afford it". What is wrong with being honest with a child who is about to go off to college? We have enough saved that the child can attend any 4 yr state school that he can get into. It's not that we didn't save. We did. But the difference between in state tuition and private schools over 4 years is extraordinary.

[Anonymous]

I don't think that there is anything wrong with telling him that you can only afford to send him to a state school. If he does well in his undergraduate program, he can apply for and get scholarships and loans to do his Masters at a better school.

His GPA is pretty mediocre. I certainly wouldn't pay for a private school when a state school would be just fine.

[Anonymous]

I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here.

[Anonymous]

All my kid learned to do at college was party. It still pisses me off thinking about all the money we wasted.

[Anonymous]

Would you still feel the same if he were your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you still feel the same if he were your son?

If it were my son, this would not be an issue. I would come out and say your options are whatever in state you can be admitted to or community college. Why would I feel any differently if this were my biological child?

[Anonymous]

NP - ^ because you do. It may sound illogical but you do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here.

I agree.

That said, there is nothing wrong with saying, "we can't afford it." Nothing at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not think it is the stepmom's decision to make here.

I agree.

That said, there is nothing wrong with saying, "we can't afford it." Nothing at all.

I think it's fine for stepmom to express her views to her husband, but he and the mom ought to be making the decision.

I can't even begin to imagine the shit-storm down the road if the OP took a different approach with a child of her own.

[Anonymous]

It really is a moot point because at the end of the day, we can't afford it. The money is just not there and our money tree doesn't seem to have any more leaves to pick.

I just wish DH would come out and say it already. He says it to me about 3x/week. It's time for him to tell his child.

[Anonymous]

My parents told me that if I went to any school that cost X, they'd pay for the whole thing. Any amount above X was on me. They didn't say I could or could not go anywhere - they just told me their parameters. As an adult, I think what they did was very smart - set a limit, let me make the decision, and they stayed within their means.

[Anonymous]

Well, what are DH's reasons? If it is just that he does not want to disappoint his child, that's one thing. If he feels that the child will not succeed in a large state school, and would be more likely to succeed in a smaller private institution, I can see why he would work to try to make it happen.

[Anonymous]

It's no different than a teenager whining over wanting a $40,000 car when Ford is fine and will get him to where he needs to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents told me that if I went to any school that cost X, they'd pay for the whole thing. Any amount above X was on me. They didn't say I could or could not go anywhere - they just told me their parameters. As an adult, I think what they did was very smart - set a limit, let me make the decision, and they stayed within their means.

I like that. Thank you for this advice.

[Anonymous]

Private school in this case is an absurd waste of money and as the step-mom you absolutely have a right to voice your opinion! You also will be financially impacted by this, so maybe you have a right to be part of the decision making (touchy subject i know). This is a no-brainer in my opinion - no way to the private $chool. Maybe a year or two of community college with a part time job. Or the state school if he seems like he will take it seriously.
My son will very likely be in the same situation in a few years. i won't pay the application fee for a private school for him - that is, unless he drastically changes his attitude about school and raises his GPA. This seems like common sense to me and doesn't have any thing to do with my income.